All Articles Tagged "meet the parents"
You can’t believe your luck. You meet the man of your dreams – he’s tall, dark and handsome, hot to death and has all of his teeth. You think the relationship Gods have smiled upon you and you can’t wait to introduce your new love to your family. You think your new boo has won them over and that everyone loves him as much as you do – until you discover that he didn’t..and they don’t. The verdict is in – your parents don’t like him. Not even a little bit. You love your parents, but you love him too – so what to do? If you find yourself in this situation, here are some things to ponder before you consider inviting him back over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Parents don’t like me. Let me be more specific with it: Mothers and sisters don’t seem to like me. When I started dating during my teens I had some less than favorable “meet the parents” moments. There was the boyfriend I was in love with in 9th grade whose Haitian mother always sounded like she was in the middle of a domestic revolution whenever she answered the phone. That summer, a paid internship painting over graffiti placed me with a guy who started off as a good friend who eventually grew into more. When we started dating, his family’s issues came bubbling to the surface and I figured out that the problem was more about his mother’s personal substance abuse issues than any imagined conflict with me. Then there was the first “mature” relationship I really had with a young man from the suburbs. When I first met his mother and sister, the look they gave me would have you think he brought the entire ‘hood with him, and in their eyes he probably had. I was from Philly (didn’t matter what part of Philly, it was just bad enough that is was Philly for them) so of course they assumed I was trying to trap their college-educated son, make him my baby’s daddy and probably be the reason he would fall victim to inner-city violence in a tragic First 48-style love triangle.
So after that point in my life, I’d given up on trying to be anyone’s daughter-in-law of the year. I am not a demure doll with a painted expression that agrees with everything my man’s family says because I don’t want to rock the boat, but at the same time I don’t think I’m one who brings drama and ruckus just because I can. In my experience with dealing with mothers and their sons or sisters and their brothers, it hasn’t seemed to matter what kind of person I am. All that matters is that I’m another woman in their loved one’s life and I have to be assigned some test to be granted membership in their circle of trust. In my experiences, the thing I never understood was why they had to be so nasty about it. There’s a difference between wanting the best for your son or brother and just wanting to be difficult.
I sympathize with the fact that it can be a hard transition for mothers and sisters who are accustomed to being the only women in a young man’s life and then suddenly feeling like their role of mama bear is threatened. The good news is, I am not looking for a son or a brother. I am looking for a boyfriend. All I’m asking is for mothers and sisters to lighten up and not make assumptions about a woman whom you know nothing about. Remember, you once were in my shoes too. There comes a time when a woman has to let a man be a man and make his own decisions, and that doesn’t mean that he’s being disrespectful. If you trust that you’ve, in fact, raised him right, then you should know that you can trust his judgment and respect his choices.
Part of taking your relationship to another level is meeting your spouse’s family, and it happens to be one of the most nerve-wrecking parts as well. So many aspects come into play, from sparking up a conversation to showing yourself “worthy” of being with their son, their brother or their cousin; every family has that “one” who wants to make sure you are the right fit and might not come off too nice in the process.
Integrating your lives together with each other’s families is not a popularity contest. Being your true self is the only way you can expect to win them over and eventually, seeing yourself as a part of the family (if the relationship takes that route in the future). Dealing with a spouse’s family is not a competition you should expect to win or lose, but there are common mishaps you should keep in mind to make sure your best effort is put forward.
Meeting your man’s parents can be a terrifying experience – especially when it means coming face to face with probably the most important woman in his life – his MOTHER. After all, most men hold their mothers in high regard – almost to a standard that no woman can meet – so consider yourself lucky that he wants to make the introduction. Men may not admit it, but they all want to find a woman they can bring home to mom, one they respect and admire enough to show off and be proud of – and one his mother would approve of. Now, if he doesn’t respect or love his mother, then RUN. But if your boo and his mother are tight (note: not a mama’s boy – big difference), there are some rules you need to follow when meeting her for the first time so that you make a good impression, get her stamp of approval, and give confirmation to your man that you just may be the one he’s been looking for.
We know that talent runs in the family of many of our favorite celebrities – many we see on a daily basis. But I bet there are a few you didn’t know…shoot, there are a couple I didn’t know myself! Check out the next few pages and see how many of them rang a bell for you!
My beau recently took me home to Michigan to meet his kin folk for Thanksgiving – his parents, aunts and uncles – and 81 cousins. I wasn’t concerned that my first time meeting his family would be a torturous ordeal since I had spoken to them briefly on the phone a few times, but meeting your partner’s family during the holiday season can quickly go left if you’re not careful. You only get one chance to make a first impression, so here are some tips to ensure that meeting the family for the first time will be a positive experience.
How long do you wait before you introduce your lover to your parents? Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
When do you start sharing your partner?