Don’t Let Wealth Change Your Relationship In These Ways

July 23, 2018  |  
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My partner and I met when we were broke—I mean sharing small places with lots of roommates and checking out bank accounts before simply buying movie tickets broke. And honestly, I’m glad that we met at that time because I know that our bond has nothing to do with anything other than us. There weren’t expensive trips or extravagant dinners to create some false sense of excitement and connection. We’ve loved each other and had fun together when we had nothing, and that’s all I need to know. I worry about couples who meet when one or both parties are both already extremely wealthy, and their first few months of dating look more like episodes of some reality show about the most luxurious travel destinations in the world than the story of two humans connecting. They don’t really get a sense for their personal connection—there’s too much glitz covering it up. That being said, hopefully, my partner and I will one day have a lot of money, and when we do, I hope nothing changes between us. Don’t let wealth change your relationship in these ways.

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Ditching your friends

Never stop hanging with the friends you had during the years when you gained your wealth—those are your real friends. They may not be able to afford to go to the new places you like, but it’s better to go to more modest places with the people you know and love than to extravagant places with strangers.

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Developing impossible standards

Don’t lose touch with what makes a good…restaurant/hotel/experience. Don’t begin to require that restaurants have a high end wine selection or bathroom attendants for you to go there. Always remember the way you’ve appreciated dingy spots with incredible, but cheap burritos and endearing family-owned restaurants with admittedly deteriorating chairs.

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Entertaining rather than engaging

Even though you can always go to a show, a concert, a private chef’s table dinner…doesn’t mean that you should. Don’t let all the stuff and luxuries get in the way of you two just speaking and connecting.

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Choosing hotels over friend’s homes

Never stop letting friends host you! Yes, you could afford the five-star hotel in town. But you just don’t get to connect and bond with your friends and family when you do that, the way you do when you stay in their guest room, and have breakfast in their kitchen.

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Going impersonal on gifts

A gift that is thoughtful and personal is always better than one that is extravagant and impersonal. Don’t use money as an excuse to stop putting thought into gifts.

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Dropping chore responsibility

Though you may have help around the house now, like cleaning services and dog walkers, don’t ever completely lose accountability when it comes to caring for your home. You and your partner should still take pride in your home, and never feel “above” cleaning up a mess.

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Over-booking your social calendar

When you have money, you get a lot of invites. These are invites to fundraisers, galas, concerts, weekend getaways, and more. Don’t overbook your social calendar, leaving no time for alone time.

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Losing sight of real problems

Always have the perspective to understand that having a landscaper who chose the wrong type of bonsai tree product for your estate is not a real problem. As such, don’t let it upset you or take up mental real estate as if it’s a real problem. Don’t let it cause fights as if it’s a real problem.

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Not accommodating other’s budgets

Accommodate the budgets of your friends and family who don’t have as much as you do. Even though you may offer to just pay for their airfare or concert tickets, you have to remember that, for their own pride, they want to pay for themselves. So do things they can afford to do, too.

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Letting others take advantage

People will try to take advantage of you and your partner when you have a lot of money. Don’t let that happen. Have each other’s backs. Always discuss things like, giving a family member a big loan or investing in a friend’s business. Don’t feel pressured to do any of these things.

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Using money to solve problems

If you need to resolve an issue, use your words as opposed to…a couples massage, an elite private chef’s tasting, or a vacation. You can’t buy your way out of interpersonal dynamic issues.

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Losing joy in little things

Never lose the ability to appreciate a grilled cheese sandwich, concerts in the community park, beach walks with your dog, and cuddling on the couch on a Sunday. Don’t become so spoiled that you can’t derive joy from small things.

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Spoiling your children

If you have children, be very careful not to spoil them. Even if you have a housekeeper, make your child clean her room, empty the dishwasher, walk the dog, and do other chores. Don’t buy her such expensive gifts that she doesn’t understand the value of money. Spend time with her—don’t pay caretakers to do that.

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Welcoming the flatterers and mooches

It’s easy to get swept away with all the attention and fake friends you get once you have money. They flatter you, want to be around you, call you interesting, laugh at everything you say, and drool over your every word. But they’re just trying to mooch. Keep them at bay. Don’t let your ego let them in.

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Relying on it for joy

Just don’t rely on money for joy. Always focus on your interpersonal connection. Be very grateful for your wealth, but be reliant on it to feel happy. You should always be able to make one another happy with nothing but…one another.

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