You Just Do You, I’ll Do Me: 7 Signs He Wants Some Alone Time

December 30, 2011  |  
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In a relationship, after spending hours in each person’s face, everyone needs a break occasionally to do the things they like so they don’t lose their mind. Therefore, your relationship isn’t doomed just because your boyfriend displays the need for some space. It could be doomed though, if you don’t pick up on that need and give it to him. So look out for these signs:


He is staying up later than you:

To avoid offending you, your boyfriend might try to take some alone time when you’ll notice it least—the middle of the night. He might stop coming to bed with you at the same time, or maybe he will crawl back out of bed after you two have had sex and you’ve fallen asleep. He could be upstairs doing work, watching TV or just sitting and thinking, but if he is doing this regularly, he is trying to sneak in alone time because he is afraid to ask for it.

He is getting up early:

Same concept as staying up late. He might take advantage of the fact that you like your snooze time and hop out of bed early to have the living room all to himself, or start taking a workout class super early—so early that it’s unappealing to you.

He is planning things he knows you have no interest in:

Beer pong tournaments. Tickets to muscle car shows. Or even more subtle happenings such as watching a UFC match with friends, or hitting the greens to play a little golf one afternoon. Whatever it may be—he seems to be doing a lot more of the things that he knows it won’t even be rude to not invite you to.

He hesitates when you ask him to commit to a plan:

This could be because he doesn’t know when the need to be alone will set in and that farmers market/weekend getaway/trip to visit your parents might spark up the feeling that he suddenly really wants to be alone. He also could be hesitating to answer because he doesn’t have an “excuse” of why he can’t go, and he doesn’t feel comfortable just telling you, “I might want to just have some alone time that day.” If it seems this way, give him the answer he’s looking for: “It’s okay if you just want to relax that day on your own.”

He is joining groups/taking up hobbies:

He is on sites like often trying to find groups to join and hobbies to take up. He has met a few new buddies at work and wants to get involved in their romps on the basketball courts on Saturdays. He has suddenly taken a huge interest in exploring any and every new activity under the sun. While it might be confusing for you at first, this is because he feels the need to have something that is just his own–not “ya’lls” thing. If he asks you to come along to participate or watch, that’s cool, but don’t ask to go with him.


He starts breaking your “traditions”:

Maybe you wander around Target together every Saturday looking for apartment things, or maybe you hit the gym together once a week. That’s your thing. But all of a sudden he starts bailing. It can freak a guy out to feel like his whole existence is dominated by his relationship, and if you have a lot of things you always do together, like clockwork, he can feel suffocated. If he wants to break one of your traditions one day, just say “that’s totally fine.” He will probably miss it again in no time.

He is less than thrilled by your surprises:

You surprise him with tickets to go to a show, or by inviting your favorite couple of friends over for a double date night when he gets off work–you know, things that require a lot of attention and energy. At one time he would try and be enthused, put on a good shirt and play grateful, but these days, he’s saying “oooh, okay…” and forcing a smile. These surprises are starting to feel more like traps rather than good things. Lay off them for a while.

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