Things Your New Mom Friend Wants To Tell You
If you don’t have children, and one of your close friends just had her first, you’ve probably started treating her differently. And who could blame you! Overnight (or however long the labor took) her life changed entirely. Her schedule, financial concerns, day-to-day life, and entire mindset changed. You’d be silly to still call her at 10pm on a Friday and ask if she wanted to meet you for late night happy hour. But you also have to be careful not to treat her like a total alien—that’s still your friend, you know? And even though she’s exhausted and distracted, she does notice some of the ways you speak to and behave towards her differently. If she doesn’t have the heart to tell you, we will: here are things your new mom friend wishes she could say to you.
Can’t you just come over?
When you ask your mom friend what she wants to do, she may suggest going to lunch or a movie—for your sake—but she would really just love for you to come over and keep her company. That way, she doesn’t need to leave her baby, and she can get some things done around the house.
I’m already limiting kid talk
If you think she’s talking too much about her baby and being a mom, just know, that’s after she already toned it down. A lot. Having a baby is a big deal! It’s taking up 90 percent of her mental space and it’s hard for her to pretend it’s only taking up 50 percent of it.
Can you not grimace at my kid?
She knows that gets can be loud, smelly, and annoying. But can you try not to make that grimace at her kid when he dirties his diaper near you? For the record, you’re only around this for an hour, but this is her life.
Yes, I want to hear about your life!
Don’t be bashful about talking about your career or dates of funny hookup stories. She doesn’t think it’s dumb. She still enjoys those stories, just like she always did. In fact, it’s nice to get a break from baby talk.
It’s still me
That’s still your friend in there. You don’t need to tip toe around certain subject or behave all proper all of a sudden. Try your best to treat her (mostly) the same. When you don’t, it makes her sad.
I don’t love my mom friends more
She doesn’t love her mom friends more. Please don’t be jealous or resentful of them. If you’ve known her longer, you’re definitely still one of her closest friends. You have a special bond, no matter what.
But I do need my mom friends
But do understand that she needs to be around other women who know what she’s going through. So be supportive of her new mom groups and jamboree classes.
Don’t treat me like I’m fragile
Don’t act like she is fragile. Don’t censor your stories, or act like a little power walk is too much for her. It makes her sad to be treated like she’s ill.
But do know that I’m kind of fragile
But, between us, know that she is fragile right now. So play the tactful dance of keeping activities easy on her (she’s exhausted) without showing her that you know she’s exhausted.
I love calls!
New moms love phone calls! Sometimes they don’t have time to get together, but they’d love a conversation with an adult—something they don’t get much of as a new mommy.
Sorry I’m not in touch with the news
She isn’t selfish or ignorant for being out of touch with world news. She’s tending to a new, tiny life that requires constant attention. It’s hard to keep up with the news like that.
The work subject is sensitive
Let her talk about work—if she’s going back to it, when she’s going back to it, whether she’ll start working half days, whether she’ll get a nanny etc. Whatever is right for her is right.
I don’t think I’m better than you
She doesn’t think she’s superior to you because she made a human and you didn’t. This was just something she wanted to do on her journey. So enough with the self-deprecating comments about how she’s done something greater than you ever will.
Everybody wants me to get a babysitter
You tell her, “Get a babysitter, just for this one night.” But you have to know that everybody wants her to get a babysitter just for their event, and they all think they’re the only ones requesting it.
Stop pretending I don’t look pregnant
She knows how she looks. If you try to tell her that she looks exactly like she did five years ago, then she’ll just question how honest you are about everything else.