Dear Single Sistas,

I’m writing this letter to my Single Sistas who are searching for soul mates, in search of marriage, and those who are settling for a common law commitment.  I’m writing to all of my Single Sistas searching for someone to settle down with to encourage you to cease your search for a man/husband because as a single woman it is not your job to seek and search for a mate, but it is your job to be sought. Now I know many of you may be thinking, why is it not my job to search for my husband…doesn’t the saying go, “Seek and you will find…”? Yes that is what this saying says, but it is also said that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing, and what that means is 1. It is a man’s job to search for a life mate, 2. When a man does find his wife it is a good thing for his life. So Sistas, there is no need to stress out about finding a husband because your husband is in search of you…but are you a woman who is ready to be found by your husband, or by a boyfriend?

Single Sistas who are searching , I urge and encourage you to cease your search for your soul mate, and search within to see if you are marriage material, and deeply ponder and examine your motives for marriage. I urge you to look within the book of life to see what it means to be an unmarried woman serving her purpose first, and then search for what it means to be a wife.

So many times we get caught up in wanting companionship…you know, someone to come home to, someone to cuddle up with, someone to talk to and share with, someone to build with, someone to go to couples retreats with, so forth and so on and all of these feelings are normal and natural. But I urge and encourage you to see if you have the characteristics of a wife as an individual first before you say you want to be married, because the reality of it is, is that most women simply want a wedding, and don’t completely understand the commitment, selflessness, and sacrificial love of being married.

Before I begin this post, I need to dispel a few rumors. For one, there is no black women marriage crisis. That is a myth, mostly broadcast by news outlets looking to gain easy views, reads, and rehashed blog topics. However, black women do marry later – 75% will marry by age 35. Secondly, there is no interracial marriage crisis. According to two doctorates from Howard and Morehouse University, “Six percent of married black men who are high school dropouts have a white wife and 92% have black wives.  Among black men with college degrees, 10% have a white wife and 85% have black wives.” When eight of 10 black men will marry a black women, it doesn’t seem like much of an epidemic. Lastly, no list is all-inclusive.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. Click through for the seven reasons why black men marry later.

Hola chicas! Dr. Phoenyx here again! And today’s discussion is about “getting that ring”- or more specifically, “are you ever going to get that ring?” Now I’m not knocking women that want to do the “Oprah thing,” but I know there are many of you that do desire the bliss of matrimony. And if marital bliss with your boo is the ultimate goal, then you need to start being realistic about where your relationship is truly headed- if anywhere at all.

I’m a die-hard romantic, but I’m also a realist. I’ve seen many cases of women who truly desire marriage, and do everything to satisfy their men, only to ultimately fall into the “wifey” trap. Now “wifey” may sound all cute and reassuring, but it’s bogus terminology invented by men that want to “claim” women without really claiming them. “Wifey” is just a glorified “girlfriend.” And it’s definitely not a “fiancé” or “wife.” You know, the chick that actually has a ring on her finger?

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Y’all have one of those friends. She’s the one always missing planned girls night outs to spend time with her man or waits by the phone (for days) anticipating his call. If you don’t have this friend, you may be her. And in some small way we’ve all been there. So blindly infatuated that we don’t see the bold truth: He’s not into you!

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