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So you and your partner have decided to take a break. If you’ve told friends and family about this, then you’ve likely already faced some eye rolls and doubtful looks. People can be suspicious of breaks – they’re often viewed as just a stopover on the way to a permanent breakup. And for some couples that is true. However, know that if you have decided to take a break, you’re not a rare case. Research reported in the Journal of Marital Family Therapy shows that somewhere between six to 18 percent of married couples have separated at some point in their marriage. And they’re still together.
You might not be married, but this data shows that stepping back from a committed relationship doesn’t always have to end in, well, the end. If you are taking a break and truly have hope that it will benefit your relationship, then you need to be conscious of how you spend this break. Just taking a break because you can’t stand all the fighting, need space, and want to escape for a while…might not result in a better relationship. In order for a break to be productive, you can’t take a passive approach to it. You’re taking a break from each other, but you’re not taking a break from putting in the work of improving your relationship. Here is what to know about how to take a break in a relationship and come back stronger.
Arrive At It Calmly And Discuss Its Purpose
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Yelling “I’m done with this!” then slamming a door, driving off into the night with a suitcase and no plan does not constitute the beginning of a successful break. A break is not just time to blow off steam during a large fight. In order for a break to be successful, you need to sit down at a time when you are both calm and one, agree to take a break and two, discuss its purpose.
Naturally, you won’t figure out all that needs to be fixed and how in this conversation. If you could do that with one conversation, then you wouldn’t need a break in the first place. See this conversation as making a game plan for what issues will be analyzed and worked on during the break. You can look at being in a relationship like being on the field of sports team in the game. And you can see a break as the time you hit the bench and meet with your coach to strategize what you’ll do once you get back on the field. But ultimately, you’ll both need to agree that there is a need for a break.
