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I was chatting with my sister this weekend about the many men she works with in the restaurant industry, and how there are some whom she can always count on to make a borderline creepy/flirtatious comment when they come around. She braces herself for it when she has to encounter these dudes. Sometimes, it isn’t even something overtly gross or sexual, but they still just have to say something that lets it be known that they see her a certain way. It almost seems like some dudes have this knee-jerk reaction—maybe it’s a strange form of Tourette’s syndrome—by which they must let any present female know she is a sexual object. Lord forbid they let a woman escape the room without making sure she knows that everyone noticed she’s pretty, when she was just trying to…make a business deal or…make a purchase.
This struggle isn’t limited to women in the restaurant industry (though it is too common there). Most women can probably agree that, sadly, walking around in the world as a woman means always being ready for these little comments. Some are not so little—some are truly disturbing. My sister and I made a great observation about that, though. We said there simply are men who go there, and ones who don’t. There is no in-between. No grey area. A man either is the type of man who A) Is aware that women put up with a lot and B) Cares to try to minimize that for them or…he just doesn’t think of it. Honestly, I think that respectful men certainly have many of the creepy thoughts that creepy men have. They just take the extra step of using a filter before speaking. Some men just care about going out of their way to make sure women around them feel comfortable—particularly women they are courting—and some men never think about it. Men who care about a woman’s comfort will do these things.
Let you choose the place
If you want to choose a place where you know the entire staff, a man should be fine with that. He shouldn’t be bothered that they’re all “vetting” him or judging him. If you feel most at ease there, then that’s where you two should go. He shouldn’t push for some dingy, obscure, back-alley bar where nobody can see you two.
