Monique: Why is it so hard for men to commit?

Damon Young: The answer to that depends on the man. But, what it usually just comes down to is that the “commitment-reticent” man values being single more than he values being in a relationship with that particular woman.

April: Is it too much asking a man to wait? (sexual relations) and do they really lose respect for you if it is too easy to get?

DY: I realize I’m in the minority with this, but I think when a woman decides to sleep with a guy really has no bearing on his feelings for her. I mean, obviously, if there are extreme cases — i.e.: she runs up to him and starts humping him as soon as she first sees him or she makes him wait for 15 years — that probably will affect his feelings about you. But, whether you “give it up” in six days or six months, if he likes you, he likes you, and if he doesn’t like you that much, he’ll continue not liking you that much. In this sense, sex doesn’t really matter.

Natalie: Where does one draw the line post infidelity in regards to trust? How will one know if they aren’t becoming paranoid when trust is being asked of their significant other? Is trust even an option post infidelity?

DY: The question you brought up is why it’s so difficult for couples who have experienced infidelity to remain together. It’s usually not about forgiveness — people seem to have a pretty high capacity for that — but it’s the fact that the trust was damaged, and may never be repaired. And, as I’ve stated multiple times here, if you don’t trust someone, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. So, for a person dealing with this issue, they either have to get over it and stay or, well, not get over it and bounce.

DeAngela: What’s the best way to get through to a man about me not being ready for another child without hurting his feelings?

DY: Just, um, tell him that since you’re the one who’s going to have to carry, house, and feed a giant parasite for 9 months until it forces its way out of a tiny and extra sensitive slit on your body, you can decide not to be ready for that experience.

Cicely: How do I PUSH without nagging? I feel I know what’s best for MyMr sometimes when he doesn’t see it and fights me on it like a 3yr old boy smh… I’m not his mama so I don’t want to force my opinion down his throat BUT life is too short for procrastination

DY: Positive reinforcement is a much better strategy than nagging

Bre: IS IT OUT OF LINE FOR A FEMALE TO TRIP ON HER MAN IF HE TELLS U ..THAT WHILE GETN TO NO EACH OTHER N BFOR A RELATIONHIP WAS FORMED ..HE HAD SEX WIT SUM1 ELAS…MEAN TIME YALL ARE AWAYS TOGETHER N TALKIN N TEXTN N HAVE FEELINS FOR EACH OTHER AND HE TELLIN U ITS ONLY U BUT JUST HAVENT SAID LETS B TOGETHER…WOULD U SAY HE CHEATED OR JUST LIED….SO CONFUSED

DY: If he slept with someone while you were still just dating, while I see why you’d be upset with that, technically that’s not cheating. And, if you were texting him the same way you ask questions here, it’s easy to see why he might have been confused.

Johniece: I have been with my man for 4 years and I love him to death but the sex is not that good. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings????

DY: It’s been four years and you’re just now figuring this out? Honestly, this really shouldn’t be a tough conversation to have. You should have nipped this in the bud like 40 months ago.

I understand men have egos and Shyte, but there’s no harm in communicating your wants and asking him to do things a little differently. Most men do want their women to enjoy having sex with them, so he’ll probably be receptive to your suggestions.

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

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After hearing and reading so much about the birthing industry, I have come really question why women continue to elect to have children in a hospital setting? Giving birth is a natural act, not a medical condition.  And in my opinion, the only reason why a woman should ever give birth in the hospital is if she is experiencing high-risk complications, which might put her or the baby in danger.

Healthy expecting women, particularly women of color, should stop giving birth in hospitals and opt for home-births.

Did you know that the reason why women are forced to lay on their backs during labor, particularly when it seems more perfectly natural and less physically stressful for them to squat, is because it’s easier for the doctors?  Never mind the well-being of the mothers but just as long as the doctor is comfortable, right?  Also, did you know that the national U.S. cesarean section rate was 4.5% in 1965 but as of 2007 that rate was at 31.8%, which translates into one in three mothers giving birth by cesarean section?

