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When Rob Kardashian took to Twitter to rant about how his now ex-girlfriend Rita Ora cheated on him with 20 dudes, my first reactions weren’t, “Rob, oh you poor baby” or “That Slore!” No. My first thought was, “Dude, get a grip!” It’s funny how most of the comments I read on social media sites that covered this “story” seemed to echo my same sentiments – that Rob was pretty much acting like a sissy who needs to stay off of Twitter and get over it. He did have some sympathizers but for the most part, folks thought he was acting like a little bit of a “girl.”

Sure, anyone who airs their dirty laundry on a social media site may be considered unstable, overly emotional or plain crazy – but women seem to get more of a pass with this type of behavior than men do. There are certain traits that can be considered gender specific, and a man scorned on a Twitter tirade is not considered to be masculine by any stretch of the imagination. Some women even blamed Rob for being cheated on, saying if he were more of a man, she might not have strayed. It’s not right, and it can be said it’s a double-standard, but sometimes we just don’t expect a man to be this “emotional.” Most women, whether they admit it or not, desire an Alpha male, and they’re are not always easy to spot at first glance. If you’re unsure if you’re dating a man or a mouse, look out for these signs that he just might be a punk.

Sure ‘nough, the relationship between a woman and her son is much different than the relationship between a woman and her daughter, particularly in African American households, where in many cases women are the sole parent. The role of women in their son’s life is to not only act as supporter, nurturer and provider, but in an act of overcompensation, she acts as a coddler, a cheerleader and an enabler. Because mothers don’t always challenge their sons, they set a precedent for how Black men feel they should relate to other women, particularly in terms of intimate relationships. Men decide that it’s okay to demand a great deal from girlfriends/friends/wives, without anything in return; men feel that they can break things (like hearts) without having to pay for it. That said, positive mother-son relationships suggest positive intimate relationships. In the same light, men who have negative relationships with their mothers, sometimes, spend their entire lives punishing other women for whatever chaos transpired between the two.

Black mothers and sons adhere to several types of relationships, though, which span from unexceptionally close to distant and estranged. It’s about time that we take a look at these relationships, and see how these relationships affect sexual and intimate relationships between you and your significant others.

The Mama’s Boy:  The relationship with the Mama’s boy is perhaps the easiest to recognize, this mother-son combo are attached at the hip. This relationship is rooted in dependency from both ends, and each use that relationship as a convenient crutch, reinforcing the idea that no one will ever be good enough for him, and no one will ever be quite the woman that she is.

What this means for you: this means that you’ll have quite the shoes to fill. Not only do you have to constantly state that you are not his mother, you need to reiterate the fact that you’ll never be his mother, while always remaining respectful about it. While his mother’s approval is extremely important, she isn’t the decision maker in your relationship.

The Golden Boy: The relationship between ‘the golden boy’ and his mother is a balanced one; it’s rooted in support and reliability, without being overly dependent. Mother-son relationships like this can occur when the man is raised by an independent woman who makes time for family and outside hobbies, or she set rules and boundaries with her son without altering the foundation of their relationship.

What this means for you: the man grows up and is able to communicate well with women, respect women’s ideas, and engage in healthy relationships. His solid bond with his mother promotes his emotional intelligence; enabling him to express feelings of self-control, and he balances his robust masculinity with profound femininity.

The Indifferent Son/Rebel: Separation and early-on independence can be two components which can contribute to this maladjusted man, because of a detached mother. His mother may have been absent or dismissive, she may have worked too much or perhaps she didn’t cradle him enough when he cried. Because of this, he dismissed his mother’s authority and opinions. He is a man of circumstances, and he does not have secure attachment to with his mother. He is emotionally stagnant, difficult to read, forever brooding, and he can have questionable motives. His feelings of detachment could leave you in a perpetual state of “but he needs love.” The lack of interest for his mother and her well-being could translate to his failing interest in your relationship.

Dear Champ,
I have somewhat of a problem that has left me very confused emotionally, and I could use a males perspective from someone who doesn’t know me and isn’t afraid to keep it real with me. I’m friends with this guy and we’ve been friends for about a year now and we mesh so well…. Long story short we’ve developed feelings for each other over the course of our friendship, the problem is he has a girlfriend! Now we’ve never been intimate or even kissed for that matter but the feelings are evident to everyone even his girlfriend (she’s very insecure when it comes to me, she has all reason to be because he’s cheating emotionally)… The thing is he expresses to me how he wants to leave his girlfriend; partly because of me and partly because he believes its the end of the road for their relationship, but he doesn’t want to break her heart (so he says).

My question: is his procrastination a true sign that he really doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend to build something with me? I mean i don’t think he would have any reason to string me along he hasn’t even gotten any…. But hey I’m not a man and as much as i would like to believe that i know what the opposite sex is thinking,I DON’T! please help Champ.Emotionally Confused.

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Dear China,

My boyfriend’s mom is always in our business. She’s very critical of me and controlling of him and he jumps whenever she says. How should I approach this because it is starting to affect our relationship?

Sincerely,
Home-Cooked Me

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