“You’re better than this,” “He’s not worthy of you,” “Why do you put up with this?” Do friends and loved ones often say these things to you about your relationship?
Maybe it’s you who finds yourself saying it to your loved ones – to a friend who is such a catch but is with someone who doesn’t treat her as such. She dates the mooch. The user. The cheater. The guy who won’t get his act together. The guy who puts her down. It’s difficult to understand how a woman you see as attractive, strong, intelligent, and desirable would be with someone who is none of those things. But the human psyche is a bit complicated. It’s true that people don’t always look for their match in terms of emotional intelligence and maturity. Furthermore, not everyone truly understands what their value is, and so, they couldn’t possibly identify a match.
There are many factors at play, from culture to one’s childhood and emotional past that contribute to accepting less-than-great love. We spoke with Aria Craig, author of “The Single Mother Diaries” who regularly works with divorced women in her coaching practice, about why people accept less than they deserve in relationships.
It can come from childhood or faith
“We tolerate less than what we deserve because of our experience growing up. Even from our church families,” says Craig. Craig has worked with couples who take their relationship perspective from their faith, and she notes that in certain faiths, women are taught to be submissive. Craig adds, “From our childhood, we can be taught that we need to tolerate certain levels of behavior.”