Unfortunately, the concept of a peacefully co-existing blended family is a new one. More often than not we’ve seen parents ignore other children entirely, or the children involved are treated poorly by the adults in the situation. To be honest maturity, bruised ego and hurt feelings prevents people from fully embracing a child they didn’t birth—even though that child didn’t ask to be here and didn’t create the situation in which they were born.
There was one such example a woman shared on Facebook about a family vacation she was financing for herself, her boyfriend, and the children they share together.
She shared her dilemma on Facebook.
There are a few things going on here. One, it’s a family vacation but she seems to be the only one financing it. Problem. Her suggestion that her boyfriend and the mother of his child pay for their child is not an outlandish one. But from the way she described this scenario, that might not be an option. If he doesn’t have the money to pay for his other children, current girlfriend or himself, there’s a strong likelihood that he can’t afford the cost of admission for his other child.
We have to wonder why she’s okay with this man not paying for any of his children to enjoy a vacation? There is a possibility that this man takes care of other financial responsibilities so she had the additional funds to finance a vacation. If she’s paying for this vacation in addition to their other responsibilities, that might be a question she needs to ask herself, before we even talk about his child. Why is he not able to contribute?
But aside from that very pertinent question, I wonder about this woman’s ultimate goals for her family. Is she so concerned about saving money that she’s willing to allow a child to feel left out of his/her father’s family vacation? There’s no way his daughter won’t learn about her siblings the vacation they took together. What will the adults in her life say to her to explain it? Her biological mother and father couldn’t afford it, so she had to suffer while her father’s other children got to experience it?
The person who shared this story raised a good point. If you’re going to accept a partner, you have to be willing to accept their child as well. And loving someone should mean that you love their child enough not to want to hurt their feelings in a very psychologically damaging way. Being left out of a “family” vacation can affect her issues of self-worth, belonging, not to mention it will likely breed resentment with her father, his girlfriend and possibly her siblings.
If you’re going to be with a person who has children, you should lean into that. And if you’re going to fit the bill for a grown man, his child should be included in that.
See what other people had to say about this woman’s dilemma on the following pages.