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dating in your mid thirties man and woman both of African descend are outdoors in the city. They are sitting and having coffee together.

Everyone says that dating is hard but, I might have to argue that it is especially hard for women in their mid thirties. Yes, the twenties are tough because nobody really knows who they are or what they want yet, and most of those relationships won’t work out. But, there are those few who thrive, or who just stunt their own growth by marrying the wrong man they settled with at 23. Well, at least they’re married? I don’t know. But enough about them. The forties have their own complications. While people tend to know who they are by then, it’s a different type of relationship—it’s not about the future (babies, a first home together etc.) but something else. At least everyone of that age is typically on the same page about that, though. The mid thirties, however, is this strange in-between time. You’re no longer quite a spring chicken with eyes for being a young bride and mom. You’re also not quite yet a middle-aged woman, ready to dip in the pool of men in their fifties and sixties. Here is why 35 is the hardest age for a woman to date.

marriage and divorce rates

Most are married

Most of your peers are married, so they aren’t an option. That’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of married men looking to stray but that’s not really your thing.

dating in your mid thirties issues, divorce, alimonry

No divorce pool yet

While most of your peers are married, few are divorced yet. So, you don’t have the divorce pool to dip into. You’ll probably need to wait another 10 to 15 years if you’re relying on those options to open up.

dating in your mid thirties and son playing with airplane at the park

The small divorce pool has kids

The small number of divorced men available have children. That comes with a lot of complications, like being a stepmother and being with a man who possibly doesn’t want any more kids.

dating in your mid thirties portrait of a couple concerned over mounting bills/debt.

Dating a divorcee has its own complications

Even if a divorcee doesn’t have children, he still isn’t an uncomplicated, clean slate—far from it. Divorced men may be some of your top contenders but they’re also complicated.

dating in your mid thirties people on the move

Your career is more demanding

In your twenties, you had few responsibilities. Work started at 9 and ended at 5. You didn’t oversee anyone. You didn’t take work home with you. Now, you have a lot of responsibilities, you’re in the prime of your career, and you have less time to date because of it.

dating in your mid thirties of a young businessman using a mobile phone at his desk in a modern office

Their careers are more demanding

Your dating potentials also have demanding jobs now, too. So that’s two very busy schedules, trying to come together to make plans.

dating in your mid thirties, Andalusia, cadiz, Jerez, Portrait of woman drinking white wine.

Fewer single friends to go out with

Because everyone is married that not only means fewer male options, but also fewer single females to go out with. Everyone is busy with their hubbies or kids and nobody wants to hit the town with you.

dating in your mid thirties black man enjoying in a talk with his girlfriend while being in a bar. Flirting.

But you hardly feel like going out

Let’s be honest, though: you don’t really feel like going out and meeting people either. You’re 35. Standing in line at bars, fighting to order one drink, and yelling over loud music is not your thing anymore.

dating in your mid thirties man

The single ones are cynical

There are some men who are just single. Not divorced—just single, plain and simple. But they can be a bit cynical. They are still single for a reason, and that’s a lot of relationships didn’t work out.

millennial families shot of an unrecognizable woman taking a pregnancy test while sitting on the toilet at home

Your fertility is in question

The harsh reality is that men of your age might feel very ready for a family, but because of your age, your fertility is in question. By the time this relationship could turn into marriage, would you still be able to deliver a healthy baby?

dating in your mid thirties Taken In Sharjah, United Arab Emirates

Men feel you’ll want to rush

Then there are the men who don’t want a family anytime soon and presume that because of your age, you do. In other words, they run from you because they think you’ll rush them.

dating in your mid thirties looking at her watch drinking wine

Maybe you do want to rush

As if it isn’t hard enough having men assume you’re in a rush to get married you…maybe…are? You don’t know. Everyone around you is getting married. Ultimately, dating disappointments are three times as disappointing as they were in your twenties because you are aware of the ticking clock.

dating in your mid thirties soccer fans cheering for German team in pub. Evening or night time,

You’re overlooked

Men your age want to date women who are 23. Men in their forties want to date women who are 29. Men in their twenties see you as a novelty—a cougar experience—but not real relationship material.

dating in your mid thirties on a date

The single pool is incestuous

The small single pool that is out there, and an option for you, is so small that it’s becoming incestuous. Everybody is sleeping with everybody. It’s hard to find a man who hasn’t slept with someone you know.

dating in your mid thirties Hour

The dating app desert

Dating apps aren’t for you. There are the ones for twenty-somethings seeking a hookup, and forty to fifty-something’s seeking serious companionship, quickly.

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