Here are signs your love languages just don’t vibe.
Signs Your Love Languages Just Don’t Vibe
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Before we get into this, let’s just get a refresher on what the five love languages are. You have: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Do you and your partner have to speak the same love languages to be happy together? Not necessarily. Often, so long as you understand your partner’s love language and learn to identify when he’s speaking it, you can be happy and feel loved. It’s not unlike learning the actual language of someone from a foreign country. Once you get over the language barrier, you can really tell one another how you feel. But sometimes, if you’re not really fluent in your partner’s love language, and it’s the only one he speaks, you can wind up pretty miserable. If the reverse is true, your partner can be miserable. Here are signs your love languages just don’t vibe.
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Your partner seems oblivious
You often really feel that your partner is totally oblivious. It sometimes feels like you’re on two different planets, and he couldn’t possibly guess what you’re feeling right now if you asked him to.
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You often feel resentful
You often feel resentful of your partner. This happens when you think he didn’t recognize that you spoke your love language or when you feel that he hasn’t spoken his in a while.
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You don’t want to do nice things for him anymore
Maybe for you, acts of service are your love language. If your partner just doesn’t realize that or respond to it with the attention you think it deserves, you’ll find yourself not wanting to do him any favors.
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You’ve started withholding physical affection
If your love language is physical touch, you may find yourself actively holding back your hugs and kisses, and waiting to see if he initiates anything. Nothing makes you angrier than trying to give him a kiss and seeing that he’s distracted.
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You resent the time he spends with friends
If your love language is time spent together, and your partner doesn’t get that, you’ll start to feel resentful of everything else he does with his time. You’ll find yourself looking for bad qualities in the friends he hangs out with and finding flaws in his career.
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You feel your gift didn’t receive enough attention
If your language of love is gift giving, then when you give your partner a gift, you want more than a, “Ah thank you! This is so sweet!” or “Cool! I’ll use this a lot!” You want a little speech about what a good partner you are.
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You have to fish for compliments
If you feel that you need to fish for compliments, then your love language is probably words of affirmation. But you hate asking for those words, so even when you fish for them and get them, you don’t enjoy them.
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You always initiate cuddles and are over it
You keep track of who initiates cuddling and it’s always you. Always. You’re protesting now. You’re going on strike. You get into bed at night and don’t even touch your partner, just to see how long he can go without noticing.
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Your partner washed your car and now he’s angry
If your partner’s love language is acts of service, you’d better give him a speech about what a wonderful partner he is next time he washes your car or does a load of laundry for you. A simple, “Thanks! That’s a huge help!” will leave him angry.
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You’re nervous about traveling together
If you find yourself worried about traveling together and anticipating disappointment, there is a good chance your love language is quality time together. But it isn’t your partner’s, and you have a hunch he’s going to wander off on his own on this trip.
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He’s insulted when you suggest delivery
When your partner is home with the cold, you suggest ordering soup to be delivered and he looks noticeably upset. If his love language is acts of service, he’ll be pretty disappointed that you’d let someone else do an act of service that you could do.
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You missed an unimportant event and he’s upset
Maybe your partner had a second cousin’s birthday to go to or the going away party of a colleague and you didn’t attend. Your partner came home noticeably short with you. If his love language is time together, then he will be upset even when you miss out on seemingly insignificant events.
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Your partner gives you compliments and asks “What about me?”
Does your partner often tell you something great about you and finish it with, “Do you think the same about me?” or “I hope you feel the same way about me?” Then his love language is likely words of affirmation and you’re blowing it.
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When he’s tired and stays in, and you go out, he’s upset
If your partner is tired one night and wants to stay in, but you want to go out, you go out—you think that way, everybody wins. But he’s clearly upset. Quality time is probably his love language and he feels you’d forego it for cocktails.
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You hate when he outsources help
You get really upset when your partner suggests you call someone to fix your closet or walk the dog. That’s probably because acts of service are important to you, and you can’t believe your partner isn’t taking the opportunity to perform one.
