Realities Of Watching Your Parents Age
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My parents are getting older. Technically, everyone is, but when I talk about getting older I talk about them reaching a phase when they can’t instantly say yes to every adventurous idea I have. Their minds may want to, but their bodies cannot. And, even sometimes, their minds cannot—either because they’re just getting to a point when millennial’s ideas seem crazy, or they’re just a bit foggy. It’s scary. It really is. I won’t sugar coat it and say that it’s never worrisome. There’s also this odd predicament my generation may be in in which, we aren’t, by our mid-thirties or early forties, quite as settled as past generations were at that age. We’re into self-discovery and taking our time with marriages and careers. So, we can see our parents getting older, when we barely yet feel like adults ourselves! Here are the realities of watching your parents age.
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Forgetfulness isn’t rude
If your parent forgets something, your instinct is to get upset because you think they just weren’t listening when you told them the first time. But you have to stop and realize it may just be that their memory is getting worse with age.
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Their health affects activities
I planned a day trip on a boat for my visiting dad and myself recently. When he got here, I was so happy to surprise him, and he had to tell me, “Sweetie, I can’t go on a boat—I have vertigo now.” Oooh. That’s one of those moments we realize our parents fall victim to mortal weakness like everyone else.
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The “When I’m gone” talks get serious
My parents have, since as long as I can remember, given me instructions on what to do when they’re gone. They’ve done it since I was, like, seven (which is a bit dramatic, don’t ya think?) But now I don’t get to laugh when they say this. I don’t get to put off listening to the instructions for another time. I have to pay attention.
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You’re less angry
There are things that I’ve been mad at my parents for for…decades now. I suppose, in my subconscious, I believed we’d get around to sorting those out. But now, when they’re getting old and tired, it just seems rude to be mad anymore. I should let these elderly individuals enjoy a drama-free existence.
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And you’re angry that you’re less angry
Of course, I find myself angry that I can’t be angry. Even though my dad is starting to look like an innocent, frail older man, doesn’t mean that he is no longer the man who…cheated on my mom and…remarried a gold digger who ate up half my inheritance.
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Strangers treat them as seniors
I notice strangers treating my parents as senior citizens. Those are alarming moments because you know that strangers, well, they tell the truth. They have no context or backstory. They see what they see.
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That senior movie ticket moment
There’s that moment when your parent orders a senior movie ticket, because that means a discount. You have to stop yourself from saying, “You aren’t a senior” because you realize, oh, they are.
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They parent you a little less
If they’re becoming elderly, then you’re definitely an adult. They’re tired, and you should have your sh*t together by now, so they just parent you less. Only a little less—they’ll always be your parents.
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Their retirement is hard on them
Retirement arrives and it’s hard on your parents. Retirement doesn’t just mean getting to finally relax and enjoy their hard-earned income. It also signals a final chapter.
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Their retirement is hard on you
Their retirement is hard on you, though you feel bad admitting it. They have a lot of time on their hands to visit you a lot and call you about every little obsessive thought they have.
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You worry about caring for them
You can’t help but worry what will happen when they need full care. You have a job and perhaps even a family. Do you take them in? Do you put them in a home? Is there money for that?
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Your own mortality comes into play
You face your own mortality. Your parents have always been the older generation. When you no longer have them, you’ll be the oldest generation.
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You want to rush having kids
If you don’t have children, maybe you feel that you should—quickly—so your parents can get to know their grandparents. It doesn’t help that they’re pressuring you for their own reasons.
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You want to rush getting married (if you haven’t)
If you aren’t yet married, this is another thing you want to urgently do. You want your parents to enjoy walking you down the aisle.
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You worry they’ll miss your accomplishments
If you aren’t anywhere near your big career goals, you want to make sure your parents see you reach those. You don’t want them worrying about what will happen to you when they’re gone.
