As black women, I think we’re internationally known for taking care of everything and everybody to the max. And while it’s not a bad thing to be reliable and strong, sometimes we’re so busy worrying about everybody else that we forget to look out for ourselves. As crazy as Katt Williams seems to be acting now, he once said in a stand-up performance that in the new year, you need to look out for your star player–you. Why? Because nobody else is going to go out of their way to take care of you, so why neglect yourself trying to run up behind somebody else?

I know sometimes I’m so busy trying not to disappoint people that I’m ripping and running around the city trying to meet up for brunch, dinner, drinks and everything else, and if that’s not enough, I’m trying to make time for my boyfriend, my God (which I have no problem going to classes and service for), and to reconnect with my parents every couple of days. I’m doing the absolute most the minute my feet hit the ground out of bed that by the time my weekend comes to an end, I’ve not really had the chance to relax before the hectic work week begins. Because of such neglect to myself, by the time it’s Monday morning, I’m wishing, hoping and praying for Friday, struggling to keep my eyes open and my spirits high. After having numerous times during this last year where my immune system gave up on me because I wasn’t getting enough rest, and after waking up with my face was covered in pimples because of stress, I realized I wasn’t really taking care of myself like I should.

For someone like me, all I need is time to lay around in bed until I can’t stand to anymore, and after that, I should be good to go. But for others, making time to pamper and care for yourself might mean relaxing and getting your nails done, going to a movie by yourself, cooking and catching up on your shows, or cuddling up to a book you’ve been meaning to read for a really long time. Whatever you decide to do to reboot, just make sure it makes you happy. We spend so much time trying to please other people in this life that when folks ask us how we’re really feeling, “happy” is the last thing on our minds. Your time is more precious than you think, and while it’s fun to grab mimosas and pancakes with friends and run from train to train to meet up with folks, it never hurts to say, “No thanks, I think I’m going to chill for once.” Your body and your mind (if you’re still in your right one) will thank you for it.

Listen, don’t shoot the messenger.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, TLC will be premiering “Best Funeral Ever” tonight with an hour long special. The show will follow Dallas funeral home, Golden Gate Funeral Home, as they come up with some of the most eccentric homegoing celebrations you’ve ever seen. The owner,John Beckwith Jr wants to bring about a certain attitude to the sad situation, looking to give a smile to the mourning friends and family, versus just going with continued sadness. They can pretty much make anything happen; as Beckwith said, “If the deceased wanted to dunk a basketball, we can make it happen.”

Golden Gate, while providing the wishes for the family and possible “too little, too late” dreams by the deceased, they also provide professional funeral mourners. Now, some of you may have seen this type of person at a church service or funeral you’ve attended , but they do it for free. The professional mourners hired by Golden Gate are trained to grieve loudly and excessively at funerals of people they’ve never met so the family will open up.

The show will likely turn into a full reality show if the special does as well as TLC expects with the ratings.

I’m not sure that I’m interested in watching a show about eclectic funeral arrangements but it certainly can’t be any worse than anything else on television.

Instagram

No, their people haven’t sent out a press release about the news and only “sources” are talking but it doesn’t look like we need Brandy’s publicist to say anything. Pictures say a thousand – or at least a few carats – words.

The future Mrs. Ryan Press is currently on vacation with her future husband and while we thought she may have been trying to hide the ring, recent pictures posted show that is absolutely not the case. B-Rocka posted a couple of pictures to her Instagram account and her ring finger was strategically places in both photos so that we can all get a pretty good view on her newest and most important piece of jewelry. From what we can see, it looks gorgeous.

Speaking of gorgeous, I don’t think we knew that Ryan was working with all that under his clothes.  That was quite the unveiling in its own right.

To further personally confirm her engagement, Brandy told a friend who posted a “He put a ring on it” t-shirt that she needed to get one of those soon.

We know no one is more excited about the news than Brandy and she looks extremely happy on vacation (and young – she hasn’t aged much at all since we were introduced to her in the ’90s).

Congrats again to the beautiful couple!

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Some lessons don’t come to you immediately—some come to you as a memory or a sudden understanding of an event from your past. Often, as you progress toward better relationships, things become clear to you about a relationship that took place five years ago! So, while not all of these things happened to me firsthand this year (I don’t get around the block that much!), some event or person came into my life in 2012 that shed light on events from my past, and finally showed me the lesson from experiences which until recently were just meaningless pain. Maybe as you go into the new year, you too can turn some of your painful memories into helpful lessons.

It was a couple of days before I had a really major assignment due; an assignment I’d been slaving over the entire semester. The one assignment that could determine my fate as a student at my university. I was totally freaking out. The professor whom I had to submit the assignment to was also the director of the Media & Communications department and although she only stood at about 5’2″, she was nothing short of intimidating with her vague directions and her blasé attitude.

“If Jesus decided to come back before I have to submit this assignment I wouldn’t even be mad,” I text him.

“Lol, you’ll be fine. You’re smart and hardworking. Plus, you put a lot of effort into this assignment,”  he replied. He followed up that text with a very thoughtful prayer asking God to help me focus, remain calm, and carry out the task at hand. It was like something clicked in that moment. That little nudge wrapped in a blanket of encouragement, sealed with a prayer seemed to be exactly what I needed. I let out a deep sigh, shook myself off, relocated my “mojo” and got back to work. I completed my project not long after.

