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Being a love and sex addict can destroy your life, at worst, and at the best, leave you with a life that isn’t entirely yours—your addiction will always be the ruler. All of your decisions will be dictated by that addiction. And, just like with any sort of addiction—whether it’s to a substance, to gambling, to spending, or anything—it can make you abuse friends, break trust, drop the ball on major responsibilities, and generally be a not-so-upstanding citizen. That’s why the steps to getting over relationship addiction are quite similar to the 12 steps in an alcoholics anonymous program.
I recently reconnected with a friend who had been a love and sex addict for many years, and that addiction had made her a bad friend. I did pity her, because I could see that, no matter how much she upset me, she was ten times more miserable internally. Love and sex addiction can leave one feeling crazed and unhinged. And as much as I wanted to be there for her, I had to be there for myself, more. I just couldn’t put up with her completely bailing on our plans and going MIA because she met a guy who she shacked up with for a week one more time. I couldn’t handle her leaving me at a bar to go home with a stranger—not so much as a text letting me know she’d left—one more time. And I really couldn’t handle meeting one new boyfriend of hers, investing in him and liking him, only to have him replaced within two weeks. But that’s the life of a love and sex addict.
When she implored me to give our friendship a second chance, I was surprised. She had changed. But how? “Love and sex addicts anonymous.” The meetings really work for her. Here’s a look into why that is.
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She sees it really is a sickness
Before, she thought that her feelings—her impulses and general behavior—were unique to her. She thought that this was all some confusing, messy, blurry ball of behaviors that nobody else dealt with. But at the meetings, she hears people share, and their thoughts and feelings are shockingly similar to hers. So she recognized she has a group of symptoms and that this is, in fact, an illness.
