In MN’s Year In Review, we’re counting down our top stories as well as the biggest moments in television, music, movies, and news.

Madame Noire is good for writing an open letter to someone or some “someones” to try to correct what we see as suspect behavior, express admiration, or spread a little positivity to the noirettes holding it down. We did plenty of all of that in 2012. Here are the best, funniest, and most honest open letters we published this year (in no particular order).

1. AN OPEN LETTER TO MARY J. BLIGE RE: HER BUFFOONISH BURGER KING COMMERCIAL

Dear Mary J.,

Gurl, you know we love you. Like for real. We love your triumph. We love your music. We love your passion. But we have no love whatsoever for the recent debacle you decided to lend your image and vocals to. Mary, sometimes ignorance really is bliss; because up until a few hours ago, I had nothing but warm fuzzy feelings for you…Read more.

2. AN OPEN LETTER TO MY SINGLE SISTAS: BEING SINGLE IS NOT A CURSE, IT’S A GIFT

Dear Single Sistahs,

I am writing this letter to my Single Sistas who desperately desire a relationship, to those whose biological clocks are ticking, to those who are at the end of a relationship, to those who feel as though they will always be a bridesmaid and never a bride, to those who are currently playing the dating game, on a hiatus from it or have simply retired from it, to those who are moving out and moving on, to those who fear being alone, to those who are settling for less, to those who are divorced and refuse to open their hearts, and finally to those who have lost a love, and feel as though they can never love again…Read more.

3. AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ALMIGHTY GOATEE

Dear Goatee,

I’ve been clocking your style for a while now. It started with a subconscious glance, a double look and finally I allowed myself to drink you in completely. I’ve come to the conclusion that you are beautiful…Read more.

 4. An Open Letter To All The “Playas” And Man Wh**es: You’ve Had Your Share Of Women, But Wait ‘Til You Meet Karma

To All of the heartbreakers out there,

I’ve always wondered how some of you can be so cold. How you can have a wife here, a mistress there, and 30 side chicks spread everywhere, yet tell someone that you only want to be with them. Does sleep come easy knowing that your promiscuous ways and playboy antics crush hearts and bruise self-esteem, causing pain and bitterness for women who love you more than you love yourselves?…Read more.

5. An Open Letter To My Single Parent Sistahs: Be An Example To Your Child

Dear Single Sistahs,

I am writing this letter to all of you who are singly mothers by choice, by force, by divorce, or by other circumstances. I am writing this letter to all of my Single Parent Sistahs to encourage you to be the best mother and parent you can be to your child or children. I’m writing this letter to encourage you to be your child’s parent, particularly be your child’s mother because as the first woman in your child’s life, you set the tone for how he, she or they will view, treat and react towards women. You set the tone for how your child will view women because you are the first example of a woman he/she will see and know…Read more.

Source: http://silkywraps.storenvy.com

Dear silky and smooth hair bonnets,

Man, you and I go way back. We go back through my many hairstyles and states. You’ve been with me since I was rocking a relaxer with rollers in my head to keep my curls tight; You’ve helped me keep my texturizer moist, and when my natural fro was ready to cave in and get dry on my pillow, the thought of you woke me up out of my nap and beckoned me to throw you on my head. If it weren’t for you, why, I would look crazy as hell on many an occasion. Maybe that’s why I have three of you. I have a bonnet for every occasion. Depending on my mood, I reach for your color: black when my hair is clean and fresh, pink when I’m trying to hide my dirty hair, and purple for post scalp greasing (I know I’m not the only one who still does this). Your smooth bands have kept dents out of my forehead for years, and when I woke up after a restless sleep, covers all in disarray on the floor, pillow next to it, you still, somehow, stayed on my head. Tight head wraps often make my head ache, and smash my ears in, but you bonnet, you’ve kept me comfortable in a whimsical fashion that has let my hair breathe and stay beautiful. That’s probably why I have so much respect and love for you!

And maybe all that respect is why I can’t stand to see your a** on people’s heads on the streets. B0nnet! Baby! What are you doing to yourself? If you’re not on the head of a person running for their life during a fire, I would prefer not to find you on the head of some woman waiting for the bus by my place, working on an elliptical machine at my gym, or on the head of someone who was a witness to some sort of rachetness on the news. You are bold, and you are beautiful, but if you don’t stay your behind in the bathroom next to the bobby pins and hair spray and off the bus, I’m going to scream. I don’t know when people thought to make you the new it-fashion for when they didn’t want to finish their hair, but this has got to stop. You can camouflage yourself in any kind of color and/or design that you want, but that still doesn’t make you a hat! And while I can understand using you not to sweat your hair out sometimes, nor to have it be destroyed by humidity, there’s got to be another way! Maybe put a hat, or at least a nice scarf over you? But to be exposed to the world while accompanying something other than pajamas or lounge wear has forced me to resent you sometimes. YOU LOOK CRAZY! But alas, I guess you are a step up from the hideous shower cap that started feeling itself and became the alternative to umbrellas…

I know, it makes me sad too. I want you to keep your dignity. I want us to go back to the relationship we had before, when I loved to pick you up and plop you on my head. However, a part of me hates you because you don’t know how to stay in the damn house. I guess I should hold more blame with your owners than I do with you, but like the Rob Base song says, it takes two. Stop selling out just to sell yourself and stick to showing out and showing yourself off INDOORS. It would be much appreciated from this day forward bonnet. Peace…and hair grease.

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