I reflected on our conversation later on that night and thought “So, this is what it feels like to find someone who actively, positively, and genuinely contributes to your life.” When I really got to thinking about it, he’s been that way for the entire five years we’ve been friends and the last five months that we’ve been something else. I made a mental note that if he wasn’t the one, I certainly wanted someone with similar characteristics.

We’re all aware that relationships can take on a slew of different characteristics. There are those toxic relationships where your significant other seems to bring out the “crazy” in you. There are those damaging relationships that seem to magnify your flaws and amplify your insecurities. Then, there are those relationships that uplift and inspire, and whether they work out or not, you’re a better person as a result of them.

It took me awhile to fully grasp this concept, but now that it has clicked, I wish I had learned it so much sooner. The concept that love should be more substantial than superficial. Your significant other should be able to do more than just give you butterflies, make you blush, and whisper sweet empty nothings. Those same lips that whisper sweet nothings should eventually be able to utter words of substance and reassurance in the midst of challenging times and of course, you should be capable of reciprocating. It is a concept that seems so basic and a characteristic that should be so common, yet is so frequently lacking and overlooked.

In an article featured on Psychology Today, Dr. Alice Boyes discusses ten ways in which your relationships could and should help an individual to grow as a person. Some of the points that she made included:

• Relationships that provide “practical support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.”
• Relationships that provide “emotional support that helps you persist with hard things.”
• Relationships that “help you learn to trust that another person will be dependable and emotionally available to you.”

I’m not suggesting that anyone should look to another person or a relationship to feel complete, because I definitely subscribe to the philosophy that a healthy relationship consists of two whole people, but what I am saying is that if a person isn’t contributing anything substantial to their partner’s life, then exactly what are they doing?

Do you believe that your relationships should help you to grow as a person?

Jazmine Denise is a freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twittter @jazminedenise

All photos are courtesy of ShutterStock 

Image: iStockphoto

Starting a new business can be frustrating, stressful and taxing. But  believe it or not, according to  a new study, entrepreneurs are the happiest — whether their business is a success or a failure.

The  study by the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business surveyed 11,000 graduates of the school’s MBA program, who were asked to rate their happiness with their career overall, their current job and their work-life balance, small business owners. About 20 percent of the graduates started their own businesses.

Although the study did find the more money someone earned, the happier they were, it also discovered “the role entrepreneurship played in a person’s overall career satisfaction,” reports The Street. “If money really was the key to happiness, you would expect the high-level execs at financial firms to rate themselves as happiest. But that wasn’t the case. Grads running their own businesses ranked themselves happier than all other professions, regardless of how much money they made.”  Only 56 percent of  the Wharton grads who started their own businesses actually made a profit.

The entrepreneurs in the study also felt they had more control over their time—even if they worked endless hours getting their business off the ground. “Grads running their own businesses also rated themselves higher than any other profession when it came to work-life balance,” writes The Street. “An entrepreneur can choose to take a break to attend a daughter’s soccer game or son’s school play, even if that means working late into the night afterward.”

Source:www.popularcritic.com

Dear Single Sistahs,

I am writing this letter to my Single Sistas who desperately desire a relationship, to those whose biological clocks are ticking, to those who are at the end of a relationship, to those who feel as though they will always be a bridesmaid and never a bride, to those who are currently playing the dating game, on a hiatus from it or have simply retired from it, to those who are moving out and moving on, to those who fear being alone, to those who are settling for less, to those who are divorced and refuse to open their hearts, and finally to those who have lost a love, and feel as though they can never love again.

I write this letter to each and every one of my Single Sistas to encourage and lift your hearts, minds and spirits to let you know that being single is not a curse; but it is a celebration of a season often short-lived and over looked by seeking out a relationship. As I write this letter to all of you I want to let you know that this time of singleness that you have is a gift that should not be taken lightly. Your season of singleness has a distinct purpose, and it is not to seek a relationship with the immediate hopes of marriage, but it is to build a profound, individual and distinct relationship with your Creator and yourself. This is the time in your life where you can discover who you are, why you were created, and what you should be doing at this particular time in your life.

Being single is a valuable journey in life we often take for granted because we have often been led to believe that if we are not in a promising relationship, engaged or married by a certain age then something must be mentally, physically or emotionally wrong with us and our value as an individual seems to decrease.

However, what many people fail to realize is that being single is a part of life that should be celebrated and honored as much as marriage. This stage in life should be celebrated as much as marriage because this is the time of life where the knowledge of who you are as an individual grows daily. This is the time where you find out who you truly are and stand firm on that knowledge so when the time comes for a relationship you will remain who you are and not morph into who someone else wants you to be.

