Many women have the wish to have a penis, just for one day, so that they can know exactly what it feels like—what feels good, what feels bad, what men like, and what men don’t like. Men say that the penis is a simple, straightforward organ, but it really is not. If it were simple and straightforward, then men wouldn’t have to give us any instruction, or sometimes say, “Ow!” We’re trying our best. But only the owner of the penis knows what amount of pressure, friction, or speed is right. A lot of men also complain that their parents ignore their member entirely, just going straight for intercourse and skipping the foreplay. So some of us may overcompensate by paying it attention in the wrong ways. So, here it is, from the mouths of men: things you should never do to a penis.
Go down there when it’s soft
It’s awkward for everyone. He doesn’t want you interacting with his small, soft, shriveled member. Don’t go down there until he’s hard. Then he’ll be glad to have you down there.