Gettyimages.com/Attractive African American couple hold hands as they walk through a city park. They are looking at one another as they walk.
If you think about it, ghosting has always existed. It’s just that, in the olden days, when someone ghosted you, he just didn’t show up in front the clock tower at the agreed upon time, he stopped calling on you at your home, or he stopped sending you letters. In the past, it really was difficult to determine if you’d actually been ghosted because it was so hard to get ahold of someone in general. Maybe the guy just…had a wheel fall of his carriage or… his letter got lost or… he died… These were once real possibilities! But today, if someone stops communicating with you, there’s just no excuse. There are so many ways to get ahold of someone. It doesn’t matter if the Wifi is down, or a smartphone is stolen. There are still ways. So if someone disappears, you know you’ve been ghosted intentionally. But an impending ghost is harder to spot. Here are signs you’re about to be ghosted.
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Not confirming plans
He won’t confirm plans. He has every trick in the book to not give you a firm answer. He’ll say, “Let me get back to you” or “Invite someone else, just in case.” But he won’t make any promises.
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Discomfort around affection
He seems to flinch a bit when you say sweet things to him or give him affection outside of sexual encounters. He does not reciprocate the sweet things you say or really respond to your touch enthusiastically.
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Response times have diminished
He used to get back to your texts or calls within 30 minutes and now he can take a full day to respond to you. And when he does respond, he doesn’t even mention how long it took him.
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Responses are shorter
His responses were once witty, lengthy, and cute. Now, he just answers the basic question you asked, without adding anything just for fun. He almost talks to you like a colleague.
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He never initiates plans
If you really think about it, you notice that you’ve initiated all recent plans. And, on the times you’ve suggested a plan he couldn’t make, he did not suggest an alternative plan.
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Or he only invites you to group things
If he does invite you to do something, it’s with a group. He may even add, “You can come…if you want to.” But he doesn’t explicitly say he wants you there.
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He’s canceled more than once
His cancellations are beginning to stack up. He’s canceled not just more than once but consecutively meaning you’ve been pushing back a date for weeks now.
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His friends thought you broke up
You run into one of his friends and say, “Hey! Remember me! I’m dating your friend” and he says, “Oooh. I thought you two stopped seeing each other for some reason.”
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He’s suddenly very busy
He didn’t used to be so busy. In fact, when you discussed plans, he made you feel like it was so easy for him to make time for you. Now he lists off all the reasons it will be hard for him to make time for you.
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He has excuses but no solutions
He has plenty of excuses as to why he…doesn’t text as much…doesn’t call as much…doesn’t hang out with you as much…but he doesn’t offer solutions to these problems.
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He’s sharing less
He’s telling you less and less about his life. In fact, he plans activities that don’t let you talk much—like going to concerts or movies.
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He’s ghosted in the past
You know for a fact that he has a habit of ghosting women. So, why would he stop now?
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You came in hot and he recoiled
You came in hot with a really nice gift or gesture, and he clearly recoiled. He wasn’t overjoyed the way you thought he would be—he looked frightened.
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You can’t get upset
You can feel, deep down, that you aren’t allowed to get upset about anything if you want this thing to last. You can sense that picking one little fight will give him the fuel he needs to say, “Well, seems like you’re unhappy so maybe we should stop seeing each other.” Or, well, actually he wouldn’t say that—he’d just ghost.
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You mention it; he changes the subject
When you bring up the fact that he’s seemed distant, he just laughs, or changes the subject. If any of these signs are popping up, then it may be time to end things yourself and get this man out of your life for good—don’t turn back.