I know it gets hard sometimes when we see couples holding hands, walking, and out on dates; and I know it is particularly hard when a friend or family member gets engaged and asks you to play a part in their wedding festivities! I also know it’s hard when we see a woman who is not half the woman we (you) are with not only a fine man, but a good one! Hell, it’s even hard to see Facebook and Twitter posts about someone recently engaged to be married! I know all of these things are difficult because as I write this letter to all of my Single Sistas, I am writing it to myself as well.

madamenoire.com

Let’s face it, marriage isn’t for everyone. As a matter of fact, Nia Long made headlines recently for declaring that marriage wasn’t a “priority” for her, despite having a baby with her long time boyfriend – her second child out-of-wedlock. While we know that you can be in a loving relationship without having a piece of paper to legitimize your commitment, that piece of paper can reap greater benefits to couples who make it “official” as opposed to those who are simply shacking up. Society, communities, congregations and even the IRS tend to make things a little easier for those who decide to say “I do” – so while marriage may not be YOUR cup of tea, for those who ARE considering it, here are a few reasons why uttering a few vows in front of friends, family or the courthouse officer may be worth your while.

Read the rest of this entry »

isaiahtellsdatruth.com

If you have the media tell it, being a single woman on the planet is one of the worst things you can be and if you hurl the black factor into the equation, you may as well buy your single burial plot now because we’re single FOREVER (side eye). Television shows, movies, articles on how to snag a man are always within eyeshot anywhere and everywhere we are. But I have to tell you ladies, I’ve seen the lonely land, I lived in it for three years, don’t believe the non- hype!

The other day my boyfriend and I were very upset with one another. We bickered, the bickering turned into shouting and the shouting found me contemplating if this relationship is for me. We resolved the issue, made up and in the aftermath of the “fight” the one thing I was most proud of was the fact that I held my ground. I was right and that’s not a shallow assessment of the situation, I was. I was right and I was willing to walk away from this relationship had he not apologized. What he’d done wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if we’d been in a relationship a few years ago, back then I was ready to ride or die for my guy. I’m a different woman now, I want a different kind of relationship and this thing he’d done could now very well be a deal breaker. My standards have changed (for the better) all because I weathered the single storm that wasn’t a storm at all.

I never minded being single for an extended period of time (three years). When my last relationship ended, I needed a break from the whole sordid fairytale of being part of a couple. I thrived in my newfound freedom and hence the prolonged singleness. I vacationed with friends, I went out every night all night, I thrived in work, I bought my own place, I meditated, I worked out, and I laughed hard. And I’ll admit, there were lonesome nights too but more than any of those things I did, I got to know and love myself.  You can roll your eyes; say what I’m writing is cliché but is it? If the cliché is that single women have fun why is it I can’t find one fun single woman in the media that’s truly enjoying it? And the real single women in my life many times ignore the blessing and instead continuously complain about the disparity of single life.

If you’re a single woman why don’t you buy or believe that you will find someone (because you will) but in the meantime focus on you, get to know you, date and meet men you would never consider and those you would. Be single so that when you are in relationship, you don’t take any BS because you’ll know that being single is not the nightmare everyone wants you to believe it is. I’m not saying you have to force yourself to be alone but why rush into being in a relationship? Maybe a break, no matter how short or long is the universe giving you some time to work on you, get to know you, have fun with you. If you do single right; it may help you set some awesome new standards for yourself, standards you can live by!

More on Madame Noire!

• Where Are They Now? Our Favorite Good and Bad Guys From “The Wire”
• Is This Real Love? How To Avoid Getting Into a Relationship That Does Not Exist
• Oh You’re a Freak, Huh? Good and Bad Ways to Surprise Him in Bed
• TLC Was Wrong, You Could Use a Good Scrub: 5 Must Have Scrubs & Exfoliants for Summer
• “The Decision,” Fake Marriages & Crispy Chicken: 9 Moments Celebs Can’t Seem to Live Down
• “Ho*s Be Winning!” 8 People Who Became Overnight Celebrities For Being Scandalous
• Peaches & Green: The Business Ventures & Side Hustles of the Real Housewives of Atlanta

By Mame Kwayie

I was the kind of tired that coffee couldn’t cure. I’d browned my teeth trying. I was past the point of a vacation and past a feigned sick day to recover from burnout. I’d changed my hair too many times to make a difference, rearranged my home furniture and hung too many new pictures in my office for it to count. And taking a new route to work every day doesn’t do much to enliven your outlook. Forget what ya heard.

I knew a change would do me good. A big one, at that. I was two and a half years past my college graduation and that many years into a career. Somehow, I’d gone from intern to senior manager, complete with an assistant, an office, and an expense account. I’d made it, right?

The problem? I’d known for a while that I’d outgrown this ostensibly golden professional life. While I’d fulfilled my teenage dream of being some kind of corporate wunderkind, I finally understood what people meant when they used that oft-recited and very apt phrase of “I needed a change.” Over a year later, I’m tapping into my younger self, the self so fearless, faithful, and full of so many dreams that even all my grown-woman practicality couldn’t knock sense into her. I moved to a new city, entered a graduate school program, and made a shift in my career.

Is your golden dream hanging above your head? Know what you need to do, just not sure how? Whether you’re looking to move to a new city, start a new business, or go back to school, understand that it’s possible. As with nearly everything nowadays, there’s an adage for this, too: Leap and the net will appear. Here are a few things I’ve learned during my leap.