Do Your Trust Issues Stem From Within?

March 21, 2018  |  
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If you don’t have trust in a relationship, then you don’t have anything. You can’t really enjoy your time with your partner if you believe, to any degree, that he could betray you, lie to you, or—the ultimate betrayal—cheat on you. Every time he kisses you, you wonder if he’s doing that with anyone else. Any time he checks a text, your blood boils. A good relationship is supposed to provide you a place in which you feel absolutely protective, cared for, guarded, and safe. Within it, you should be able to believe that every interaction and word spoken is honest. It’s one of the few places in life you should be able to count on that. If you do have trust issues, they exist for one of two reasons: 1) The person you are with isn’t trustworthy in which case, leave him—duh! Or 2) You have deep-seated trust issues that will come out, regardless of whether or not your partner is honest. So, do your trust issues come from within or without?

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Have you been cheated on in the past?

If you have been cheated on in the past and didn’t seek therapy after, there is a good chance that your trust issues from that past relationship are influencing your current one and creating an inaccurate lens through which you view your partner’s behaviors. Being cheated on affects us, deeply, and usually causes issues that need to be addressed in counseling.

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Do you struggle with self-esteem?

If you struggle with low self-esteem, it is very likely that your trust issues stem from within. When you do not believe, deep down, that you are worthy of love, then you cannot believe when someone tells you they love you.

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Has this partner cheated on someone else?

If the person you are with has cheated on someone in the past, then there is a good chance your trust issues come from an outside source. Just because this person hasn’t cheated on you, doesn’t mean that the news that they are capable of being unfaithful doesn’t affect you.

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Did one of your parents have an affair?

I know it’s cliché, but clichés exist for a reason: if one or both of your parents had an affair, that likely caused some trust issues in you. If, objectively, nobody believes your partner has done anything to cause you not to trust him, and you come from unfaithful parents, your childhood may be at the root of your mistrust.

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Does your partner withhold information?

Has your partner been vague about certain elements of his life? Has he ever told you that you don’t need to know something, or changed the subject abruptly? Then he could very well be instigating your trust issues. In other words, no, you aren’t paranoid.

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Does your partner become angry at your questions?

Has your partner become irritated at your line of questions, even when you felt your questions were very innocent? Questions like, “What did you do with the guys on your trip?” or “Who were you on the phone with?” People who are being dishonest often turn their guilt into anger, and tell you that you’re being unreasonable when you question them.

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Do you feel like a priority to your partner?

Does your partner make you feel like a priority? If he often puts his social life or work before you, forgets important events in your life, and doesn’t pay you enough attention, he’s bound to create trust issues in you.

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Does your partner celebrate you, as you are?

Do you feel like your partner loves you for who you are? Or, does he try to change you? If your partner attempts to change you, then you’ll begin to believe, subconsciously, that he wants to be with someone else entirely.

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Does your partner confide in you?

Does your partner share his insecurities, fears, dreams, and upsets with you? Or, does he have someone else he goes to to confess those things? He’s bound to make you not trust him if he won’t’ confide in you.

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Have you been distrustful in every relationship?

Have you had trust issues in every relationship or just this one? If you think back and realize you’ve always struggled to trust your partners, it’s possible that your issues stem from within and need to be addressed in counseling. The likelihood that every single person you’ve ever dated didn’t deserve to be trusted is pretty low; it’s more likely that you have pre-existing trust issues.

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Have you cheated on someone?

If you cheat on someone, you’ll struggle for a long time to trust future partners. You probably never thought you of all people would cheat, so once you’ve broken your own trust, you can’t trust anyone else.

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Does your partner give you PDA?

Does your partner celebrate and display your relationship? Does he post photos of you? Kiss you in public? If he seems to hide your relationship from the outside world, then he is bound to make you question him.

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Do his friends and family know much about you?

When you’ve spoken to his friends and family, have they known about you? Have they known a lot about you? Like what you do, where you traveled recently, where you’re from and so on? If so, then your partner probably really loves you and can be trusted. But if you’ve found that those closest to him know little about you, there is cause for concern.

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Did one or both of your parents lie to you?

Even if neither of your parents had an affair, did either of them lie? Perhaps they lied about having spent large sums of money or having done drugs. When the people you’re supposed to trust most in this world lie to you, it’s very hard to trust anyone else.

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Have you acted destructively out of distrust?

When you have suspected dishonesty in a partner, have you behaved destructively? Have you crossed boundaries by doing things like trying to get them fired or exposing their dirty laundry online? This type of reactionary behavior usually only occurs when you have deep-seated trust issues that exist regardless of a dishonest partner.

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