Why Men Take Cheating So Much Harder Than Women Do

April 8, 2019  |  
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cheating and relationships

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Cheating is a terrible, terrible thing. I highly disapprove of it. I think it’s something that weak people do—people who don’t have the balls (or ovaries) to have that tough conversation to just leave the relationship in which they’re clearly unhappy, or selfish people who want to have their cake and eat it, too. It brings misery upon a relationship, should the couple choose to be together, and can scar everyone involved for life. That being said, it’s something that both men and women do—it just doesn’t seem to be something men thought women did. Man or woman, everybody is hurt when cheated on. Most people are surprised. But men are just…so shocked that a woman could ever cheat on them, you can almost see their brains short-circuiting. The possibility of a woman being unfaithful just didn’t cross their minds. Look, nobody should accept cheating as okay. But this is just a reality: men take cheating SO much harder than women do. Here’s why.

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They thought women had low sex drives

A lot of men presume their partners don’t even really want to have much sex with them, let alone anyone else. They figure their partners have sex with them because they love them and it’s part of a healthy relationship. But they don’t realize women could have such a high sex drive that they’d pursue multiple partners at once.

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They feel competitive with other men

Sometimes, the anger isn’t so much at the woman for cheating as it is at the other man. Men feel very competitive with other men when it comes to women—like she’s a prize to be won. Some jump to picking a fight with the other man before asking the woman why this happened—as if she didn’t even have agency in it.

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They felt ownership

A lot of men feel that their female partners are their property. They wouldn’t necessarily say those words but, once the cheating comes out, they will say things like, “But you’re mine” or “But you belong to me!” Women don’t really say things like that when men cheat on them.

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They didn’t think women had the guts

Some men just didn’t know women had the guts to cheat. They knew they might have the desire, but they didn’t know they’d be so bold as to go through with it.

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They felt they’d earned loyalty

“But I’ve done everything for you,” “But I have given you so much,” or “But I’ve been the best boyfriend!” are some things you may hear. Many men feel that they earn loyalty through being a good boyfriend. Well, the truth is that, sure, we should all technically earn loyalty if we are good partners. But you don’t hear that sort of entitlement from women when they’re cheated on.

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But, aren’t women clingy and super monogamous?

Ah, but of course. Women are just so grateful that a man was even willing to commit to them that they’d never stray, right? Nope, fellas. Not every woman is just dying for marriage and a baby and to cling to one man forever.

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The other guy makes less money

So, maybe it wasn’t about the money. But, a lot of men equate their value as a man with their income (it’s why they also take career setbacks so poorly), so when their partner cheats with a man who makes less, they just don’t get it.

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The other guy is in worse shape

It may also not be about his abs or his general physique. Yet, again, if a man was falling behind in the providing stimulating conversation/being emotionally present department, he probably wouldn’t recognize that that’s what the woman saw in somebody else.

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Women should be well behaved

Obviously, cheating is bad and nobody should do it. But there are some men who think women would never cheat because they should all just be demure, shy, conservative, covered-up, quiet princesses. F-*k those guys. Maybe they did deserve a little infidelity as a reality check that women are also human.

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They could’ve cheated too?!

Then there’s this gross reaction: “Hold on—you’re saying I could have been cheating this whole time, too? I kept it in my pants for nothing!”

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They thought they were the only cheaters

Some men are actively cheating and are still shocked to find out that a woman can beat them at their own game. Even if they, themselves, are cheating, they still think it’s worse that a woman cheats.

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But they spent all that money

“But I spent so much money on you,” or “But I bought you all of those gifts,” or “But I pay your rent!” Unfortunately, money cannot buy loyalty.

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It makes her a bad mother

If the woman is a mother, men can instantly jump to calling her a bad mother for cheating. It’s funny that a man’s value as a father isn’t often questioned if he cheats.

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But they’re good at detecting lies…

Some men just assume they’re excellent at detecting lies. More than anything, they’re upset that they didn’t catch her first, more than they’re upset that it happened. But, I gotta tell you fellas: women are much better actors than you.

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But, “I’m a nice guy…”

Some men just say, “But…I’m a nice guy. Nice guys don’t get cheated on!” Do nice women say, “But nice women don’t get cheated on” when they’re cheated on? Nope! Women tend to have an understanding that, nice or not, anyone can be cheated on.

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