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I’ve been friends with a few love addicts in my life. The very reasons I’ve been drawn to them—they’re raw, personable, social, exciting, fiercely loving and affectionate—are the same reasons their addiction takes over their lives. If you are a love and sex addict, and have all of those qualities I just described, you can imagine how easy it is to get your hands on your vice (aka sex and relationships). It’s probably hard to be shy, anti-social, cold, and a love addict. The two just never go hand-in-hand.
You may wonder why I let myself be friends with any sort of addict at all. But you have to understand that, while love and drugs have a lot of commonalities—including what it feels like to come down from them—love addicts can, for the most part, masquerade as healthy and functional adults. They are still technically sober. And when they are single, or when they have bouts of staying away from love and sex, they have complete control over their actions—well as much control as any adult can have. And they can make great friends.
Being good friends with a love and sex addict can really suck at times, though. It’s tough because, you want your friend to find love. And presumably one does that by dating. But you can sense that there is something unhealthy at play around how she handles dating and relationships, and it often affects you. Any good friend is there for her friend during breakups, and to hear all about the dating and hookup stories, so you’re there like that for this friend. But you can get pulled in too deep being there for a love addict. Her need for support is different, and at times unhealthy. Here is why it’s tough being friends with a love addict.
She’ll leave your plans early
She’ll often pull the plug on your plans early, and you know it’s because the person she is dating invited her over. You go to the movies, and had talked about having dinner after. She’s texting a lot during the movies (with her beau, you’re sure), and “suddenly” doesn’t feel well and wants to go home. But you know she went to see the guy.
Or flake entirely
She’ll flake a lot on your plans entirely. When she is single, she may be totally reliable. But as soon as a guy comes into the picture, you know that any plan you make is only a pseudo plan, and can change in an instant if her current boyfriend asks to see her then.
