All Articles Tagged "arguing"
When writing about relationships, it’s important to keep in mind a great deal of advice depends on the situation of the people involved. Given the unique nature of individual relationships, it’s often difficult to find a “one size fits all” answer. With that in mind, there are situations which can possibly be considered universal “no-no’s.” The question posed in the title is one of them. Ladies, would you like to know how you handle arguments with your man in public? Here’s a simple solution.
Don’t ever argue with your man in public.
I can hear the peanut gallery starting up right now: “What do you mean don’t ever argue with a man in public? Ain’t I a woman? Don’t I have rights? This isn’t the damn 1950s, if I got a problem with my man I need to address it as soon as it happens so he doesn’t think he can run over me, right?” The answers to the aforementioned questions being, “I meant what I said. Yes. Yes. No, you don’t.”
Unless you’re arguing for the sake of arguing you never want to start an argument with anyone, let alone a man, in public. It’s counterproductive, unbelievably tacky, and it’s akin to running on a treadmill. Yeah, you’re getting a good run (of the mouth) but in effect, you’re going nowhere. Fast.
Growing up, my mother taught me there was a time and place for everything. As an adult, I’ve learned certain places are better matches for certain types of activity. I need peace and quiet to study, so instead of heading to the nearest Starbucks when I needed to learn something, I went to the library. In order for me to optimize my workouts, I need to go to the gym. The gym provides all the appropriate tools in order for me to effectively exercise. Sure, I can make up my own routine in my house, but the chances of me succeeding in doing so are significantly higher if I’m in a place conducive to such activities.
Ladies, arguing with your man in public is not conducive to anything other than ill feelings and the brewing of bad blood. If there is a private matter you need to discuss with your mate, you need to keep that matter private. In case you’re unaware of what constitutes a private matter, that means ANYTHING you need to discuss with only your mate needs to stay between the two of you. I’m assuming the purpose of an argument is to come to some sort of conclusion or compromise which will satisfy both parties. It’s going to be a difficult task if you start the journey by humiliating the other party in the argument by blasting all of their personal business to strangers. It’s not that it’s an impossible situation to come back from, but instead of addressing the issue you felt was so urgent at the time, you’ve simply made the mountain that much more difficult to climb.
Ladies, put yourself in the shoes of a man. You’re at the grocery store and decided to have him tag along. During the trip, you’ve done something to offend his sensibilities and before you guys have even gotten a chance to discuss the issue, he’s already making a scene. You notice more and more people are looking in your direction as he angrily raises his voice and lambastes you in front of everyone. Now ask yourself, do you really want to work that problem out now? Wouldn’t you have respected him more if he’d have simply waited a few minutes to get to a spot where the both of you could’ve talked? Are you even able to focus on the issues he’s brought to you, or are you so shocked at what he did the only thing you feel is anger and resentment for how he made you look? Nobody deserves to be embarrassed in that manner. Man or woman.
Ladies, please don’t argue with your man in public. It’s a purposeless endeavor which will only prevent you from getting what I’m assuming you want. You want a man to address your needs, your wants, and hear you out when you have a problem, right? In order for that to happen, I think it’s best for you to present them in a manner which wouldn’t immediately put him in self-defense mode. Public arguments only provide entertainment to the people watching and humiliation to the people involved. Do the right thing, keep your private matters, private.
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.
We Do More Arguing Than Talking: How To Deal And What It Means When You And Your Man Can’t Seem To Stop Fighting
Every couple does it …and I’m not talking about sex, I’m referring to arguing, bickering, quarreling or whatever you’d like to call it. All normal couples fight–be it about jealousy, differences, anxieties, money, sex, work, forgetfulness, children or housework, everyone’s doing it.
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of disagreement. In fact, it can put things into perspective, it can reveal truth, and it can provide understanding about exactly where you and your partner stand in your relationship. However, it’s when you aren’t able to stop fighting that you should be concerned. When arguments become ongoing, trouble seems to brew just as things seem to finally settle, or light bickering becomes biting remarks, then you need to consider what’s happening beneath the surface of all that back-and-forth.
Depending solely on your situation and the level of growing animosity between the two of you, this fighting can mean a number of things –though probably not anything good. While the reasons why couples fight have already been indicated, the underlying explanation for why couples perpetually fight hasn’t been. The roots of these fights can be as basic as one person always made to feel wrong, made to feel inadequate, not feeling valued or appreciated, not properly healing from a previous relationship, the relationship not being made a priority, or issues with commitment. But because of insecurities and a shared inability to be honest, couples tend to argue about everything except the actual issue. When you and your significant other find that you’re in the same argument over and over again, there’s a strong possibility that either someone feels that they aren’t being heard or something important isn’t being said.
