Signs You’re Raising An Entitled Child And Why That’s A Problem - Page 7
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In 2019 I wrote an essay that went semi-viral titled, Dear Adult Children, Your Parents Don’t Owe You Anything. In the essay, I discussed adults who have an inflated sense of entitlement in regard to their parents’ money, time, and resources. In essence, I argued that adults should be appreciative of the many ways that their parents continue to support them, but that they should not be demanding these things. The overwhelming response to the article revealed two things: One, many people are suffering from childhood trauma. Two, there are many, many adults who continue to be entitled AF.
To those who are suffering from traumatic childhoods, I would like to say that the essay was in no way targeted towards you. I pray that you are able to find true healing and that you are able to break every generational curse that has attached itself to your bloodline. To the entitled folks, I say that you really need to grow up and learn to appreciate your parents while they are still here to receive your gratitude because if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that tomorrow is not promised.
One other common response that stood out to me were those who pointed out the significant role that parents play in instilling an inflated sense of entitlement into their kids, which is the reason for this post. So often, parents complain about self-entitled kids without recognizing how they help to contribute to this mindset. Naturally, the first step to correcting this attitude is recognizing that your child has it in the first place. So here are 10 tell-tale signs that you’re raising an entitled child. In isolation, these signs may not mean much, but when demonstrated in a symphony, they are indicative of a problem.
Disclaimer: This list does not apply to children with disabilities or personality disorders. If you suspect that your child may be living with an undiagnosed mental illness or disability, we encourage you to seek guidance from a competent mental health professional. Therapy for Black Girls is a great place to begin your search.
They believe that they’re above the rules
No one wants to follow rules all of the time — not even adults. However, a child who never wants to abide by the rules because they believe that rules are beneath them is highly entitled. Not only will this attitude create problems for them in childhood, but it will also hinder their ability to prosper in the real world as functional members of society.
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They challenge authority and are disrespectful to other adults
In addition to struggling to abide by rules, highly entitled children can be unreasonably defiant to those who are in authority. They are always in conflict with teachers and authority figures and will often seek to undermind them. They also typically have a reputation for being disrespectful to adults.
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They rarely say “thank you”
A textbook trait of an entitled child is the refusal or inability to say thank you. They believe that all things are owed to them, which means that there is no need to demonstrate gratitude for them. Anytime I witnessed this trait in my work as a teacher or even with children in my own family, it was because the parent failed to teach the child to show appreciation for gestures made by others. Basic manners are taught and learned at home. Moving through life with this type of attitude will create problems for the child in their social and professional interactions because ungratefulness is very off-putting.
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They don’t want to work at anything
In addition to their refusal to show gratitude, highly entitled children will also begin to demonstrate signs that they don’t believe that they have to work for things. This trait may manifest through habitual stealing incidents or constantly blaming others when their grades are not up to par. Adults who don’t want to work for what they have will experience their share of hardship and will often resort to problematic behaviors to attain the things they believe are owed to them.
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They demonstrate a blatant lack of empathy
Kids can be quite self-centered at times, but they are naturally caring and compassionate. When a child demonstrates an inability or extreme unwillingness to empathize with others, such as saying and doing hurtful things to others without regard for their feelings and while showing little to no remorse, it’s indicative of a problem. If left to fester, it will dramatically impact their ability to maintain relationships in adulthood.
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They fiercely reject accountability
Let’s be honest, accepting responsibility for their actions is not a trait that comes naturally to children, but it is one that should be instilled in them as they grow. If a child still can’t admit when they’re wrong, at least some of the time, by late elementary school or early middle school, it’s time for a serious intervention.
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They demonstrate an obnoxious sense of superiority
Entitled people often feel that they are superior to others. It’s their justification for failure to follow the Golden Rule, which is to treat others in the way you would want to be treated. They show little consideration for others; however, they expect to be afforded with the same compassion that they fail to offer to others.
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They refuse to compromise
Young children can be quite unreasonable, but as they mature and develop a better understanding of how the world works, they learn to compromise. They learn to take turns and recognize that they can’t have their way 100 percent of the time. However, when a child always digs in their heels and refuses to compromise or work with others it’s a problem that will hinder them both professionally and personally in adulthood.
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They throw tantrums
For young children, tantrums are developmentally appropriate. They are a means of expressing frustration because the child has limited communication skills. However, tantrums past a certain age speak to a deeper issue regarding entitlement, manipulation, and even self-control. Somewhere along the line, they learned that they are able to get what they want by having explosive emotional outbursts, which is why the tantrums continued well past toddlerhood.
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They are extreme attention seekers
Some highly entitled people are notorious for their need to always be the center of attention. They simply don’t know how to step back and allow others to be the center — even if it’s highly warranted. This may manifest through intense demonstrations of jealously of the attention that another child receives as a result of a tragedy or sulking when a sibling is celebrated.
