All Articles Tagged "rude"
Every jet setter knows that when you’re traveling abroad, it’s time to mind your P’s and Q’s, because what might be acceptable on this side of the pond doesn’t always fly in other countries. For example, giving a friend the thumbs up means “great job” in Manhattan, but in other places, it’s as bad as flipping the bird. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If you want to be the life of the dinner party whether you’re eating paella in Spain, or bibimbap in South Korea, it pays to know the rules. Otherwise, you could suddenly find yourself embarrassed with no idea where and when you stepped over the line. It pays to do a little Googling before you travel abroad. But in the meantime, brush up on some travel etiquette here just to be on the safe — and polite — side the next time you decide to go on a fantastic voyage.
Random Kendra Anecdote: In high school I had a continuous flirtation with this guy since our freshman year. It was pretty harmless, but it was definitely something to look forward to whenever we had a class together. Our senior year he approached me on a Monday after I had a massive shopping spree that weekend and said: “Is that a new outfit? You look really nice in it.” I was beaming, but for some reason instead of saying thank you, I said: “It cost [this much].” His smile slowly faded and he gave me the side eye and was like: “Oookay…” Feeling his uneasiness I proceeded to name each and every new item that I had one and tell him the monetary value of it while internally I was yelling at myself “Shut up! Stop talking! For the love of God, go sit down somewhere!!”
Honestly, I STILL, to this day, do not understand why I did it, but I do know that that was the end of our harmless flirting.
I said all that to say this: We live in a day and age where you’re supposed to be vocal about your accomplishments, however, there are a few things that if you seem to want to broadcast about yourself is going to turn people off. So, learn from my poor example and let’s examine these things.
So you think you’re a very well-mannered person? Well, I hate to break it to you, but if you ever do any of these things on this list, you may not be as well-mannered as you think. In fact, you might actually be rude sometimes. Have a look and see if you’re guilty of any of these common habits that people sometimes do without realizing it’s rude.
One of the most annoying things about people eating is when they chew like they haven’t eaten in months. It’s both annoying to hear and distracting to look at. Relax loud chewers; the food isn’t going anymore, so no need to chomp it down like it’s trying to run away from your face.
When I first learned that I was going to be in New York the summer after my college graduation, I told myself that I wasn’t going to be a “Mary Tyler Moore” or a “Carrie Bradshaw.” I was not one of those small-town girls who made it out of the country, only to be seduced by the big city. I’d been to New York before…it didn’t impress me all that much.
Well, turns out visiting New York, experiencing the city in between conferences and plush hotel rooms is completely different from working in the city and living in Brooklyn. First I fell in love with Brooklyn and then I noticed that Manhattan, where I worked, had an energy that literally and figuratively propelled me to succeed. By the second month, of my three month internship, I was making plans to have a New York address before the year was out. Moving to New York, meant I would need to open a bank account somewhere in the city. Being that there was a Chase on every corner, that was the obvious choice. So one day, after work I walked a block or so to the nearest Chase to open up an account.
As a black woman, you always notice the other black people in the room. This person, I honestly can’t even remember his name at this point, was working at one of the desks. When he saw my “I need assistance” look, he jumped up to help me. I told him I needed to open up an account. We headed back to his desk where he set me up. In between the paperwork and the questions, there was small talk. What do you do for a living? I told him, so he knew my office was literally a block from his own. What do you do for fun? He told me that he was into racing cars. And that’s what he did on the weekend. He told me he knew Nicole Scherzinger’s boyfriend Lewis Hamilton. At the time I was looking for a story about black people to pitch to a black publication and this seemed ideal.I mentioned that I would like to speak to he and Hamilton if possible. So when he suggested he and I grab lunch next week, I just knew it was because he wanted to talk to me about the racing. I wasn’t really opposed to going on a date with him, but he was too short and not attractive enough for it to be my first thought. Aside from the fact that he tried to tell me that the login I’d chosen for my bank account, should have been different, I didn’t get any seriously bad vibes from him, so I figured going out to lunch, wouldn’t be too bad. Still the day of the date, I gave my mom the address of the Chipotle we were going to just in case she needed to provide the authorities with the address of the last place I’d been seen alive.
He took me to the Chipotle, where his uncle, who worked there, hooked us up.
As soon as I sat down, he says, “Well, what do you want to talk about?” Hmm…nice way to break the ice there pal. I thought it was weird but I just assumed he meant, what questions did I have about racing. I turned away to get my notepad out. Yes, I’d prepared questions. He must have been looking at me funny or something because in the midst of my search, I asked him, “You mean about racing right?”
“No, about anything.”
That’s when it hit me, he thought this was a date. I was immediately disgusted. At him for bamboozling me and at myself for falling for it. But I was already there, so I just needed to make the best of the situation.
Unfortunately, it was easier thought than done. Before our date ended, homeboy told me that he didn’t really get down with his family members and he didn’t believe in God. Now, I’d like to think I’m tolerate of religious beliefs and what not; but as someone who’s super close to their family and someone whose relationship with God is vitally important, I would never fool myself into believing that I could date someone who didn’t share my faith, or at least believe in a higher power. I had pretty much checked out. It was all just too much: the bamboozlement, the lack of faith and the struggle to converse were the three strikes I needed to be done. Thank God I had to get back to work.
I told him we had better be going. As he was walking back to my job, we saw some man, who looked the part of a stereotypical gay man. He was impeccably dressed, with vibrant colors, a man bag and a fresh fade. He looked good. My date didn’t seem to agree though. As soon as the man crossed his line of vision, he started clowning him. “Look at this dude. Walking around looking like a nerd!” I was silent. What was this high school? I told him I liked the brotha’s ensemble. That’s when my date said one of the saddest, most pathetic things I’d ever heard. “Well, you know sometimes you have to talk about people first before they can get a chance to talk about you.”
