Things Every Couple Should Buy For Their Sanity

March 13, 2018  |  
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Perhaps money cannot buy love, but it can buy things that can keep your love alive. Maybe when you’re in the initial throws of passionate infatuation, you can sleep snuggled up tightly in a loud room with one little pillow. But once that first-years magic wears off, you want space, your own blanket, and a damn noise machine if you’re not going to get in a giant fight every night. Can’t you see how a few purchases could make a world of a difference in keeping your relationship from falling apart? After you’ve been together for years and years, you begin to have the same arguments over and over again. It’s amazing how many couples don’t step back and say, “Huh. If we just bought this thing, that would solve the issue.” Don’t stubbornly try to resolve these fights without your credit card. Why do that to yourselves? Here are things every couple should invest in for their sanity.

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A memory foam mattress

So that your partner doesn’t wake you every single time he kicks in his sleep, adjusts his pillow, or gets up to pee. Because damnit does he do that a lot. And you’re tired of his motions moving the entire bed and waking you up.

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A huge bed

Everybody should have room to spread out like a starfish and still not touch. You can always meet in the middle to snuggle and have sex, but it’s important to be able to go to your separate corners when you need some good R&R.

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A cleaning service

Rather than become so irritated that you want to rip each other’s hair out over the amount of dust in the house, just hire a cleaning service. One monthly deep cleaning won’t cost you much, but not getting it could cost you your relationship.

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In-unit laundry machines

If you can afford it—don’t forget, you can find these on Craigslist and at yard sales—get in-unit laundry machines. That way, nobody has to argue over who has to stay home to take the towels out of the dryer on time so as not to piss off the other neighbors. You can just let those towels wait for hours while the two of you go off and do what you want.

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Two televisions

So one person doesn’t have to begrudgingly watch their show on their little laptop screen while the other gets the television. Or, so that sometimes you can watch a show in bed, and sometimes you can watch a show in the living room with friends.


Great earplugs

For your partner’s snoring, for his sleep talking, for the fact that he slams the toilet lid closed in the middle of the night, for the television he watches long after you’ve gone to bed, for the music he plays in the living room when you’re trying to meditate…

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A dishwasher

You know you argue a little bit, every day, about whose dirty dish that is. If you had the option to just put it in the dishwasher, you wouldn’t fight about it.

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A credit card that earns you miles

A couple times a year, you have to go to a friends’ wedding that is way too far away. And your partner complains about having to spend money on a plane ticket to your friends’ wedding. The reverse happens when it’s his friends’ wedding. So get a credit card that earns you miles—you can use these later on a vacation you both want to take. It will make it all better.

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Don’t run out of snacks. Keep them in every purse. Keep them in the center divider of your car and his car. Keep them bedside. Keep them in your bicycle baskets. You know you two fight when one gets hangry.

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Food labels

You wanted to be that couple who shares everything, but then you just got tired of looking forward to leftover lasagna that was…gone! So accept the way you are, and get some food labels so you can indicate which things are yours, his, and both of yours’.

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Two parking spots

If you only have one parking spot, you’ll both argue every day over who needs it the most. If one of you has to park too far away one evening, you’ll be in a terrible mood and it will ruin date night. So just, for goodness sake, find a place with two parking spots if you have two cars.

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Not tandem parking spots

And don’t get silly tandem spots because these cause just as many fights as if not more than just having one spot does. If your partner forgets to tell you that he has to leave at 7am, and you’re parking him in, and you went to bed at 2am, and he wakes you at 7 to move your car…you’ll be fuming.

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A giant dry erase calendar

You always bicker about the fact that your partner won’t take two seconds to sit down and look at his G calendar when you want to make plans. So screw that cyber calendar. Get a giant dry erase calendar that takes up half your kitchen wall. Your partner will never have another excuse to forget something or double book a day.

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Some password protection software

At this point, you need one another’s passwords for your Netflix, HBO Go, Amazon Prime, PayPal, UPS online account and more. Invest in some protective software so you can save these in one place—to which you both have access—and don’t have to keep writing them down for each other.

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