The term “hobosexual” was first introduced into my vocabulary when my dear colleague was playfully speaking of men who prey on single women who live alone so they can have a place to stay rent free.
“I wasn’t letting him stay over for more than one night, you know how these hobosexuals are,” she said in passing. My brain gobbled up the phrase and light bulbs went off. Hobo, crudely meaning homeless, and sexual. Brilliant.
Finally, there was language to be used to describe the predatory practice some men employ to live off of women.
But it appears this term was coined by a Twitter user in reference to “Insecure’s” notorious Lawrence character, who began sleeping around post Issa breakup after he moved out.
While the idea of a “hobosexual” may be comical in idea, in practice, it can be very insidious. A lot of women get so swept up in the initial waves of love, that they bypass all the red flags that indicate they are being used.
I’m no expert but by the experience of my peers and a few articles I’ve read, I’ve identified some key signs you should look out for to see if your new boo is in love, or if he’s just looking to live rent free.
He Love Bombs You
I heard this phrase from a psychology study, but basically love bombing is when someone comes on super strong promising you the world, their heart and their time. While that may seem romantic, healthy relationships evolve over time. Men know they can love bomb you and get you so caught up in the feelings of adoration that you miss all their dirty tricks. Don’t be too impressed when someone says they want to marry you or have kids early on. They may even go as far as boldly saying, “We should move in together, I just want to be around you all the time.” No he doesn’t sis. He wants a place to sleep.
He Lives With His Parents/Doesn’t Have His Own Place
This one is pretty straight forward but yes, hobosexuals have to be…well homeless. If he starts leaving clothes, toothbrushes, towels and other belongings in your apartment without having a conversation with you, clearly he’s trying to get a little too cozy. He may even tell you a sob story about his living situation or his ex, explaining why his place of living isn’t comfortable. Guess what? In early dating, this is NOT your problem. He should be asking other friends and family members for a spot to stay in that case, not the new girl he JUST started sleeping with.
Now, this isn’t a sure sign, but it’s telling. Men like to tell you they “fell on a hard time,” but seriously, who hasn’t? And work doesn’t mean it has to be some high-profile gig, but there should be something daily he is doing to reach his goals or to help pay the bills during unemployed time. If he has more excuses than tangible actions, he may be looking to pull one over on you. Plus, moving someone unemployed in your space of living only means more bills and another mouth to feed. Are you his lover or his mama?
You Always Have To Ask Him To Leave
Ever dealt with a guy who never seemed to have anywhere to go? Red flag! You may be leaving for work and he’s just sitting on your couch twiddling his thumbs, don’t ignore that. If you always have to say, “Hey, I’m heading out, you should too…” every time he stays the night, most likely he has no goals, purpose or endeavors. And don’t get too wooed by his offers to cook you dinner or run a few errands. It may come off romantic at first, but unless he’s signing up to be a full time house-hubby, he’s most likely taking advantage of you.
Read more on what the internet has to say about hobosexuals: