Men are lucky in a lot of ways, including the fact that for most of them (unless they have erectile dysfunction or other conditions), having an orgasm is very easy. Not only is it easy, it’s almost impossible for them not to finish. Men spend most of sex postponing their orgasm for their partner’s benefit (well, the ones who aren’t totally selfish, at least). Women, on the other hand, have to try to speed up that big O from the second intercourse begins because they know the clock is ticking until their partner finishes. And orgasming is anything but easy for most of us. A lot of it just has to do with partners who don’t know how to please us, or who don’t try hard enough. But some women—even those with partners who are good in bed—stop themselves from having the big O. Why would a woman do that? Well, maybe if you’re one of them, you know exactly why. Here are reasons some women stop themselves from orgasming.
He isn’t putting in the work
The most surprising instance may be this: some women who do orgasm rather easily stop themselves simply because their partner isn’t putting in the work. These women would orgasm easily in spite of their partner’s lack of effort, but why should he feel so rewarded? Why should he get such a confidence boost after offering no foreplay and then jack hammering? Nope. Some women won’t give such men the satisfaction. They’re bad in bed and shouldn’t think otherwise.
You don’t trust him
If there are any trust issues in your relationship, you may not be able to relax enough during sex to orgasm. You also may not want to experience such a great physical feeling with a person who makes you feel emotionally bad.
You don’t want to get close
If you have emotional intimacy issues then you may stop yourself from orgasming. When a woman orgasms, her body releases hormones that make her feel bonded to the person who gave her that orgasm. If you don’t want to emotionally bond with someone, you may put off the big O.
There are self-love issues at play
It’s sad to say, but some women don’t feel they deserve an orgasm. If they aren’t happy with how their lives are going, think they have a lot of improving to do, or just don’t love themselves enough, they can feel that they haven’t earned an orgasm. But for the record, yes you have. And for another record, do you think men ever ask themselves for one second if they’ve earned an orgasm?
You aren’t comfortable with your sexuality
Some women aren’t comfortable with their sexuality. Perhaps they came from a conservative family or had very uptight parents. They were taught that sexuality is part of our baser instincts and that we should resist it. It’s time to dispel that idea—embracing your sexuality is a part of loving yourself. It’s human.
You’re worried about your O face
Some women are just embarrassed of their O face. What does it look like? Does it look embarrassing? But, honestly, I ask again—do you think men ever fret about such things? And I can promise you your partner thinks your O face is hot because you make it during sex.
You’re worried about your O sounds
Women can worry about their orgasm sounds, too. Are they too loud? Do they sound fake? Do they disturb the neighbors? I can promise you that no O sounds would ever make a man not want to have sex with you again. As for the neighbors? They’re adults (hopefully). They’ll get over it. Or they’ll use earplugs.
You come from a strict religious background
If you come from a strict religious background, you may have had the idea that sex is bad drilled into you from a young age. You could feel guilty for simply having pre-marital sex and you have some misguided delusion that if you at least don’t orgasm, it doesn’t count.
Misogyny’s at work
This could be misogyny at play. It could be centuries of the sexist idea that women are sex objects to be enjoyed by men that’s poisoned your subconscious. You’re a person. You’re experiencing this sex, too. It’s your sex to enjoy, also.
If you’re sleeping with someone who already has a big head—maybe he’s slept with a lot of women and prides himself on the idea that he’s great at sex—you may just want to take him down a notch. (I don’t completely disagree with that sentiment).
Your favorite position isn’t his
So your favorite position—in fact, the only position in which you can orgasm—is one of his least favorite positions. Well boo-freaking-hoo for him. He and you both know damn well he is going to finish either way, so he can stop being selfish.
You become depressed after
Because of the surge of feel-good chemicals and hormones we get during an orgasm, the letdown of said chemicals and hormones can make some women feel depressed. If this happens to you, make sure your partner snuggles you and stays near you for a bit after sex.
You become sleepy after
Some women just don’t want to have a big O because they get sleepy after. Their partner always wants to have day sex so they can’t afford to get sleepy after. Looks like you’ll need to reschedule sex for night and your partner can just deal with it.
You think you’ll run out
You fear you’ll run out of orgasms, like Samantha thought she had in “Sex And The City.” You worry you only have a limited number of orgasms so you’re hoarding them. But, don’t worry, you can have as many as you’d like.
You think orgasms are for intimacy
You may not be in a committed relationship, but you’re having sex with someone. Maybe you feel that orgasms are for emotionally committed, loving relationships. That’s sweet but I can promise you the man you marry will have had orgasms with plenty of women he didn’t love before you came around.