Often times, it can be hard for us women to tell if we’re dealing with someone who’s fully grown or someone who has a lot more growing up to do, especially if we grew up without a father or any other male figure to show us the ropes and teach us the difference between a little boy and a real man. Even women who are experienced daters sometimes find themselves battling it out with a guy who started off as their dream guy and wound up being an overgrown child. Well, question no more because these nine signs tell you everything you need to know about whether you’re dealing with a scrub versus a stand-up guy, or better yet, a man versus a boy.

This list is to clarify that when a woman says (as so many do on Twitter, Facebook, and comment sections of this website) that she wants a “Real Man” she does not mean a beer guzzling, football watching, gym-obsessed brute that will start fights over her. She means someone who is mature, will treat her like a queen, is ready to be treated like a king and not take it for granted, and most importantly, who respects the sanctity of a relationship. And here’s a few signs that you’ve found a real man:

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Calls when he says he will

A real man understands that you have a life and schedule of your own, and that you are not just some toy he can pick up when the mood strikes him. He understands that you deserve the respect of having him make plans, and following through with those plans. So, when he says he’s going to call you at a certain time, he does. Because he understands that if he calls 30 minutes late, you could have moved on with your day. As you should have!

Ladies, let me ask you all a question: What makes a man a man? Because of several factors, namely a lack of father figures, it seems as if we have scores of young ladies and even grown women who really don’t know the answer to this question. I was writing in one of my favorite cafes when a young woman got my attention after complimenting me on my kinky twists. We bonded on a mutual love of Whitney Houston (pre “crack is whack” Whitney), and chatted about one of my favorite topics- dating and gender roles. And while I could tell that this young woman was quite the catch- beautiful, educated, with a great job- I was saddened to hear how completely clueless she was about men. She admitted to doing things like chasing down men to set up dates. She even admitted to paying on dates because she didn’t want to be accused of being “selfish” or a “gold-digger.” And despite all her “efforts” she constantly found herself dating losers and was quickly becoming disillusioned with men in general. That’s when I offered some advice.

I told this woman that she was making one major mistake when dating:  She was not letting men be men. What do I mean by that? Well, my father taught me that real men pay for dates, real men open doors, real men call to set up dates, real men offer to pick you up for a date, and real men call to see if you got home safely– essentially real men behave like men. My father taught me that if a man I encountered had a problem with any of the following things I’ve listed, then he’s not a man. And because of my father’s advice, I’m always a bit perplexed when I encounter women that try, for whatever reason, to flip the script and assume the role of a man. I know that we women are out here doing our thing- and we should be proud. But one thing we should not try to be is men. There was a perfect design set in place for men and women. So don’t ruin things for yourself and your relationship by trying to flip the script. Women should be women. And we should let our men be men.

The other night my husband, who will be a groomsman in a wedding this summer, told me that wives and girlfriends are invited to the bachelor party. I don’t really get the point of all that. Why call it a bachelor party?

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I’m going to say something: I’m really over the whole “My man is my best friend” thing. I bring this up because I was vexed on Saturday when I went in to get my nails did and had to wait around for some whipped husband who was hogging up the pedicure chair next to his wife getting — I kid you not — a French pedicure.  

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