Gettyimages.com/Boys and girls flirting in the park
I’ll admit that, when I was a bit younger and I got together with my girlfriends, we mostly talked about our relationships at the time. We could fill up two hours just analyzing every little thing that had happened with our respective partners since the last time we’d seen each other. I don’t like that men think that all we talk about is them but, if they’d peeked in on one of my lunches with friends in my early twenties, well, they would have felt justified in thinking that. Now, fast forward about a decade and, my girls and I barely talk about our love lives. Almost all of my close friends are in a serious relationship, as am I, and we’ll do a quick, “How’s your boyfriend/husband?” check in at the top of the conversation, but then that’s it—it’s onto different topics. I think that’s healthy, for our friendships, and for our relationships. Here is why you should stop analyzing your relationship, with your friends, so much.
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Over-analyzing means something is wrong
First of all, if you are talking about your relationship constantly—analyzing it and picking it apart—then it may be time to face that something is very wrong with it. When you’re in a great relationship, there isn’t that much to say about it.
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Or, you look for problems
The alternative to something being very wrong is that you are just someone who constantly looks for problems.
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You are not your relationships
You are so much more than your relationship, so then why should your relationship be what you mostly talk about with your friends? What about your career? Your emotional journey? Your family? Your volunteer work?
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Your friends could be projecting
It’s hard for people not to project at least a little bit. You can really only take your friends’ advice and opinions partially to heart since, a lot of it is likely a projection of what’s going on in their lives.
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Your friends could have lower standards
Your friends may have lower standards than you, and tell you to just let it go, get over it, don’t make a big deal about it, don’t say anything to your partner about it…In other words, they may tell you to settle, because they’re settling.
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Your friends could have unreasonable standards
Your friends could also be slight divas who have unreasonable standards. They may try to make you up in arms about something that, really, you weren’t that upset about—just because it’s something that would upset them.
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It’s impossible to tell the whole truth
You can’t possibly depict exactly what happened in your relationship, to your friends. Tone and body language play a big role, and are nearly impossible to recreate. And, you just tell your side of the story.
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You should be talking to your partner
If something’s really bothering you about your partner, but you find yourself talking a lot about it to other people, then that means one thing: you’re not talking to your partner about it. And that’s not good.
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Analyze less; enjoy more
If you spend a lot of time analyzing any part of life than you probably aren’t enjoying it much. If you feel happy in your relationship, maybe that’s enough—picking it apart can diminish that joy.
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Men already have big heads
Men already think that when women get together, all we do is talk about them. Let’s not let them be right. They think they’re always right.
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Your friends are very protective
Your friends are protective of you—you have to understand that. So, they might blow little problems you tell them about, out of proportion. They can sound the alarms quickly because they care about you.
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Your friends may be sick of it
Your friends may also just be sick of it. Look around: is everyone analyzing their relationship the whole hangout or, is it just you?
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Not all relationships are created equal
What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for you. You have a distinctly different personality type from your friends, and need different things in a relationship.
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Length of relationship plays a role
Don’t forget that, the length of a relationship plays a big part in what is “normal” or “healthy.” Translation: your friend who is one year in, telling you it’s really bad that you and your boyfriend of six years only have sex once a week now, well, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
