Men, please understand that most women try to give you chances—second, third, fourth, and beyond. If we’ve already invested a lot of time into a relationship, we usually won’t cut bait the very first time you let us down. We’ll communicate our needs. We’ll applaud and praise you for making small efforts to meet those needs. But sometimes, what you give is not enough. Sometimes you don’t know just how thin the ice is on which you walk. We typically want our relationships to work out, which is why, even when we have one foot out the door, we try to drop hints on what you can do to keep us. We want you to succeed, but we can only do so much to get you there. We try to set you up for success, but if you don’t pick up on our signals, we will put both feet out the door. Here are signs she’s about to leave you if you don’t change.
She’s socializing more
She’s become very social recently. She used to try to get out of things, so she could stay home with you. Now she’s at every concert, book signing, restaurant opening, and pub crawl. She’s too busy for you. Why? Because other people make her feel happier and better than you make her feel. So she goes to those people.
She’s working on herself
She’s meal prepping, taking a financial planning class, and volunteering. She’s becoming a better woman so you’d better become a better man if you want to keep her. She’s trying to lead by example.
She’s not reminding you of anything
You forget something important—like her parents’ anniversary party or the special night you had planned. It comes and goes. You ask her, “Why didn’t you remind me?” She says she wanted to see if you’d remember on your own. She used to help you out and remind you of things like that, but you only get that help when you have plenty of good will built up. And now, you don’t.
She’s stopped picking that fight
That one thing you always fight about—she shuts down when it comes up now. She just says, “Just forget it” or “You’re right—let’s drop it.” She doesn’t care enough to fight anymore. Not even about the petty stuff.
Her Internet search tells you so
She’s been looking at apartments online. But you two haven’t discussed moving. At least not together…
Her pop-up ads tell you so
Remember that the Internet customizes pop-up ads to your searches. So if her pop-up ads are for match making services and dating apps, uh oh…
Friends try to help you
Her friends and family have started dropping little hints to you on things you should do to make her happy. They’re trying to send you the signal—she’s leaving you soon, man.
She shuts down at talk of the future
When you talk about something that would be fun for the two of you to do next spring, she brushes it off. She doesn’t know for certain that she’ll still be with you next spring.
She talks about other couples
She tells you a lot of stories about other couples—the thoughtful things they do for each other and the fun things they do together. She’s hoping you realize how not like those couples you are, and do something about it.
She’s pulling away from your friends and family
She used to go shopping with your mom or grab lunch with your sister regularly. She’s pulling away from that now. She’s trying to give them the slow fade so it doesn’t hurt them as much when she dumps you.
She asks leading questions
She asks questions, and the implied answer in her head is clearly no. She asks questions like, “Is this relationship even a priority to you?” and “Do you even want to spend time with me?” and “Do you think this relationship is going well?”
She talks about the past
She reminisces a lot on the past—on the beginning of the relationship, when you were an all-star boyfriend. She’s trying to show you how far you’ve fallen.
She seems preoccupied
She generally seems preoccupied, cold, and a little dead inside. She rarely smiles. She never laughs (around you, at least). She’s like a zombie around the house. She’s hoping you do something to activate her.
Your old tricks aren’t enough
The small things you used to do to make her happy aren’t working anymore. She needs more now. Grabbing her favorite ice cream won’t make up for being an overall poor quality partner.
She’s passive aggressive
She’s started making jokes that hit too close to home and sting a bit. She didn’t used to make jokes like those.