Public Shaming Is An Ineffective Means Of Discipline

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Hispanic mother disciplining daughter, or giving advice

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Sometime during the last decade, a troubling parenting trend began to gain traction: public humiliation on social media. Public shaming has always been a tool in the discipline repertoire of some parents; however, with the increasing popularity of social media came a surge of parents making the discipline of their children available for public consumption. We have all witnessed images and videos of parents scolding their children for some kind of offense or forcing them to hold signs that bear messages such as “I’m a liar” or “I stole.” While some praise these efforts and consider them to be “creative parenting,” child psychologists often urge parents to find another way. Aside from its potential to wreak havoc on a child’s self-esteem and destroy the trust that naturally exists within a healthy parent-child relationship, here are 8 more reasons why public shaming is an effective form of discipline.

It calls your motives into question

Any time I see a parent take to social media with images, footage, or posts in which they use public shame as a means of disciplining their kids, I often question their motives. Is the ultimate goal to discipline the child or to impress and gain the respect of other adults? Are you trying to teach your child a lesson or satisfy your insatiable need to publicize your life? The lines are easily blurred.

African American parents consoling their sad girl at home.

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The feelings and emotions of children are often magnified beyond proportion

Children often experience emotions at a disproportionate magnitude in comparison to the average adult. As a result, public humiliation can act as an immense weight on a child’s shoulders that can inflict long-lasting damage. Often times, the result that the shaming produces can be highly disproportionate to the unwanted behavior that a parent seeks to correct.

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The goal of discipline is not to get even or induce guilt

When children do disrespectful or outrageous things, it can drudge up mixed emotions in parents that include feelings of anger and embarrassment. However, a key concept to remember when it comes to rearing children is purpose over power. Before moving forward with any form of discipline, parents should consider the intended outcome. The primary goal of discipline is not to get even or to induce guilt. It is to correct unwanted or harmful behavior.

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It’s damaging to their self-esteem

Mistakes are a natural part of life. Children make them just as adults do. However, to put a child on blast in public or on social media platforms for an error in judgment is a sure way to damage their self-esteem. As parents, we should always seek to uplift our kids, not tear them down.

Teenage boy ignores lecturing mother at home

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It’s damaging to the parent-child relationship

Resorting to shaming as a means of discipline can also begin to eat away at the parent-child relationship over time and can cultivate feelings of hostility, resentment, and avoidance.

Teenage boy holding smart phone has lighthearted discussion with his mother

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It’s a violation of trust

Trust is an essential building block of healthy parent-child relationships; however, when a parent goes out of their way to embarrass their child in front of an audience, it eats away at the foundation of the relationship and causes damage that is sometimes irreparable. It sends the message that mom or dad will not protect me if they’re upset with me.

Father disciplining or giving advice to teenage boy

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There’s a difference between guilt and shame

Though guilt should not be the intended goal when disciplining children, feelings of guilt may very well lead to changed behavior because guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame, however, says “There’s something wrong with me.” The former will not lead to changed behavior. In fact, it can often have adverse effects and result in feelings of defeat and produce similar or even worse behavior.

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It’s a form of adult bullying

Let’s just be honest, using a public platform to humiliate, coerce, or intimidate a person is textbook bullying.

African American mother with mixed race son, parenting

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Humiliation sends a terrible message about making mistakes

Studies have shown that feelings of humiliation have a negative impact on the human brain. Using this negative feeling like an emotional weapon and means of discipline against children can produce feelings of anxiety and sends the message that if a person makes a mistake, they deserve to be publicly criticized and devalued.

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You can’t control what happens after you click “share”

It’s unlikely that many parents who have publicly shamed their children on social networking platforms intended for their posts to go viral. Unfortunately, even when air-tight privacy settings are installed, you can’t control what happens to content once you share it. In a matter of minutes, your efforts to correct your child during one of their lowest moments can be made available for global consumption. It’s just not worth it.