I scoffed, before I dropped just a little bit of knowledge on him, “I’m sure people aren’t looking at you as much as you think they are.”
It was at this point that I knew that this was the last time I would see dude. He was tragically insecure. Probably one of those kids who was a bully to his peers in high school. I was officially disgusted.
I thought that was the last time I’d see him; but lo and behold as I was walking down the stairs into the subway station, who do I see but my date. I tried to make myself small and take another staircase; but before I could turn and walk the other way, he’d spotted me.
I walked down the stairs slowly. He was with one of his coworkers so I didn’t have to be too accommodating. Thankfully, my date wasn’t going too far on the train and I could get by with fake, close lipped smiles and “umm hmms.” Before he jumped off he said, “Veronica, have you ever been to Coney Island?” I hadn’t and, instead of lying, I told the truth.
“I should take you sometime.”
I just said “Hmm…”
With all the reality television being served to us on platter, it’s no wonder that talk of bullies has become more and more common in the circles of adult women. They’re no longer just lurking on schoolyards, folks. Some bullies don’t grow up (mentality wise, but they do age), and in fact, you can find them not only on TV (hey Tami), but at your job, or even in your circle of friends (*gasp*). They might pick on you a little, or they might make it their mission to spend their every waking moment talking to you crazy and treating you like something they scraped off of their shoe. These individuals could even be you. If you were wondering what are a few things that make someone an adult bully, we’ve got a few examples for you.
- You’re irrational as hell: A bully truly wouldn’t be a bully if they didn’t run around making the least amount of sense possible. They might tell you, “Don’t talk about me behind my back!” but will run around and talk about you to someone else like you are dirt in the road. The concept of “treat people how you want to be treated” doesn’t apply to them because that’s no fun. They would rather make your workday or your life a living hell by acting as though whatever small thing you may have done (but real talk, you probably didn’t do anything at all…) warrants them trashing your name to anyone who will listen.
- Confrontation is your best friend: There’s no reasoning with a grown up bully. You can’t have a real conversation with this person without them yelling at the top of their lungs, pointing their finger in your face or acting like a fight will ensue. The reality of the situation though, is that in most cases, the bully’s bark is bigger than their bite. They just want to jump in your face and think you’ll go cowering in a corner so they can have a reason to treat you badly and “keep you in line.” Intimidation is what a bully thrives off of, so instead of talking to you about what their beef is, they’d rather exchange your name for the b-word and make everyone think they’re tough.
- Your victims are always people who won’t fight back: Remember how I just said, “Intimidation is what a bully thrives off of”? Well, it’s true. As long as they feel that you fear them, they will continue to come at your head when they really need to be putting themselves in check. However, the minute you step up to them and let them know there’s just so much you’re going to take from them (or lay hands on them–but I really don’t recommend that), then they leave you be. You have to stand up for yourself and let folks know they aren’t as big and bad as they would like to be to get them to back down.
- You’re MAD insecure (and sensitive): It really doesn’t take much to set a bully off. Leave them out of a conversation, don’t invite them to a party (because they’re crazy), or spend a lot of time with their friends and they’re ready to lash out. Bullies like to be the center of attention or be in the midst of everyone’s business. When they’re not, that’s when they start to get moody. They think everyone’s talking about them (even when no one is worried about them), and when they want what you have (a man, the materialistic goods you tote around, etc.), they tend to diss you for it. As tough as a bully tries to act, sometimes they have deep-seeded issues and emotional problems that cause them to act out. But that doesn’t make their poor treatment of others right, of course.
- You try to embarrass people in public: Whether this is the co-worker who tries to blast you about your work ethic in front of others, the boss who tries to yell at you in meetings in front of everyone, or the person who critiques your outfit in front of all of your friends, bullies like to make you into a spectacle. It’s already annoying that they do it in general, but there’s something very uncool about trying to play people in front of other people. It could be that they’re trying to make other people think less of you, or in reverse, maybe they think belittling someone for their own entertainment will make them look big and bad. Whatever their reasoning, it’s dead wrong. Karma is a bad Mamma Jamma, so if this bully is you, cut it out and grow up.
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By Desire Thompson
Like the late Christopher Wallace once said: “More money, more problems.” However, he never said that with more money, your head has to get bigger and egos will spin out of control. Everyone’s favorite celeb psychiatrist, Dr. Drew Pinsky, studied over 200 celebs in 2006 using the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, which studies narcissistic tendencies. The study rates people on a 1 to 40 scale, with 40 being “extremely narcissistic.” On average, celebs scored a not-so-surprising 17.84, which is higher than the general public. While all of this may be obvious news to some, it isn’t to all. Celebs want to keep their names out there, so just know that with every Twit pic, status post and club appearance they do it isn’t for the fans…it’s for themselves. Take a look at some celebs that have let their egos get bigger than their paychecks.
The R&B singer/songwriter hit the scene in 2008 with her song “Energy,” and eventually received a great deal of mainstream appeal with her hit, “Turnin Me On.” While she was finally beginning to be known for her own music rather than the songs she penned for Ciara, Beyonce and other R&B divas, she decided to take jabs at all of those individuals in 2009 on the remix for “Turnin Me On.” Lines included things like, “Go head tell these folks how long I been writing your songs… I been putting you on… check the credits hoe!” When confronted about her comments she simply reversed all of her words, but continued to talk smack about other singers (who can forget when she refused to pose with a magazine that Bey was on the cover of?). But hey, as long as you don’t hate her cause she’s beautiful…