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For some people it’s a topic that elicits great joy and for others it’s something that provokes bone-shaking fear. I’m talking about marriage. People can have vastly different views on the matter. And, for the record, I’m not just talking about single individuals. Plenty of couples in committed relationships—living together, sharing finances, and even having children—don’t like the idea of marriage. A rental agreement is about the only piece of paper they want binding them together. There are all sorts of reasons people can develop suspicious views on marriage, from how they were raised to what they’ve seen their friends go through. Look: marriage certainly shouldn’t be taken lightly. But sometimes I think the things people worry about surrounding marriage are the wrong things. Here are silly and useless fears about marriage. https://madamenoire.com/1006668/upbringing-influence-relationships/ It’s your last sexual partner forever It’s the reason so many people have “one last fling before the ring” or other escapades on the night of the bachelor/bachelorette party: the fear of having one more sexual partner for the rest of their lives. You were never a sex goddess Don’t be ridiculous and think that, if you didn’t get married, you’d still be out there in your fifties, sixties, or seventies having tons of hookups. You were not going to have this high a libido or sexual curiosity for the rest of your life. You weren’t going to be visiting your booty calls, right after picking up your blood pressure prescription. You’ll run out of things to talk about I was once at a restaurant with my sister, and we spotted an elderly couple quietly eating their soup. They didn’t talk for nearly a half hour. They just sat, and ate their soup in silence. “That’s so sad,” my sister said. But I didn’t really think so. Talking is overrated If you’re with someone for over five years—married or not—you’ll find you don’t have lively, intellectual, philosophical, and important conversations every day. And that’s okay. Once you know someone well, and know you share the same values, you take joy in sitting silently with him. In fact, since we talk so much at work and elsewhere, it’s nice not to need to talk too much at home. You’ll become codependent Some couples fear that, should they become married, they’ll become totally codependent. Single individuals fear this concept even more. Nobody wants to be that couple who can’t so much as step outside for lunch if their partner isn’t by their side. That can happen either way Getting married doesn’t increase your chances of being codependent. You either have codependency issues or you don’t, and those will come out when you’re dating someone, when you’re just friends with someone, or when you’re married. And if you don’t have codependency issues, marriage won’t suddenly bring some up. https://madamenoire.com/1022063/are-you-codependent-in-friendships-and-relationships/ Your partner will bore of you “We grew apart” or “She isn’t the person I once married” or “The spark is gone” are some of the reasons people may give for getting divorced. Naturally, many couples worry that their spouses will one day bore of them. https://madamenoire.com/1040594/life-changes-that-cause-weak-couples-to-divorce/ Every relationship requires work You can bore of any relationship, from a friend to a spouse to an employee. That has nothing to do with marriage: that has to do with emotional laziness and immaturity. That has to do with never growing up, and learning to cherish what you have, rather than toss it out like an old toy the moment it is less-than-exhilarating. Everyone must strive to be grateful for and see the beauty in all their relationships, each day, married or not. Your social life will decline So you don’t want to be that boring old married couple who sits at home on Friday night. You don’t want to scroll through the social media profiles of your single friends, and see all the cool, high profile, VIP events you’re missing out on. Who are you kidding? So, you think you still want to be up in the club when you’re 50? You want to stand in line, in stilettos, and have some bouncer decide whether you’re worthy of the bottle service tables, when you have grandbabies? Come on. What if your partner dies? This would, of course, be tragic. And yes, the somewhat sad truth is that a successful marriage ends in one person just seeing their most beloved companion pass away. You’d almost wish it ended in divorce, right? You can’t avoid pain To not get married because you’re afraid of losing your partner one day is to make a teeny tiny dent in the inevitable part of human existence called pain. Do you also not have friends, for fear they could die? Do you cut off ties with your family, for fear of feeling too attached to them? Human relationships: you’re either in or you’re out. And if you’re in, then marry the person you love for goodness sake. What if someone cheats? If your parents had affairs, or you’ve seen the marriage of good friends fall apart due to affairs, it’s only natural to be terrified of infidelity. There are few experiences more painful that having the person you love betray your trust. Marriage doesn’t increase chances of cheating Cheaters are cheaters. If someone is about that unfaithful life, he will be, even if you’re committed but not married. With the right partner, and the right amount of work, you can stay connected, and avoid the desire to cheat. With the wrong partner and a lack of effort, cheating can happen—wedding or no wedding. I don’t want to share my money Splitting finances is a delicate and complicated topic. Some can worry about getting married, for fear they could lose everything they have in a divorce, or for fear that their spouse would mistreat the finances. Have a prenup, and get on the same page If you create clear guidelines and expectations early about money management, you shouldn’t live with (too much) marital-money-related anxiety. Also, prenups are a beautiful thing.

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For some people it’s a topic that elicits great joy and for others it’s something that provokes bone-shaking fear. I’m talking about marriage. People can have vastly different views on the matter. And, for the record, I’m not just talking about single individuals. Plenty of couples in committed relationships—living together, sharing finances, and even having children—don’t like the idea of marriage. A rental agreement is about the only piece of paper they want binding them together. There are all sorts of reasons people can develop suspicious views on marriage, from how they were raised to what they’ve seen their friends go through. Look: marriage certainly shouldn’t be taken lightly. But sometimes I think the things people worry about surrounding marriage are the wrong things. Here are silly and useless fears about marriage.

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It’s your last sexual partner forever

It’s the reason so many people have “one last fling before the ring” or other escapades on the night of the bachelor/bachelorette party: the fear of having one more sexual partner for the rest of their lives.

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