All Articles Tagged "past"
In Finding the Right Path for You I wrote about my first time learning how to ride a bike. I had a bad habit of looking behind myself to see if my father was still holding on to the back. My habit was so bad that my aunt told me that Medusa was behind me (I was really big in Greek Mythology at the time… which is still going on now…) and if I were to look behind me I would turn into stone. However, that made me want to look back even more. Finally, I’m riding, my father let’s go, the wind is blowing through my hair, and for some reason, I look behind myself. Before I could comprehend the cries of: ”LOOK OUT!” I run right into my father’s car.
Now, that would have been fine if I learned my lesson and that was the last time that it happened, but it wasn’t. By looking behind me while riding my bike with my sisters and friends I have successfully crashed into glass doors, people’s pets, and other people. But, the crash that made me finally decide to start looking forward was when I was riding my bike with my two older sisters, and I was in front. Afraid that I was being left out of the loop I looked behind, and before I knew it I was catapulted from my bike. After landing and skidding for what seemed like twenty minutes (though it was only like… five seconds), I got up to find that someone parked their car at the base of someone’s driveway, so their car’s butt was sticking out and that’s what I hit. I had large scrapes over my body that were filled up with dirt, rocks, and other street nitty gritty, my clothes were torn, and I had an inability to ride my bike. Even though I couldn’t ride, I hightailed it out of there before the owner of the car could see the large dent I caused. (I limped away from the scene of the crime like I was on the Olympic limping team. I definitely would have won the gold that day!)
Now, you might not be a bike rider, but anytime that you spend too much time looking behind yourself while you’re trying to move forward, you risk the danger of hurting yourself or someone else. Your past is there as a learning tool to help shape your future. But when you spend too much time looking back, that’s when you put yourself in “danger” by repeating the same mistakes over or by keeping yourself immobilized by not progressing. I realized that every time I looked behind myself was the moment that I would hurt myself.
After a while I realized that my fear was that I was going to be left behind, or left out of something fun. But that crash is what led me to being left out and being left behind. I had to wait until I fully healed before heading back out on my bike, while my sisters were cruising on their ten speeds.
The same principle is true now. If you spend too much time obsessing over your past, you’re going to miss out on opportunities that are happening right now. Too busy thinking about that ex who cheated on you three years ago? What about that cute tenderoni who’s showing you interest now, or did you not notice? Are you stressing about that old frenemey who did you bogus? What about the person who’s showing you unconditional love and friendship now? Still talking about that crazy boss you had? Can you still talk about that old boss while putting in job applications, please?
I’m not saying to ignore your past, but instead of obsessing over it, learn from it. Take a glance, not a step back, because honestly, there are things you can crash into everywhere!
Kendra Koger has been avoiding parked cars since 1992. Follow her on twitter @kkoger.
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Breakups are never fun, especially when the sex was fabulous. Sleeping with an ex can be so tempting because of the feelings you once had and the memories of how your ex made you feel in your most intimate moments together. It’s even easier to slip into the ‘sex with the ex’ trap if you were once married. Either way, sex with the ex — while extremely tempting — is rarely a good idea unless you can work things out and get back together. Are You Easily Seduced? EXPERT
Here are four reasons why joining the sex-with-the-ex club isn’t such a great idea after all:
For the reasons, visit YourTango.com.
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TV of the ’90s was undeniably dope, especially the black comedies. There was a little bit of everything available for everyone, no matter your age or status in life, and they definitely showed our people in a more positive light. A Different World was one of those shows. And if you’re nosey like me, you probably want to know what the people who were on the show are up to, and what they’re looking like. We’ve got you covered…
Can I first say that I love that some of the characters had middle names. For instance: Dwayne Cleophus Wayne. Kadeem Hardison’s character was clearly a fan favorite with his flip-up sunglasses/glasses that everyone was wearing back in the day and his kind heart. He was the nice guy everyone was rooting for (remember the wedding episode?). After doing a lot of movies like A Vampire in Brooklyn with Eddie Murphy and shows like Between Brothers, nowadays, you can catch him doing a lot of TV guest work. He was a recurring guest on Everybody Hates Chris for a while as sadity and crazy Judge Watkins (I miss that show!), was Lynn’s pastor boyfriend on Girlfriends, played Fantasia’s dad in the TV movie, Life Is Not a Fairytale: The Fantasia Barrino Story, and was most recently on the NBC show Parenthood. At 46, he’s still looking pretty good.
We’ve all heard the statistics involving black women and marriage, the shortage of black men, etc. And yeah, yeah, we get it: there is a major gap in the ratio of eligible black men to eligible black women, making it much more difficult to find a compatible mate. Furthermore, to add to this shortage, we would have to subtract the black men who are in a relationship, incarcerated, or don’t like black women, or women at all. Then there’s the unspoken rule that most of us have included in our subtraction list: men who have dated any of our friends in the past.
While this rule is one of those ‘girlfriend codes’ shared amongst most women, some are beginning to ask the question that can immediately break up a friendship: “Do you care if I date your ex?” Does this question automatically make a woman a bad friend who can’t be trusted as far as she can be seen?
If you would have asked me this question a few years ago, I would have immediately responded with harsh words and a serious side-eye to any woman who would consider dating their close friend’s former flame; but as I’ve grown older, my words have changed from harsh to inquisitive as I question a woman’s reasoning for breaking this unspoken girlfriend code. While certain situations should be self-explanatory in why you shouldn’t even think about dating a friend’s ex, others are filled with blurry lines and gray areas, leaving room to wonder–is it REALLY ever okay?
In the February issue of Essence, a panel of relationship writers and editors discussed various topics regarding relationships. When asked if a friend’s ex was off limits, all panel members unanimously agreed that after a certain period of time, said ex was fair game, meaning that once she’s done, you can get you some. Well, maybe not exactly that way, but the panelists admitted that after a few years (they agreed on three) a friend’s ex shouldn’t be off limits and should subsequently be thrown back into the dating pool for everyone to date–even her friends.
There is a small part of me that says go ahead and date a friend’s ex, including mine, but do so after discussing the situation with your friend. But on the other hand, there is the other more dominating part of me that says while there might be a shortage of black men, there is an even larger shortage of genuine friends and jeopardizing the latter in any way for a man is totally unacceptable.
People can change, right? Is this the motto you live by when dealing with a man who has a not-so-ideal dating history? While it’s true that people can change, it’s also true that you can tell a lot about a person through their past relationships.
If none of his relationships have lasted over a year, it could suggest he gets bored easily. Will you be that one interesting girl that can hold his attention? Do you even want to take that chance? Most importantly, if every relationship he’s been in has ended in a domestic dispute, chances are he’s initiated at least one and you could potentially be the next victim. A person’s dating history provides us with a glimpse of who a person really is, or at least who they were. Does his history matter to you?
(The Grio) — Before hip-hop became the multi-billion dollar industry it is today, there was a group of young lyricists who were ahead of their time. Telling unfiltered truths about the struggles of blacks in the late 1960s and early 70s, they called themselves The Last Poets. “When we did that first album, I had no idea it was going to catch on like it did,” Abiodun Oyewole told theGrio. “We were dealing directly with issues that concerned us.”