Although my New Year’s resolution won’t allow me to actively support shows like Love & Hip Hop, Basketball Wives and The Real Housewives of Atlanta for a variety of reasons, I came across a clip from the season finale of Love & Hip Hop’s second season and felt compelled to comment.

While Emily B. continues to ponder through her tumultuous relationship with rapper Fabolous, she receives advice from multiple sources on how to approach his lifestyle and it’s effect on their relationship. In the process, she receives this gem from Chrissy Lampkin, fiancée of rapper Jim Jones.  She basically breaks down to Emily B. that dating rappers or men involved in the music industry means that you have to be “realistic.”  She doesn’t tell Emily B. to ignore or turn a blind eye to infidelity, but basically to accept that “things happen” and that any man who cares about his woman will remain loyal to her in a sense but will never let her find out about his unfaithful ways.  Basically put: it’s okay for a man to cheat as long as he doesn’t bring it around his main woman.

Before I call BS on yet another interesting love philosophy from Chrissy Lampkin, I had to call into question my own value system.  One of my favorite quotes that I like to preach to friends in need of advice is that, “Everyone lies, but if you can’t lie correctly, don’t do it.”  With this said, I refer to lies that do damage for no reason.  For example, if my man tells me he is going out for drinks with the guys, but ends up at the latest stripper oasis, I don’t necessarily want him to come home with a detailed play by play of the night’s events.  If he didn’t cheat, I don’t want to know.  But infidelity is a completely different animal.  Messy cheating or respectful cheating in my opinion is still cheating and toxic to a relationship.  If Chrissy implies that women need to be realistic and expect that infidelity happens, I have to question how much worth she puts on her self-respect in comparison to her financially comfortable lifestyle provided primarily by Jimmy.  Whether you’re dating a rapper or a trash man, not all men cheat and you don’t have to accept it just to live nicely.

If you suggest that you believe there is something to ignore,  it sounds as if you’re accepting infidelity. Chrissy remarks, “A man is going to do what a man is going to do.”  True, but in my experience, a man will only do to you what you allow him to do to you.  You mean to tell me that just because there aren’t women blowing up your phone and taunting you with where your man was last night, or because he isn’t leaving panties balled up in his back pocket for you to find, it’s OKAY because he’s ”respectful” with his cheating? Well, how respectful is it when he brings home to you a nice batch of HPV or herpes while he was so discreetly cheating on you?

While I can respect Chrissy’s right to feel the way she does about her own relationship, I think it’s a poor message to send to women that when dating a man you have to accept the good with the bad in order to maintain a certain lifestyle.  I am sure there are plenty of men in the industry who find a balance between fidelity and success without discreetly or indiscreetly disrespecting their woman.  And any woman confident in her worth knows that she doesn’t have to settle for whatever a man tries to sell her.  It’s perfectly “realistic” to be in a relationship where you don’t have to invest time into analyzing the difference between “respectful” and “disrespectful” cheating all over some fringe benefits.

Check out Chrissy’s love lesson for Emily B. below:

Is it acceptable for a man to cheat as long as he does so “respectfully”?

Toya Sharee is a community health educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee.

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You would think typed words and emoticons would be the safest form of dating, but some health advocates are saying online dating is at least partially to blame for the increased rates of STDs they’re seeing. The thinking is that people tend to rush into physical relationships with people they’ve met online, thinking they really know the other person.

“You don’t have to spend a week in a bar to find somebody you’re comfortable with,” St. Louis Health Director Pam Walker says, “People are doing it online and they’re doing it faster.”

Walker goes on to say 90 percent of 400 or so new cases of gonorrhea and 126 new cases of chlamydia seen in her city are African Americans between the ages of 15 to 24. Given that black men and women have been a bit slower to catch on to the online dating trend, I wouldn’t place too much weight in her online dating theory.

The potential to immediately jump into bed with someone you’ve had too many drinks with at the bar seems stronger than the temptation to sleep with someone you’ve met online too soon, but I can certainly see how someone could get caught up in thinking they really know a person through the computer and forget to check their disease status.

What do you think? Is online dating a likely culprit for the increase in STDs overall? Do you think this could be true for black women specifically?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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For many of us, sweet cantaloupe is one of the only fruits we enjoy. Unfortunately, now is the worst time to indulge in this normally healthy habit. Right now the Food & Drug Administration is making a mad dash to recall up to 4.5 millions cantaloupes that may be infected with listeria, a rugged bacteria that can cause death in the infirm. So far the current outbreak has led to 72 illnesses and 16 deaths, far outstripping the 9 fatalities caused by the large salmonella outbreak of three years ago. Listeria bacteria can survive at room temperature and thrive despite refrigeration. Thus, more deaths are expected in the coming weeks from the 300,000 cases of cantaloupes that have been shipped from the Colorado company Jensen Farms. Although most people who contract listeria recover, 1 in 5 might perish, because it is deadlier than e. coli. Sadly, the number of deaths from listeria is expected to rise throughout October.

You can carry listeria for two months before exhibiting symptoms, so it is important to be on the lookout for possible infection if you or a loved one are not in good health. Here is what you need to know:

1. Throw away all cantaloupe, unless you are certain it is not from Jensen Farms:
Recalled cantaloupe, according to Time.com, might bear a sticker that says “‘Colorado Grown,’ ‘Distributed by Frontera Produce,’ ‘Jensenfarms.com’ or ‘Sweet Rocky Fords.’” If you don’t know for sure that your cantaloupe did NOT come from Jensen Farms, throw it out. An example would be if you bought it at your local farmers’ market that only sells regional fruit — and you do not live in Colorado. Not all cantaloupe will bear a descriptive label, so beware.

2. Disinfect all surfaces that have come in contact with cantaloupe:
This sounds extreme, but even after the origin of the contaminant has been removed, listeria can persist on surfaces for a long time. Counters, refrigerators, and shopping carts that may have been contaminated will need to be wiped down with a sanitizing agent.

3. It’s not just the elderly who might get infected:
Pregnant women can pass listeria on to their unborn children. Young children are susceptible as well. In addition, diabetics, AIDS patients, people taking immunity suppressing drugs, and those suffering from cancer, alcoholism, liver disease, and other weakening ailments can die. As African-Americans suffer from many of these ailments at a higher rate than the general population, we are at greater risk of death from a listeria infection — so take precautions!

4. Know the symptoms of listeria, and seek treatment if you exhibit them:
Initial listeria symptoms include fever, muscle aches, intestinal disturbances such as diarrhea, and nausea. “However, if the infection reaches your nervous system, additional symptoms can include headache, convulsions, confusion and loss of balance,” according to The Huffington Post. Given the long incubation period of a listeria infection, be sure to remind your doctor about the outbreak should you exhibit similar symptoms.

For the most part, healthy young people can come into contact with listeria and remain well. But this is no reason not to make every move you can to ensure your safety. Stay alert and maintain these precautions until the possible window of listeria infection ends at the end of October. Hopefully we will be able to enjoy cantaloupe again soon without fear.