Source:www.ericroberson.com

Do we allow our feelings for someone to create a relationship that doesn’t exist, or do we allow our feelings to create a reality within a relationship that doesn’t exist? A relationship is defined as an emotional connection, association, or involvement between two people that have mutually decided to commit to each other based on feelings they have for each other. Feelings are an effective state of psychological consciousness in which joy, fear, hate, sorrow, love, etc. are experienced and expressed. They are also spontaneous efforts that are accompanied by physiological changes that drive a number of actions and reactions.

Most relationships begin with a feeling. They initially start with physical attraction accompanied with the desire to learn more about a person which leads to the desire to spend more time with them. After the initial physical attraction, people then move forward to the courting stage, getting to know someone on a more personal level, then being drawn to them mentally, emotionally and spiritually. After taking these steps, a couple may then mutually decide to have and develop a monogamous relationship based on more than the initial feelings they felt for each other. In today’s relationships, many couples skip the step of mutually deciding to have a relationship. They skip, or overlook this step because they are primarily focused on the way the other person makes them feel, and allow their feelings to cloud their common sense and better judgment. Instead of establishing and agreeing upon having a monogamous relationship, they settle for engaging in relationship-like activities without the commitment of a relationship.

Our feelings can often create relationships we think we want because the focus is on self-gratification, rather than building a relationship with a purpose and meeting the other person’s needs. When two people are involved with each other, and things are going well, at some point one person will have the desire to take the courting stage to the next level, but the other person may not. So rather than stepping away from the situation, they settle for less and continue to pretend to be involved in a committed relationship. This happens more often than not because of fear of being alone, the strong desire to be with a certain person, or a lack of self-confidence within.

When reality sets in to the fact that they are not in a relationship, the same feelings that led the desires for a relationship are now crushed.  Learning to mask your feelings for someone is a difficult thing to do, especially after spending quality time with them and getting to know them on a personal and/or intimate level. However, what people must do is set and maintain standards and boundaries for their relationships together from the start to avoid confusion. Even if you are starting as friends, both parties must be clear on the expectations of each other and the relationship.

One of the most common mistakes often made is the conscious or subconscious decision to be sexually intimate with someone you are not in a relationship with. This is a mistake because when you are sexually intimate with someone you give them a part of you and you take a part of them which can bring you closer which makes the relationship more personal and deeper feelings begin to develop. That’s why it is important to set boundaries for the relationship that you both agree on to avoid getting trapped in the reality of a relationship that does not exist. Doing this will spare feelings, avoid confusion and potential drama. When making the decision to become involved with someone, you must be mindful of your intentions and honestly discuss the expectations of both parties. It takes two people to initiate, develop and maintain any type of relationship, and both people must be willing to commit and carry the load.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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eurweb.com

We know Samuel L. Jackson as the man who seems to be in every movie we’ve ever seen.  He comes across as an intense actor who likes to be at the top of his game even if the movie itself isn’t all that great. He’s a man who has overcome addiction and has become the actor who has made Hollywood more money than any actor. EVER. But his wife, actress LaTanya Richardson, recently portrayed another picture for us as her husband.

Two weeks ago, New York Times did a feature on Sam which focused on his acting career and more importantly, a look inside of the man behind the work. Writer Pat Jordan spoke with LaTanya about him as a husband and she described him as “emotionally disconnected.”  She said there were times when he’d be on location for a film and when she’d ask if he missed her, he would say no. LaTanya went on to say:

“But he’s changing. The other day I cut my hand, and he took me to the hospital. Years ago, I’d have to go by myself.”

Ouch. I’m not sure what prompted LaTanya to be this honest in an article that she knew would be published but it is very telling.  Because of Sam’s dedication to his craft, it isn’t too hard to believe that what LaTanya says has held true for 40 years (yes, they’ve been together that long). She also said for a very long time she felt abandoned in the relationship.

What she shared is likely the tip of the iceberg and it probably took a lot of soul searching to be able to deal with something like that for so long. But they come from a bit of a different era and while many couples today would divorce over things like this, couples from their time probably would not. The good thing, like LaTanya said, is that he’s slowly changing.

Oh, the key to making their 40 year relationship work? LaTanya replied with one word: “Amnesia.”

Could you deal with something like this in your relationship? How important is it to you that your partner be emotionally connected, not only to you but to those important in your lives?

Source: New York Times