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selfish in bed boyfriend

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“She’s great but she doesn’t give me head” “Ah man, leave her” is a conversation I’ve heard way too many times. If it was not that exact one, it was some version of that conversation. Sometimes, by the way they talk about it, I’d swear some men believed they were being abused by not receiving blowjobs. They tell their friends, all sheepish and sad, “My girlfriend doesn’t go down on me” and all their buddies gather around to console them. Come on! I honestly think there should be a rule that before any straight man complains that his partner doesn’t go down on him, he must suck at least one dick. Just one. I can almost promise he’ll never complain again. Look, if the mood strikes us, sure, sometimes giving oral can be nice. But I can’t stand when men feel they’re entitled to it, and all the ridiculous reasons they give for being entitled to it.


It can put us at risk

Giving oral can put us at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. It isn’t typically performed using a condom so it puts us up close and personal and in direct contact with anything you may have to spread.


Unless you want to use a condom

Unless, of course, you men would like us to put condoms on you when we perform oral. Oh, no? Didn’t think so. But even then you still wouldn’t be entitled to it.


It is a lot of work

It’s called a job for a reason. Have you noticed how going down on a woman isn’t called a job? It’s called fun things like eating out because it doesn’t actually put strain on the jaw and suffocate a person the way blowjobs do.


Intercourse doesn’t guarantee oral

Some men believe that just because a woman is down to have intercourse with them, that should mean that oral is a given. Nope—even then, no. Agreeing to one sexual act doesn’t obligate us to all sexual acts.


We don’t feel entitled to it

Women don’t seem to feel entitled to oral. When we talk about men who go down on us, we praise them. We say they’re great. We think it’s awesome. But if a man doesn’t go down on a woman, we don’t tell her to leave that man (you know—the way men tell their buddies to leave women who don’t go down).


You always enjoy yourself without it

For the record, it’s not like the guy isn’t going to finish without oral. Men pretty much always finish. Women actually often need oral to finish but men? They’ll finish through just about anything.


Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee it

Being in a relationship doesn’t even entitle you to oral (I can hear men gasping everywhere). But no, it does not. Making one promise (like, to be faithful) to a man does not trigger other promises (like performing oral).


It’s very intimate

We are putting your genitalia in our mouths. We are even putting it in our throats sometimes. Do men do that when they eat a woman out? Nope. So they just have no idea how invasive it feels.


If other women want to, then date them

Some men like to pressure their partners who don’t perform oral by saying, “There are plenty of women who are happy to do it.” Wonderful. Go date those women. Oh, they aren’t lined up at your door to perform head? What a shocker.


Some of you don’t clean enough

There’s a lot of bacteria down there and some men just don’t do enough detailing when washing. But again, even if they did—still not entitled to anything.


It’s rarely reciprocated

There seems to be this prevalent idea that women should just give head sometimes and…that’s the only sexual act that occurs. It doesn’t lead to intercourse. It doesn’t lead to the man going down on her. It’s just some task we’re supposed to perform from time to time. Nuh-uh. Not fair.


Your stress is not our problem

“But I’m stressed and head relieves my stress” is one complaint I’ve heard from men. But your stress is not your partner’s problem. Go masturbate.


Even previous oral doesn’t guarantee future oral

Even the fact that a woman has performed oral on you once doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it any time you want. Just like with any sexual act, it’s a case-by-case thing and we have the right to turn it down at any time.


Would you like to suck your penis?

Really though. Would you, gentlemen? Would any straight man out there like to have a penis in his mouth? I’m just saying, really visualize it—imagine the textures and tastes. Just know what you’re asking of us. I’m not saying it’s terrible but just have some awareness.


You’re not entitled to anything physical

Men aren’t actually entitled to so much as a handhold. It doesn’t matter how much money you spent on the dinner or how much time you’ve spent with the woman. Nothing ever entitles a man to anything relating to a woman’s body.

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