Gettyimages.com/Profile of a serious, young African-American man in his 20s standing outdoors in the city. He is wearing casual clothing, a plaid shirt over a t-shirt.
People who suffered abuse—either physical or emotional, and either from family or past romantic partners—can still have successful relationships. But abuse changes someone on a fundamental level. One of my first serious boyfriends was an abuse survivor and, the reality is that, what he had been through actually contributed to some of his greatest personality strengths. In many ways, he had found a way to derive strength from his experiences. He was very sensitive and in-tune with the feelings of others around him, he was very patient, and he was always concerned with making others feel safe and comfortable. Unfortunately, he still had a long way to go in terms of working out the more negative ways his experience had affected him and, ultimately, he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. That being said, if you meet an abuse survivor who has been through substantial therapy and has done most of their healing, you can have a good relationship. There are just things you should know.
Gettyimages.com/A young mixed race African-American and Caucasian man standing in a coffee shop. He is looking at the camera with a serious expression. He is a hipster with a unique hairstyle, beard, eyeglasses, scarf and cardigan.
They’re sensitive about being taken advantage of
Abuse survivors were often abused by someone who at first tested their boundaries. It may have been somebody who asked them to do one small thing they weren’t comfortable with, and that evolved to larger things, until the abuser determined that this was someone they could walk all over. As such, your partner could be extremely sensitive to being taken advantage of or taken for granted.
