10 Things People [Mostly Men] Say To Rationalize Sexual Harassment

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The fact that my circle is predominately female keeps me from really knowing how men are processing this whole discussion about sexual harassment and assault the nation is currently having. In my world, full of women and a couple of mostly woke men, we can all understand that what is happening and what has been happening is wrong, unequivocally. But as the conversation runs its course, more and more I’m finding there are more than a few men who don’t get it, who feel like their freedoms and powers are being taken away, who believe that folks are overreacting. Here are some of the things I’ve heard and seen over the past few days. And why they make no sense.

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Why did you wait so long?

I heard this one from Cam’Ron and Charlamagne during a recent interview on “The Breakfast Club.” While both men agreed that women needed to come forward and share their stories they felt that it was easy to question someone’s credibility when they waited for years to say something. Men don’t have a clear understanding of the ways in which men consistently try and succeed at intimidating women in this world. I mean, regular every day, ain’t got a pot to piss in men. Now, imagine what type of fear and intimidation a woman might feel if the man who harassed or assaulted her was famous, rich, influential or a combination of the three? It takes as long as it takes. Not to mention for every incident reported, we know that so many will never see the light of day.

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I’ll talk about this in the locker room…

I was getting ready to have this discussion with a couple of men in a room full of both men and women. I was making a point about what our grandmothers and foremothers must have endured that they never talked about. And that’s when a man said, “Well, our grandmothers dressed much more…You know what I’ll save it for the locker room.” I can only imagine that he was going to say that because our grandmothers dressed more modestly, they weren’t subject to this type of treatment. I know that’s a lie. In fact, I’m sure it was much worse. The only difference between this generation and the ones before it is that now there are actual laws prohibiting this behavior and women of this generation are increasingly empowered to step forward and say something. Not to mention, Billy Bush got caught up simply laughing at some locker room chatter and it ended up costing him his job. Now is the time for y’all to listen more than anything else.

Young Stressed man with hand on his forehead showing sadness and despair

I guess compliments are off the table now.

I mean, no compliments are not off the table. But it’s a pitiful shame if men don’t know the difference between a compliment that highlights a woman’s character or abilities versus one that remarks on her physicality. Furthermore, men have got to become more advanced in their conversation when it comes to women. Stop relying on compliments as a way to flatter her or strike up a conversation. Women are more than our outward appearance. There is nothing wrong with compliments but ask yourself do men walk up to other strange men and compliment their clothes or figure? No. The reliance on compliments speaks to the fact that for so many men, women are reduced to objects instead of being seen as fully functioning human beings.

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Why didn’t she give her name?

Uhh because she didn’t want to be exposed to the inevitable ridicule. Maybe she didn’t want to forever be associated with one of the more unpleasant experiences of her life, for the rest of her life.

Uncertain confused young African American male shrugging shoulders and gesturing in uncertainty while failing to explain himself. Clueless dazed dark-skinned man having unsure doubtful look

Why punish these men now when this has been going on forever?

Sadly, the mistreatment of women is ancient, almost as old as mankind. Still, just because something has always been done doesn’t mean it should continue to be that way, that folks should not be held accountable for their actions. Not to mention, there are actual sexual harassment laws on the books that make the very behavior we’re discussing, illegal.

Sad woman lying on the couch at night

You’re ruining his life!

And what about her life? Furthermore, Donald Trump has 19 different cases of sexual assault against him now and he’s President of the United States. For many of these men, their reputations might be tarnished, they might lose some money but they’ll be all right. Sadly, we don’t know if that will be the case for the woman who endured some type of inappropriate or traumatic experience.

https://twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/938082894089785348

He’s a great guy

There’s a screenshot of a comment from Eva Marcille that seems to allege that the claims lodged against Russell Simmons, from various women are not true because Marcille knows Russell and he’s a “great guy.” Again, it’s a screenshot of a comment. I can’t confirm it. I do know Lindsay Lohan said that same thing when all the Harvey Weinstein allegations hit the fan. Point is, just because a man has never attempted to be disrespectful toward or violate you doesn’t mean he’s never done it to anyone else.

We can’t date women at work?

Yeah, even that option is still on the table. But there’s a way to do it, to first even see if she has any interest in you at all. Amanda Seales provided a great example of how to approach someone in a professional setting and still let them know that you’re interested in them romantically.

attends the premiere of “The LEGO Ninjago Movie” at Regency Village Theatre on September 16, 2017 in Westwood, California.

You’re going to ruin your career

I believe Wendy Williams said this when Terry Crews came forward and spoke about the ways in which he was violated by Hollywood executive, Adam Venit. She felt that others in Hollywood would interpret Terry’s admission as him being difficult to work with. Wendy has consistently shown that she has some very antiquated ideals when it comes to these kinds of topics. I get it, money and career are important. But sometimes, you have to sacrifice a coin in order to make a significant change for future generations. Funny how people are able to see and commend Colin Kaepernick for doing this for the Black community. But when it comes to an issue specific to women, all of a sudden crickets.