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When you look back at relationships that ended, you can probably spot the fact that they “ended” long before they officially came to a close. You couldn’t put an exact date on it, but there was a time when the relationship went from enjoyable to difficult. There were definite months or weeks when you were clearly working on the relationship rather than just experiencing it. You were unhappy more than you were happy. You started chatting with your friends about issues going on in your relationship, rather than telling them about all the fun you and your partner were having. Hindsight is always 20/20, right? But, even then, you were still just wondering if the relationship needed to end. You didn’t see clear evidence that it needed to be over. You were holding onto hope, and justifying certain behaviors.

When you aren’t quite ready to let go of something, your brain will play tricks on you. It will find the morsel of something good in a relationship that is, as a whole, not good. However, there are dynamics that can arise that, when you see them, should trigger the thought, “Something needs to change.” Either the relationship must end, or you and your partner need to create some clear rules and boundaries so that things can be very different moving forward.

The reality, though, is that can be hard to do, which is something we touched on in our interview with dating coach Francesca Hogi who approaches her coaching work very much from a place of focusing on the personal work and growth of the individual, rather than simply manipulating and attracting outside parties. That’s why she’s a love and life coach: even if her advice doesn’t put you in a relationship tomorrow, it stands a chance to change your life forever. Hogi gave us insight on signs that a relationship is coming to an end.

Frencesca Hogi

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The damage is spreading

Hogi says it’s time to consider ending a relationship, “If your relationship is causing heaviness and darkness in your life [so much so] that it’s starting to emotionally impact you in other parts of your life, like say, when you go to work, you’re consumed with worry or anxiety about your relationship, or it’s difficult for you to be present in your relationships with other people because of any stress or worry or shame you’re feeling about your romantic relationship.”

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