So, if you’re afraid that you’re in a crumbling relationship that’s ruled by anxiety and confrontation, there are a few things you can do to assess the situation, and the first thing you can do is sit down and sort out the facts. Divide fact from fiction, worries from realities, and write down the last few arguments that you’ve had, what sparked those conversations, what ended those arguments …if those arguments ended, what escalated the arguments, how disputes are usually resolved, what the patterns are, and if there is something that you want to convey to your significant other that you’re not able to say. You can easily ask your significant other to do the same, hoping that if they are as committed to the relationship as you are, they won’t take issue with putting aside time to understand the complications in your relationship. The aim is to be as honest as possible when examining the rifts in your relationship, and eventually have a candid discussion about the conclusions that you’ve come to. Remember, when you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings, try not to sound accusatory, and be sure that you’re both being heard. If you two are able to get through a frank and honest conversation, and prevail at a better place than you were before, then you should be comforted by the durability of your relationship.
Drake hasn’t done much press in a while but on Friday night, he dropped in on Elliott Wilson’s show at East Village Radio (EVR for short) and gave what was a really good interview. l Miss Info was cool enough to post it in its entirety.
For quite some time, Drake and Wilson discussed music in terms of where Drake is in the recording process for his new album (he’s actually dropping two singles next wee), if he’s working with new producers and how he feels about other artists and particularly, how he tends to “open his door” to new artists and give them a platform.
Awesome, right? It actually was. Well, within the last 15 minutes, Wilson started talking to Drake about how he hates the “dog and pony show” of listening parties and interviews and the media “entrapment.” Wilson mentioned how when Chris Brown goes on interviews, people always ask him about Drake. Drake, very casually, responded:
“Don’t ask me s–t about that man when I come up there (“there” being at a media outlet for interviews). And leave than man alone. Stop preying on his insecurities. His insecurities are the fact that I make better music than him. That I’m more poppin’ than him. And at one point in life th woman he loves fell in my lap. I did what a real —– would do and treated her with respect.”
Welp, there it is! Drake acknowledged that they do have a problem and either it’ll work itself out or not but that the media won’t get “anything” out of a rap battle between them because Drake “does this for real and actually good at it.” Wilson was rapping it up by saying “…yeah, you we don’t need that situation and Drake added, “I’m not thinking about that man or that girl.”
There were no subliminal messages there, folks. They don’t like each other but Drake believes that the media (and probably his own fans) hype everything up and make situations bigger than they really are.
So what’s next? Talking about each other’s mothers? Am I instigating? Sure but he did the interview and wanted people to talk so I think this is an even trade.
Check out the “messiest” part of the interview below:
Fighting is usually given a bad rep when it comes to dating and relationships. But in all relationships, there are bound to be arguments and differences of opinion from from time to time, just hopefully not too often. If you’re not convinced this is a healthy — and common — part of dating, here are 10 things every couple eventually fights over some day as well as a few good reasons why fighting is a positive part of a relationship.
You’ve heard it many times before but that’s because it’s true: fighting is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. If you’re with a guy and you fight here and there, consider yourself to have found a good match. Fighting doesn’t always have to be detrimental to a relationship. In fact, it’s human nature to have conflict. However, in order to keep fighting between you and your man beneficial, there are some dos and don’ts that definitely need to be followed, or else fighting can become a relationship ender.
You can try to categorize some behaviors as female and others as male, but really, it all depends on whose perspective you’re viewing it from. When it comes down to it, we’re all human,we tend to be driven by the same things, and we have the same insecurities, frustrations and desires. The difference is we express them in more “male” or “female” ways, but often we are guilty of the exact same behavior we criticize, we just don’t notice it because it looks different. In all of these ways, most couples are hypocritical and do not practice what they preach.
Somewhere along the line the term “double standard” became accepted as only applicable to women. But there are plenty of, “Wait a minute…that’s not fair!” moments that men experience. They may not tell women because women would feel offended —even though women can point out double standards against them left and right. Consider that double standard #1. And here are the rest.
So Valentines weekend has come and gone and you honestly wish it had never happened at all. It left you questioning your man’s feelings for you and his investment in the relationship. It’s a day on which tensions and expectations run high. There is a lot of room for disappointment, but this might make you feel better: nearly every couple argues about one or all of these things on Valentines Day.
Women always think about the subtext of any text they write, of the underlying message of anything they say, and of all the possible ways something could be construed before they open their mouth. Why? Because they know that the woman they are talking to thinks about those things too. It’s a strength in a way, but can also cause problems. Men, on the other hand, pretty much just mean what they say. They’re about getting the truth out and moving forward. They don’t mean any more, or any less, than what they say. But since women are so accustomed to reading into things, some things men say can come off very rude! Like these.
This season Real Housewives of Atlanta stars Cynthia Bailey and Kenya Moore have let it be repeatedly known they’re not interested in being BFF’s. Early in the season Bailey and Moore get into a war of words during a casting call at Bailey’s modeling agency. “I felt like she came in and disrespected me,” says Bailey. “I was really trying to bring her in and welcome her to the group and she just did too much.”
Check out how the two former models really feel about each other away from the Housewives camera. It just might surprise you. ESSENCE has the video.