Important Lessons Women Can Learn From True Crime Shows
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I’ve been watching a lot of true crime movies and shows lately—as a lot of women have. It seems there is a phenomena by which women tend to make up the majority of viewers and listeners when it comes to true crime shows and podcasts. There are a lot of theories on why this is, but I have one of my own: we are learning important information for our safety. Women are far more likely than men to be killed by someone they know. Maybe in our guts, we know it, and we don’t even need any research to tell us that. If you’re a woman, then you know that every day you step out of your home, you have this fear lingering over your head. Is anyone following me? Is anyone watching me? We are so used to living with that fear, we hardly even notice it anymore. It’s second nature to make sure nobody is behind us when we get in our cars. Men don’t live with such fear. I wish we didn’t need to learn so much about self-defense, but we do. And here are lessons women can learn from true crime shows.
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Be rude: stay alive
In so many of the horror stories we know, being polite is the thing that led to one’s death. Accepting a ride from a stranger. Giving directions to a stranger. We do feel nervous when strangers approach us but women especially are taught to be polite and agreeable. We can think more about that than our safety, and that’s something predators rely on.
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That means turning down help
You don’t need to let that man help you upstairs with your groceries. You don’t need to accept that walk to your car. Feel free to be rude—it could save your life. If this person truly just wants to help you, then he’ll respect your decision to say, “No, thank you.”
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And not giving help
This one can be especially difficult for women since it’s in our nature to be nurturing, but don’t be helpful is the situation doesn’t feel right. You don’t need to give a stranger directions. He can go into a business and ask for those. You don’t need to give someone a ride. He can take the bus or walk.
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Beware of men who seem “perfect”
Too many episodes of true crime stories depict the story of a fairy tale romance—of a woman who meets a man who is too good to be true. He’s as romantic as could be, swept her off her feet, and even seemed to share all of the exact same interests and hobbies. Then, he kills her. It’s not uncommon for a predator to learn about his victim (hobbies, interests, background) so he can imitate the perfect man, get close, and strike.
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Don’t hang with a man you rejected
If a man tries to sleep with you or date you, and you turn him down, don’t accept his follow-up invitation to “Just hang out.” Too many female murders are perpetrated by sexually rejected men. If a man wanted more than friendship, he probably still does. So his sudden change of heart and desire to just be friends may be sinister.
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If he shows aggression even once, leave
Sadly, a staggering number of women are killed by their romantic partners. After the murder, it’s often revealed that physical abuse had occurred for years in the relationship. Know the warning signs of physical abuse. If a man ever lays a hand on you even once, leave.
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Don’t broadcast life insurance policies
How many episodes of “Forensic Files” are about someone being killed for the life insurance policy? If you take out a life insurance policy, do not let the beneficiary know about it. Just don’t. There’s no need.
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Heed warnings from exes
In some stories of women killed by their partners, there are often incidents of other ex girlfriends or wives reaching out and warning the victim that the man was violent. If you sense your partner could be violent, and an ex confirms it, listen.
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Wear a GPS tracker
The sad reality is that some women had a chance to survive. They weren’t killed immediately after abduction. Wearing a GPS tracker could have made the difference. Furthermore, you can install an app in your phone that sends out an emergency signal when you are in danger. The Red Panic Button app is a good one.
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Don’t give creepy men the benefit of the doubt
If a man gives you a creepy vibe, don’t do what some women do and try to reverse their judgment. Follow your gut. You don’t need to befriend or spend time alone with a man who seems odd. You can be polite enough, but you don’t need to have dinner with him.
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Keep mace and/or a weapon everywhere
In your purse. In your glove compartment. In your trunk (remember you could be thrown into your own trunk, and when the predator opens it back up, you can strike). Keep a weapon in your kitchen drawer. In your bedside drawer. There is no such thing as being over-prepared.
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A title doesn’t ensure ethics
Tragically, many murderers have been otherwise respected and admired members of our society. Pastors. Police officers. Counselors. As a woman, you do not ever need to be alone with a man if you don’t feel safe. If a police officer pulls you over, wait until you’re in a lit place where there are other people. If a pastor invites you to meet with him privately after hours, bring a friend or partner.
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We can’t trust our spouses
It can be so hard to believe that a man you love—that a man who has shown love and care for you—would ever kill you. That is exactly what many women will offer as their reason for staying in abusive relationships for years. If a partner is abusive to you, he does not care about you. He may try to tell you that it is his form of caring. It is not.
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Bring a colleague to a new client’s house
If we learned anything from “Making A Murderer” it should be this: women who work in a profession in which they travel to client’s homes should not go alone. If you work for a company that asks you to travel to a client’s house, require an escort.
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We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t
Our husbands and boyfriends murder us. The men we won’t sleep with murder us. Even men we’ve never spoken to who have made-up fantasies in their head about some relationship with us murder us. We can never be too cautious. We should always trust our instincts.
