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addicted to drama in relationships woman traveling in subway car.

It’s hard to think of tragedy as something to which a person could be addicted. Surely nobody wants to be around sad events or feel depressed, right? Well, it’s not really about what a person wants but more how their brain is hardwired. It’s common for someone who, perhaps, suffers a tragic event when they are young to develop certain coping or defense mechanisms in their brain that make them forever look for tragedy in life. Tragedy actually makes them feel, oddly, safe. Or at least, it’s familiar. Looking at the positive, good things in life can leave them on edge because that is how they felt right before the tragic event occurred—and they were knocked off their feet. They remain in a tragic place, so as to never be shocked back into one. One can understand how the brain does this, to protect itself, but it’s a rather unfortunate way to go about life. And, it will repel individuals who are positive, happy, and want to avoid devastation. Are you addicted to tragedy and drama?

friends talking about relationships young woman is serious as she holds a pair of eyeglasses and sits on a living room couch with an unrecognizable friend. She is asking her advice on a matter of concern.

You take all conversation to a sad place

You feel that the goal of a conversation is to draw out the tragedy or sadness in topics brought up. You only feel satisfied with a conversation if, by the end of it, people are sharing the things about which they are sad/depressed/angry. You don’t really do conversations that are just for enjoyment. You feel most connected to someone if they cry to you, or you cry to them.

addicted to drama in relationships watching television on her bed depressed

You don’t laugh or seek laughter much

You do not laugh much in a 24-hour period. You don’t like talking to people who make a lot of jokes. You don’t really watch comedies or listen to upbeat music. You do not think of laughter as an ordinary part of life.

addicted to drama in relationships texting dramatic

You make other’s problems seem bigger

If someone tells you a small issue they’re having, you find a way to make it larger. Even if the person tells you it’s actually not a big deal, or they don’t need to talk about it anymore, you insist it is a big deal and they could/should be more upset.

cigarettes a drug smoking

You’re a smoker

Some experts on the subject of quitting smoking believe that there is a correlation between people who smoke and people who are addicted to tragedy. Those addicted to tragedy sometimes pull away from life and larger goals (career, relationships) and, having the goal of quitting smoking is another tool they use to avoid other goals. “I can’t do insert goal here until I’ve quit smoking” is probably a sentence you hear from smokers.

addicted to drama in relationships woman looking out of the window. Los Angeles, America. July 2017

Your viewpoint would be “Life is hard”

If you had to choose between these statements in a quick second: “Life is hard” or “Life is a joy” you would choose the first one.

addicted to drama in relationships with friend sitting on bench

You gravitate towards people grieving

You invest a lot of your social and free time into people who are grieving. If you learn that someone is grieving, you suddenly take much more interest in them than you had before, and want to spend more time with them. You say it’s to comfort them but, it’s possible that their sadness comforts you

addicted to drama in relationships woman

You gravitate towards people struggling

If someone is going through something difficult like…a divorce, a flooded home, or unemployment…you gravitate towards this individual. You want to help and be included in the struggle. You spend more time with them during their struggle than you did when they weren’t struggling.

happiness is happy smiling in sunglasses

You shut down around perky people

If someone who is clearly very happy, perky, and bright comes around, you shut down. You talk less. You share less. You clam up.

addicted to drama in relationships in discussion

You ask leading questions

In conversation, your questions are intended to get someone to confess that they are sad, depressed, angry, or some other negative emotion. Someone may just say something like, “Our landlord is raising our rent a little” and you might ask, “That must make you feel so angry and violated right?” You want to prove that other people feel as dark and sad about life as you do.

gossiping about others gossiping

Most conversations are in hushed tones

If you really think about it, a lot of your conversations are in hushed tones. That is because you often talk about topics of a sensitive, private nature—like someone’s divorce, someone’s illness, someone’s unemployment. Your conversations mostly require whispering.

addicted to drama in relationships woman raising her eyebrow

You’re suspicious of people

You’re very suspicious of people you do not know. If there is a wrong way to take something, you take it that way. You assume life is mostly bad, and you are very cynical, so you assume that people are mostly bad, too.

addicted to drama in relationships

Tired young woman working at the office. Hands on head, eyes closed. As background desk and seat, bike and guitar, shelfs with boxes and folders, and tall windows,

You’re stuck in your career

You’ve been saying for years you were going to…take that class…get back into music…start that online business. But you don’t. You blame your sadness. But, perhaps, do you have your addiction to tragedy to thank for allowing you to stay in your comfort zone? Does your sadness give you an excuse not to take action?

addicted to drama in relationships telling a secret

You may be considered gossipy

Those addicted to tragedy tend to be, well, gossips. They feed on receiving and sharing information about other peoples’ struggles and tragedy.

addicted to drama in relationships woman looking at a laptop worrying

An easy day makes you nervous

In a way, you don’t feel happy with the day until you find a reason to be…unhappy. Well, perhaps happy isn’t a thing you ever really feel but you feel on edge until you discover a reason to be decidedly upset. Then, you are no longer on edge. You are upset, and that is a feeling with which you are more comfortable.

addicted to drama in relationships friends in discussion while hanging out in bar

You need a lot of attention

You don’t do well in large groups. At parties, you shut down. If you aren’t the one talking, you shut down. You really only activate and engage in conversation when you get to tell your story—your story of tragedy.

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