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Psalms for Black Girls

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So former NFL star-turned-U.S. Senate hopeful Herschel Walker is out here on the campaign trail with his whole behind showing thanks to his flamboyant motor-mouth of a son, Christian Walker, who hopped on social media and aired out allllllllllll the family’s dirty laundry, namely that his conservative, hyper-religious, anti-abortion-no-exceptions, “family values” daddy is a whole hooker who absolutely is the lying, philandering, violent boogeyman the media is claiming him to be.
To wit, this was Christian in a video he posted to Twitter: “Family values, people? He has four kids, four different women, wasn’t in the house raising one of them. He was out having sex with other women. Y’all should care about that, conservatives.”

He also corroborated his mother’s accusations that the elder Walker, 60, beat her and threatened her with a gun and knife—as Christian’s mom recounts in a TV campaign ad that runs literally every five seconds here in Georgia, where Walker is running against incumbent Sen. Raphael Warnock, a Democrat. “You’re not a ‘family man’ when you left us to bang a bunch of women, threatened to kill us, and had us move over 6 times in 6 months running from your violence,” Christian tweeted.

 

Naturally, everybody on the left and everybody on the right was parked on Twitter with their vats of popcorn, watching The Christian Walker Show, Twitter fingers and pundit microphones ready to give their hot takes on what this means for the Republican candidate hand-picked by The Orange Menace to wrest at least one of Georgia’s two U.S. Senate seats back into Republican hands. Depending on who you ask, Christian is a victim. Or a pariah. Herschel deserves redemption. Or should step away from his campaign and get out of politics.
Here’s the thing, though: the alleged domestic violence, the alleged philandering, the alleged lying about his fidelity… and his shot-calling an ex girlfriend’s abortion… and his secret kids… and his businesses… and his charitable contributions… and his college degree… and (fill in whatever other scandal sure to pop up in the next coming weeks before the midterm elections)… none of this makes any never mind. I mean, Republicans across the land are back-bending like Neo in “The Matrix” to overlook the fact that their boy, the family values, anti-abortion, Christian, business-savy football hero, looks more like a cheating ass, lying ass, deadbeat ass, greasy ass snake oil salesman, but their hypocrisy knows no bounds, so this is neither surprising nor the point.

 

They are willing to overlook all of Walker’s mess if it means they can wrest back control of the Senate, which, for the past two years, has enjoyed a slim Democratic margin, thanks to Georgia voting Jon Osoff and the Rev. Raphael Warknock, both democrats, into office. Typical Republican madness—loyalty, no matter how much chaos it causes.
The real issue here is that Walker is an absolute dummy who has a serious shot at becoming a United States senator representing my great state of Georgia. This is where I lay my head and pay taxes and vote, and I expect my representatives to be reasonably intelligent, concerned about the well-being of Georgia and capable of actually doing the job. This isn’t just about ideology; this is legit about whether the next U.S. senator of Georgia can complete whole sentences, much less put together the coherent thought necessary to craft policy and legislate on behalf of the United States as a whole and Georgia in particular. I mean, this fool literally thinks environmental policy includes figuring out how to keep our “good air” from floating to China and India, taking up enough space in the atmosphere to push the “bad air” back to America. “So we got to clean that up,” he said proudly. With a straight face. Months later, he criticized President Biden’s sweeping climate, healthcare and deficit-reduction plan by insisting its global warming spending is wasteful. “They continue to try to fool you that they are helping you out. But they’re not,” Walker said. “Because a lot of money, it’s going to trees. Don’t we have enough trees around here?”

 

 

Dude also claimed to be an FBI agent and cop, and recently doubled down on his insistence that he’s a bonafide law enforcement official by tweeting a photo of a card naming him a “special deputy sheriff” in the Cobb County Sheriff’s Office. Please note: the card, as someone clowned on Twitter, gives him about the same law enforcement power as a member of the Paw Patrol.
It’s not just that Walker is a liar. It’s that he’s delusional. And my God, in a time when we’re dealing with record inflation, possible recession, severe income inequality, the twin pandemics of Covid and racial inequality, police brutality, an imploding planet and the absolute demise of democracy, the last thing we here in Georgia need representing us is a person who moves like Walker. Especially since his job would call for him to confirm judges to federal court, the Supreme Court, and members of the executive branch’s cabinet, plus pass the very laws he criticizes but clearly does not understand.
Y’all believe what Christian has to say about his daddy.
Y’all pray for us here in Georgia.
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