Behavior That Attracts Toxic Partners

January 8, 2018  |  
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Would your friends and family describe your relationships as train wrecks? Do most relationships end with blocking numbers, burning belongings, and even filing restraining orders? Have you just about needed to go into witness protection after each breakup? And felt completely unhinged? No breakup is easy, but if you’ve never known a breakup free of Lifetime-movie-worthy dramatics and perhaps its own Dateline episode, then you probably have a lot of toxic relationships. Here’s the scarier fact: you’re attracting them. Of course, you don’t want toxic relationships, but perhaps your desire for something else—to run from a personal issue, for example—causes you to behave in ways that attracts them. Here is behavior that attracts toxic partners, time and time again.


You like men who criticize you

When a man criticizes you, rather than find him rude or mean, you just find yourself wanting to prove him wrong. That’s typically a symptom of a lack of self-love: when you aren’t kind to yourself, you’re drawn to people who also aren’t kind to you.


You’re drawn to taken men

When you learn that a man is taken, you hone in on him. In fact, if a guy is taken and he is blatantly flirting with you, rather than think, “This guy is a dick” you think, “Maybe I can win him away from his partner.”

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You want to fix men

When you meet a guy who is down on himself—he isn’t happy in his work, he has no self-confidence, he’s perhaps even angry at women because he’s heartbroken—you think, “I can lift this guy up.” But instead, he just drags you down.


You’re cold and standoffish

Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, so you’re cold and stand-offish. But that just frightens off the nice guys, and ushers in the men who also have emotional problems and love a challenge.

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You like to challenge and compete

Speaking of a challenge, you love one. You aren’t one for having a normal, pleasant conversation with a man. You like to challenge him, compete with him, and create a vibe of one-upping each other. You’ll find yourself some aggressive men like that.


You emasculate men

You get a high from emasculating men. And for some reason, you especially like to emasculate the men to whom you’re attracted. To you, relationships are about power and you feel you gain that by putting someone down.


You share all your baggage

You tell a guy all your baggage, right away. You’ll lay it all out on the table—the messy story of your last breakup—for anyone who will listen. The only men who are left will be those who love drama.

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You talk sh*t about everyone in your life

When you talk about the people in your life, you do so with disdain. You only have negative things to say about your family, friends, and coworkers. Toxic men love haters (because they’re haters, and will soon be one of your haters).

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You equate fear with excitement

If a guy frightens you, you somehow get excited. This is probably linked to some experience or trauma from your past, that is worth discussing with a therapist.


You aren’t excited by other areas of your life

You don’t like your job. Your social life is nothing to brag about. You just don’t have much in your life that excites you, so rather than face that fact, you just distract yourself with a toxic, turbulent relationship.

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You never question or analyze your emotions

If you feel angry, you just express that anger (usually in destructive ways). You never stop to ask yourself about the source of your anger, or the validity of it. Failure to self-reflect is a main ingredient of toxic relationships.


You don’t face your insecurities

Refusal to self-reflect is often at the core of attracting toxic relationships. If you do have insecurities you won’t face, then you likely smother them with a toxic relationship. The immense attention (negative and positive) you get from toxic partners can distract you from your personal issues.


You ignite jealousy

You love to make men jealous. You don’t feel that they love or care about you unless they’re jealous. But the only men who will stay in a relationship with someone who purposefully ignites jealousy are toxic ones.

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You move very fast

If you like to move fast in relationships it’s likely because you aren’t happy in your life and, once again, are looking for a distraction. But the only men who tend to consent to moving in together really fast and getting engaged quickly are the toxic ones who are also unhappy with their lives.

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You don’t establish boundaries

Toxic men always push boundaries and when they see a woman who doesn’t push back, they leap.

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