Because of the rising cost associated with the birthing industry, including the high medical malpractice premiums in this specialty and a rising dependence on Medicaid reimbursement, many hospitals across the country are closing their maternity care units. In my neck of the woods, Philadelphia and surrounding counties has seen 18 hospitals shut down their maternity care units.  Because of it, more expecting moms are actively seeking out midwives, doulas and birthing centers as an alternative to the often crowded, cattle-driving-like atmosphere of the maternity ward units.

This shift to seek out more naturalized births options in the black and brown communities has been increasing but not at the rate of our white counterparts. The reason is two fold: first, there is the cost aspect of home births.  The average birth-center fee is only $1,600, which might as well be a million dollars for some expecting moms. In particularly, for low-income expecting mothers, the idea of a more natural home birth may seem desirable however with their reliance on Medicaid and other government-sponsored insurance programs, they are unfortunately still firmly planted in the hospital maternity system. Current restrictions to Medicaid and other government sponsored insurance programs do not cover home births.

The second, and probably the most difficult obstacle to overcome is the stigmatization of what a homebirth really is.  Prior to the medicalization, thus the industrialization, of birthing, it was common for women of color to give birth outside of hospitals due to things like cost and racial discrimination, which would prohibit women of color from entering hospitals all together.  Because of it, the idea of giving birth at home signifies for many something that poor people in Third World countries do because of the lack of options.   And the last thing that any aspirational Black person wants to do is associate themselves with poor people.

Yet a recent study by Amnesty International suggest that women in the USA have a greater lifetime risk of dying of pregnancy-related complications than women in 40 other countries. For example, the likelihood of a woman dying in childbirth in the USA is five- times greater than in Greece, four times greater than in Germany, and three times greater than in Spain. More than two women die every day in the USA from pregnancy-related causes. Likewise, African-American women are at especially high risk; they are nearly four times more likely to die of pregnancy-related complications than white women. In short, our modernized, First World health care system is actually failing women and their children.

Moreover, midwives and doulas have been, from the beginning of time, part of the original model of OB/GYN care and have a solid history of providing maternity services to the poor and the wealthy alike. And with more birthing centers opening around the country, with certified professional midwives as staff, more and more Medicaid and government insurance programs are beginning to cover non-traditional birthing options for women.  Which is why I was so excited to learn that Aja Graydon from Kindred and the Family Soul opted for a homebirth for one of the clan’s six kids and that Erykah Badu recently announced that she is training to become a doula. While it probably wasn’t their intention, Graydon and Badu are helping to make natural, home births en vogue again. And that is a good thing.

Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.

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(Daily Finance) — I think the biggest early financial pitfall is overspending on complicated baby gear and services that don’t add much value. Parents are easy targets for savvy marketers, because we want so badly to equip our kids for happiness and success. But a clean, hand-me-down stroller — as long as it meets current safety standards — will do the job just as well as the new $600 model. (Check out this simple list of basics from a mother of four.) Designer clothes are adorable, but your newborn will grow out of them — and puke and poop on them — in short order. A playgroup with other moms offers a child just as much social stimulation as a Mommy and Me class. As for formal tutoring, let’s just say I blew a pile of cash on French classes for a 3-year-old … who is now 14 and taking high school Spanish. (Quelle dommage!)

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1. Run the numbers.  ”The fact of life is that there is no one number” for how much money you need to raise a child, personal finance expert Jean Chatzky tellsDailyFinance. The government estimates that a middle-income family will spend more than a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child born in 2010 until he or she is 17. But the true cost of child rearing varies widely depending on parents’ income, savings and goals for their children.Calculators like the one at BabyCenter.comcan be a good starting place to calculate expenses for the first year.

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You’re in a loving enough relationship with a man, whom, you wouldn’t mind being the father of your child, you guess. On one of your hot and spicy nights, you decide (or he does) that you’re too tired to wear a condom. Sex first. Common sense later.

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