All Articles Tagged "Act Like a Lady"
It appears that we are living in the age of the male relationship expert, where men are capitalizing off of the market of women who desire love and a lasting relationship, for example Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book and movie deal. Lately though, it seems that these men are putting a new spin on things. Instead of claiming that they have all of the answers and offering advice on what a woman can do to keep her man, they’re offering insight into the minds of men. One interesting book was Carl A. Roberts’s 2012 release of Good Men Do Cheat, another fairly interesting one is Manology, a collaborative piece between Tyrese Gibson and Reverend Run. In a recent interview, Tyrese and Rev Run sat down with USA Today to discuss their upcoming book release, and they touch on everything from what makes them qualified to write a book of this nature to what a woman should do after finding out that her man has been unfaithful. Check out some of what they had to say.
On why women should consider taking their advice:
Rev Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show.
On how a woman can recognize a good man:
Tyrese: In general, whoever never harms you, you could use that as a template. But just because they go to church every Sunday doesn’t make them a good man. They’re a work in progress.
Rev Run: I agree. Instincts have a lot to do with it. Go with your instincts. If a person shows who they are, believe them.
On whether or not a woman should believe it’s possible to change a man:
Tyrese: That shouldn’t be your goal. No man wants to feel like a fixer-up project. If a woman has that intention, it should come from love. It shouldn’t be a charity case.
Rev Run: I believe that a woman and a man can work with each other to reach a goal. But to go into it to see someone that needs help, I’m not sure you can change anyone. That’s God’s job.
On what a woman should do after she learns that her man cheated on her:
Tyrese: I think it’s a heartache and everyone has a different threshold in responding to these moments. I have no general advice. Just don’t do anything crazy. Don’t own the cheat. You have no control over what a man is going to do.
Rev Run: Again, I agree with Tyrese. You shouldn’t own the cheat. It’s not your fault. You can show him that you’re not happy with it. You can go to Mom’s house. You can leave.
Manology is scheduled to hit the shelves Tuesday, February 5th. Although the male relationship expert has been catching a bad rap lately, I have to admit that I’m kind of curious to see what these two have to say.
Will you be checking out Manology when it drops next week?
Photo courtesy of USA Today
Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise
In the past, we’ve talked about how you should proceed in terms of dating if you’re in the process of divorcing someone. Some of you say “you’re married until you’re divorced” and others say, “What are you going to do? Sit around and just wait on paperwork?” Well no matter what you think, these celebs didn’t wait for the ink on their papers to dry. No, these folks hit the ground running…unsigned divorce papers be damned!
Over the weekend, I read Dr. Boyce Watkins’s column in which he posed the question: “Do Women Really Want to Think like a Man?”
In it, Watkins challenges the much touted advice given by some relationship experts (*ahem* Steve Harvey) that the best way to “win his heart” is to embody the traits associated with manhood. His thoughts are that the modern day version of manhood has been tainted by the commercialization of hip hop, in which sex is more celebrated than healthy relationships. He writes: “How about we write another book called “Act like a lady, think like a woman?” A real woman is not someone who tries to emulate the behavior and thinking of the lowest common denominator. She is not one who juggles men around like a circus bear on a unicycle. She is not someone with a pile of sexual conquests (and subsequent STDs) on her resume. She is someone who commands respect in her relationships, seeks out meaningful love, chooses the right partner, and consistently works to be the best partner she can be.”
I think Watkins has a good point, or at least a foundation for which to build upon. However, I actually get the spirit of what Harvey is saying, although I don’t agree with how he goes about telling women to implement his advice. However, the core of his message is this: Too often women settle for the first man that shows them the least bit of attention instead of dating around to find the right man period. There is no debating that. But is this idea simply a male trait only?
This sort of way that we categorize gender traits is nothing new. In the business world, women have been told that the best way to succeed is to think like men, because men are more competitive and motivated to find the upper hand in their business dealings. Last year, the Washington Post had a column about how women should shop with the same level of brand unconsciousness, and emphasis on quality of garment, as men. Even in advertising we find images of women using their heart to determine purchases and men, being the more stable of genders allegedly, relying strictly on their brains. The message is clear: women are emotional and men, well they are the rationale bunch of the genders.
Men and women are, of course, biologically different. Yet how we compartmentalize our differences has little to do with biological and more to do with societal influences and prejudices. It is not surprising then that the masculine/feminine dichotomy is used to classify things like strength and weakness, reason and nature and rationale and emotions. For instance, a few years ago I got into a heated debate with a high school friend, via Facebook, over his assertion that women were too emotional to lead and that men, were better equipped because it was there nature to be rational. I challenged his theory by spending the rest of the afternoon, intentionally and calculatingly pushing his buttons until he exploded with name calling and yelling, which was demonstrated by the overuse of capital letters.
The point is that men clearly can be guided by their emotions too, even if the emotional response is different. Even science has suggested that while men and women basically have the same hardware, it’s the software instructions and how they are put to use that makes the sexes seem different. That basically means that while he might not pour his heart out to you in sonnets and prose, he might be reduced to tears if his favorite football or basketball team loses the important game.
So what does this all have to do with Steve Harvey and his book and soon to be movie? Well, because it does the same sort of pandering to so called gender specific traits that suggest that women are naturally irrational and men are the only gender capable of being logical. For example, in one of Harvey’s infamous Strawberry Letters, a 26-year-old man involved with a woman started receiving anonymous texts from another a woman. He began sexting with this woman and soon arranged a date to meet this mysterious person at a public place. Upon his arrival, he learned that this mysterious woman was in fact an old college buddy, who was secretly in the closet. An argument ensued. The college buddy threatened to not only tell his girlfriend but also post all of this man business on social networking sites if he did not allow him to “touch” him. Did he oblige? Of course he did, there would be no Strawberry Letter if he simply said no.
Now, this doesn’t sound like the archetype of a rational being assessing whether or not his decisions are aligned with his aims and actions. No, this sounds like a person who is behaving irrationally. Nor does it sound like someone running off of emotions. A purely emotional response probably would have been to act out of anger, kick the guys behind and then think about how it will affect his relationship later. Or it could have meant ignoring the mysterious text messages all together out of guilt he would have felt about the possible hurt he could have bestowed on his lady. In the latter, he could have benefited from his rational and emotional – or as society deems it, his masculine and feminine – sides working together. Instead he acted stupidly, which knows no bounds or gender. In essence, instead of telling us to think like men to make better relationship choices, a better name for Harvey’s book would have been, “Act like a Mature Adult, Stop being Stupid.”
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I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that Steve Harvey is the black version of Ryan Seacrest…or better yet, the black male version of Ellen. These are people who a lot of other people seem to like, and therefore, they get asked to hold like every job available in entertainment. Already the host of a highly popular radio show, an author, and the host of “Family Feud,” Steve Harvey is now set to host a syndicated talk show in Chicago that will be ready in the fall. According to a statement given to the Chicago Sun-Times, Harvey’s show will bring a “funny, fresh, insightful and common sense approach to life’s everyday moments.”On top of that, he’ll be covering everything from family issues, to parenting and you guessed it–dating and marriage. Sounds like we will have a TV-version of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man on our hands. The 55-year-old TV and radio personality will definitely be trying to save some relationships and doing so in a comedic manner. Sounds like a pretty good idea and not too many people are doing it anymore…but I’m just saying, can he share some of the many forms of employments he’s got? Next thing you know, he’ll be trying to be a judge on American Idol…
Will you be watching Steve’s new talk show?
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