Former Real Housewives of New York star Eboni K. Williams sparked a massive debate across social media after her viral interview with Fix My Life host Iyanla Vanzant hit the internet.
On May 1, while discussing the topic of femininity and today’s troubled dating pool for women on The Grio, Williams asked the famous life coach to give some advice on how Black women should “position” themselves in today’s dating world to stay in tune with their divine feminine energy and build with a potential suitor without competing for dominance.
The 39-year-old lawyer noted that Black women were out-earning men due to having multiple degrees and rising participation in the entrepreneurial world.
“Some of us feel the men that are available to us — they are not positioned to protect nor provide. Because of some of the statistics we just talked about,” the TV host explained. “They’re not earning the incomes, they’re not having the resources, and some of them are not even showing up in the leadership.”
Further analyzing the dialogue, Vanzant asked Williams, “Would you date a bus driver?”
The articulate attorney responded, “If he owns the bus…if he owns it. If he owns the bus, Iyanla.”
Then, the 69-year-old spiritual guru challenged the radio host to think differently about her stance.
“No, see, that’s wrong. That’s a problem. Because the standards and criteria that we use to measure men is off for who we are as women and who they are in the society. I would date a bus driver,” Vanzant said. “If he loved driving the bus, if he was a man of integrity, if he was good to his mama if he treated me well. I would date a bus driver.”
The Get Over It author continued, “I think some of the criteria that we look for in the reality of today keeps us unhappy, keeps us angry and keeps us imbalanced. And then, when the men show up, we want to beat them up because they’re not living up to our standards and criteria. And it’s not working, beloved. It’s just not working. So it’s not that it’s bad or wrong. It’s obsolete. It’s obsolete, and we have to come up with a new way of being.”
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Money and status aren’t everything when it comes to finding a partner. But we can’t sit here and pretend that it doesn’t cost to provide for a family and marriage in today’s expensive and rocky economy. When searching for a potential partner, finances are critical to a happy, healthy relationship. And it should be discussed there out in the dating field.
Black women are working harder to provide and protect for their families amid the unemployment crisis that continues to burden Black men. According to the Center for Economy and Policy Research (CEPR), Black men suffer from joblessness more than other demographics. There are about one million more employed Black women than employed Black men, according to the site.
A study conducted by CEPR in 2022 found that 79 percent of Black women were worried that the job crisis would impact Black marriages if it persisted.
While the data seems pretty gloomy, still, Vazant urged Black women to step into their grace, compassion and humanity, which she believes is a crucial part of femininity.
“When we talk about man is mind, woman is the heart. And so many of us have guarded, broken, closeted hearts that we do everything from here,” the life therapist said as she pointed to her head.
“So many of us are out of touch with our body that we will give our body to somebody else before we really get in touch with ourselves. Because we’re so busy doing that, we don’t know how to be,” Vanzant continued. “When I talk about feminine energy, I’m talking about the grace, the compassion, the humanity. I’m talking about mercy. I’m talking about silence and stillness. I’m talking about flow and movement. I’m talking about speaking from a place of intuitive knowing and love.”
Social media sounds off about the Iyanla Vanzant interview.
After the video surfaced on social media, discourse followed the heated subject matter. Some people saw no issue with Williams’ aversion to dating a bus driver. A few supporters argued that an individual with the profession would be out of the Loyola grad’s “league” and that they might not be able to provide her with the life that she has built for herself as an esteemed attorney and television host.
Some users shamed the former Bravo star for her dating preference. A few Black Twitter users felt as though Williams was being too picky. Some even shamed her for caring more about monetary status and image than love and respect. Some netizens said they were tired of hearing the topic altogether.
Eventually, The Grio’s Marc Lamont Hill stepped in to give his take on the former housewife’s bus driver debacle. Hill said that although he understood and respected Williams’ stance, he believed that people “shouldn’t be defining” a potential partner by their labor status.
“There is dignity in all labor. Whether you drive a bus, whether you own the bus, whether you’re the CEO, whether you’re a worker, it doesn’t matter. You’re a human being with character and personality and ideas and interest,” the former CNN correspondent continued. “And that should be the primary thing that we ask when we’re looking for relationships. Is this person good for me? So to me, that’s more interesting. And if we only look for people who make the same amount of money, we’re gonna have some problems.”
But Hill also challenged viewers to understand Eboni’s perspective.
“I understand completely why Eboni feels that way because Black women are the only demographic of people in this country who are systematically expected to date below their education and their income,” he continued.
“And so when a lot of you are mad at Eboni for responding, it’s not because you have some grand character. It’s because y’all think Black women should have a lower bar. It’s because y’all think that Black women should just accept whatever they get. They should just be happy to have anything. And that speaks to how we understand and how we think of Black women in this country.”
Williams has since responded to the controversy. Listen to what she had to say below.
Where do you stand in this debate? Do you agree with Iyanla Vanzant or Eboni K. Williams on this? Tell us in the comments section.
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