Alright I understand that everyone thinks they are busy, but my boyfriend and I are seriously tremendously over-scheduled. We both work day jobs within the hours of roughly 9 to 5 and then have passion pursuits we dedicate another five to seven hours to after work. We are both busy from basically 9am to 10pm every single day. We also pursue our passion projects on the weekends. When most people are preheating the oven and turning on Netflix for a chill night in around 7pm, we are starting our round two of the day, driving around and pursuing our dreams. So, to couples who consider themselves busy because they work 9 to 5, hit the gym and volunteer for two hours on Saturday, I’m sorry but your busy doesn’t hold a candle to ours. The good thing is that we both live this pace of life, so we understand it and accept it. It doesn’t cause fights between us really, but it can be hard on our social lives. Here’s what it’s like being that very busy couple.
I go solo on double dates
It’s pretty common that a couple we love invites us both to hang out, and we just can’t find a date that works for both my partner and I, so we finally say, “Screw it. I’ll just go hang out with them without you.” But, that can leave the guy in the other couple feeling like my partner just doesn’t like him. It isn’t true—sometimes the way our schedules work out just makes it so I’m the only one who can represent from our couple.
Some people think he doesn’t exist
I have some acquaintances who believe my partner simply doesn’t exist—that I made up a boyfriend. I can’t blame them. They’ve known me for several years and never met him.
Or they think he isn’t invested
Then I have friends who know my boyfriend exists, but believe he isn’t that invested in the relationship since he doesn’t meet up with my friends that often. They don’t realize how much he makes a point to put aside time just to be alone with me—but that’s really all the free time he has left to spare. He doesn’t have much for one of my friend’s birthday parties.
We must schedule date night very early
We have to schedule date night over a month in advance. If we do not find that one night—that very rare night—on which we are both free and hold it for each other, something else will take it over.
We only get date night every 4 to 6 weeks
We also only get to have a date night every four to six weeks if we are lucky. We have had periods of time when several months went by and we just couldn’t find a free night to have a proper date night.
We have to schedule sex, too
We have to schedule sex, too. That’s actually fairly common amongst long-term couples, but it’s especially difficult for us—and yet especially important. Sex can never “just happen.” Our days are scheduled down to even five-minute increments. If we don’t put aside the time to have sex, we will not have a sex life.
But we can’t just squeeze sex in
Of course, we can’t just say we are having sex on Sunday from 6 to 6:20 pm. We need some wiggle room to get in the mood. What if we had a bad day? What if we are stressed? We have to put aside not just the time to have sex but also the time to get in the mood for sex.
Keeping up with catching up is tough
Simply trying to keep up with what is happening in the other’s life is very hard. Something exciting will happen on a Monday, but I don’t really get the chance to sit down and catch up with my partner until Thursday, and by that point, four other big things happened and I totally forget about the Monday thing.
I write things down to tell him
I’ve actually started to write down the things I want to make sure I tell my partner. I’ve given up on even pretending that I’m going to remember them by the time I finally catch up with my man.
We often have no clue where the other is
Sometimes I’ll realize I have no idea what my partner has been doing all day. We have both been so busy that we haven’t squeezed in a phone call in seven hours and I couldn’t possibly tell you where he is at the moment, nor does he have any clue of all the places I’ve gone. People will ask me, “Where’s your boyfriend?” and I’ll realize, “I…don’t know.”
Free time must be scheduled
We have to protect free time like a precious commodity. Sometimes, we’ll be invited to something, and realize that while we are technically free that day, it’s also the only free day we have that month. If we add something to it, we risk getting burnt out. It’s hard to tell someone that that’s why you’re missing their birthday party.
We bicker over looking at the calendar
Simply looking at the calendar can cause bickering. We need a break from the act of scheduling. Sometimes, I have to nag my partner five times before he’ll just pull up his calendar to pencil something in.
People think we’re divas
I know that we sound like douchebags when we say we’re really busy. And trying to explain just how busy we are makes it seem even more so. There are people out there who just assume we’re one of those couples who thinks they’re busy, but really aren’t. They’re wrong but, I can’t change their thinking. I don’t even have time to try!
We have no tolerance for flakiness
We have a zero tolerance policy on flakiness. We had another couple bail on us, twice, at the last minute, and we just don’t see them anymore. They didn’t understand that both of us turned down several other things in order to make those plans work.
Holding a date gives us anxiety
Holding a date for a potential event gives us anxiety because we just know something else will fight for that time slot. So, if someone says, for example, “I am having my birthday party next weekend—not sure if Friday or Saturday, will let you know by the end of the week” we both begin to sweat.