Things To Think About Before Saying Yes To Being A Bridesmaid

November 10, 2017  |  
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When you’re asked to be a bridesmaid, the moment can be so emotionally overwhelming, that you immediately say yes. There seems to be an unspoken understanding that you’re supposed to say yes, but should there be? If that were the case, why does the bride ask at all? Why doesn’t she just send you a summons in the mail, mandating you be a bridesmaid? The reality is that since you are asked, you are allowed to say yes or no. Don’t get so swept up in the honor of being asked that you don’t stop to consider what you’re saying yes to. Being a bridesmaid is much more than just standing in a row next to the other bridesmaids, hung over from the bachelorette party the night before. It’s so, so much more. And it can be amazing! But it is okay to say no, if that’s what’s right for you. So, here’s what you should know before agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

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You’ll be in the photos forever

Make sure you feel very close to the bride—so close that you believe you’ll be friends for a lifetime. That’s how long you’ll be in the wedding photos, after all—a lifetime. If you feel, deep down, that this friendship is fleeting, or at least won’t last forever, you owe the bride the favor of turning the role of bridesmaid down.


You’ll have to work with women you don’t know

You’ll have to collaborate with the other bridesmaids on…everything. If they’re incompetent or unorganized, you’ll have to become the boss and do everything. On the flip side, there may be a queen B in the mix who bosses you around. Make sure you have an easy, breezy enough attitude to handle this.

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It’ll cost you between $400 and $1,000

A budget bridesmaid still spends $400 easily. Should the bride want to do something extra special for her bachelorette or go designer on the dresses, you could be facing a grand for this entire thing. It’s no small cost.


You may have to attend fittings

The bride may ask you to attend fittings, of which there are many, and they won’t be at convenient times. The seamstress works the same hours as you do—9 to 5, Monday to Friday—which means you may have to spend your lunch break sitting around for dress fittings.

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You’ll need to take the midnight phone calls

“I was sleeping” or “We were having dinner” is not a good excuse to ignore the panicked calls of a bride to be. You may have to dedicate 30 to 60 minutes a week to just talking the bride down from meltdowns over the phone.

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You need to plan the bachelorette

You’ll have to plan the bachelorette party. It’s important that you know a bride very well if you’re going to do this. You don’t want her feeling that you went overboard or did something inappropriate. Nor do you want her feeling bored or let down, depending on how wild she is.

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You need to plan the shower

You’ll also need to plan the bridal shower, which is quite a task in and of itself. You either need to have it catered or find some affordable food option. All of the bridesmaids will be dealing with different incomes and there may be a lot of dispute over how much to spend on this.


You have to go, wherever it is

Has the bride told you where she plans on having this wedding? As a bridesmaid, you’ll naturally have to attend the wedding, wherever it is. If you say yes before she chooses a venue, and then she chooses somewhere across the globe, you just said yes to a $1,200 trip.

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You’ll require professional hair and makeup

You won’t get to phone it in with your hair and makeup the way you would if you were a mere guest. The bride will make an appointment for all the bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup done, and your attendance will be mandatory (but it will not be paid for).


You’ll face a lot of early mornings

On the day of the wedding, you’ll have to be up when the bride is for her hair and makeup—which is quite early. But that’s a part of being a bridesmaid; you have to be there from morning til night for emotional support, or any other type of help the bride may need.


You have to care about things you normally wouldn’t

You have to find it in yourself to be truly sad when the bride’s preferred florist falls through or when the exact beading she wants for her dress isn’t available even if those aren’t really things that matter to you. If it matters to the bride, it must matter to you.

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You must deflect overbearing relatives

On the day of the wedding, you’ll have to deflect overbearing relatives, nosy guests, and anyone who is trying to sneak into the bride’s getting ready room before she walks down the aisle.


You have to stay calm when the bride isn’t

You have to stay calm when the bride is losing her sh*t. When something goes very bad during the wedding planning, you have to tell her it will be okay (and then secretly go find some way to make it okay).


You don’t get to totally enjoy the wedding

You’ll be kept pretty busy the day of the wedding handling odds and ends and doing various favors for the wedding planner. You’ll also have to stop what you’re doing to take photos a lot. You don’t get to kick back and enjoy the open bar as a normal guest would.


You could make other women jealous

There may be some other women who feel more entitled to the role of bridesmaid like childhood friends or cousins. If you agree to be a bridesmaid, you might experience some negative behavior from these women.

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