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There are two conflicting but equally important keys to a happy relationship: communication and also knowing when to keep your mouth shut. Not everything needs to be said. Note very sentiment and thought needs to be expressed. You probably know that, because there have been times in your life when someone—a coworker, friend, family member, or your partner—has said something that left you thinking, “Well. We could have all done without that comment.” Of course, when you are used to telling your partner everything and being so open with one another, it can feel unnatural to just bite your tongue sometimes. But no matter how well you two generally understand each other and what a good job you do at interpreting one another’s intentions, sometimes, your partner is just going to be sensitive and doesn’t want to hear it.
In the grand scheme of things, you have to ask yourself if speaking up is worth it. Will this issue be recurring? How much will it actually affect you? Is there anything anyone can even do about it? Is it perhaps founded on…nothing? Or something silly? Even though it can feel really good to just say what you want to say in the moment, it can sometimes feel so bad afterwards (because of the fight it caused) that it wasn’t worth it. Sometimes we just have to swallow our feelings and thoughts because, well, whatever is triggering them actually isn’t that big of a deal, and/or will be out of our lives soon enough. That will come up so many times when you’re in a long-term relationship. You won’t always love what your partner does or says and you want to speak up but…decide not to pick that battle. If you’re smart. Here are times you should just bite your tongue in love.
An ex getting in touch
So your partner’s ex gets in touch. She wants to grab lunch and catch up. Maybe she has a professional opportunity for him. A common old friend is having some major event that she suggests they attend together, as friends. This may make your blood boil, but if you say something, you wind up feeling embarrassed because you trust your partner. You may need to say nothing, smile, pretend to be happy, and let him wind up realizing how amazingly chill you were about that. Brownie points to you.
