Reasons Why Couples Should Be Friends First

November 30, 2011  |  

"friends before lovers"

I’m sure you’ve wondered if being friends first is really the best path to a lasting relationship.  The overlap in what we want from both friends and partners is actually quite significant. In a poll conducted for the women’s website handbag.com, 83% of female participants believed that a purely platonic friendship could exist between men and women. But, when probed further, one third said they secretly lusted after their male friends. It seems that physical attraction is often a byproduct of a concrete and strong companionship. Although not all friendships turn into a relationship, it’s very important to connect on a friendship basis, before diving into a relationship.  Take a look at these 7 reasons why being friends first will help build a healthy and lasting relationship.

"fall too fast"
1. Falling too fast doesn’t work

Often people jump into serious relationship quickly and into a bed too without getting to know each other well. It feels great for a short term but it distracts them from really knowing each other on an intimate level. Sex is an expression of intimacy and commitment for each other so it will do well if one works on being friends first.  Yes, a short run of “just sex” might very well work for you, but realize that the chances of a committed relationship may not be so great.

"sex isnt enough"
2. Sex isn’t enough

Most couples break up if sex is the #1 factor in their relationship. A man and the woman have to be compatible and find out if they connect emotionally as well and this is not possible if they are meeting only for sex.  Likely the man or woman will find someone who fulfills them outside of the bed sheets as well, and pick them over the occasional booty call.  If a connection in the bedroom is great, imagine that with a great guy who you respect and trust too!

"friends before lovers"
3. Natural progression

In any relationship developing the bond of friendship is very important because it shows that a couple is comfortable and honest with each other. This makes the progression to next level easier and the relationship will be successful because certain quirks or habits that might annoy you in a hook-up partner, is actually endearing because you understand where it comes from.  Being a friend sets the table and gives a fluid opportunity to exchange likes, dislikes, information about family and friends, pet peeves, favorite vacation spots etc.  After that is established, the intimate part is icing on the cake.

"solid foundation"
4. Solid foundation with no strings attached

When you work to be friends, there is great understanding of each other’s needs and desires. There are no unreal expectations because you will know your man pretty well.  However, this does not mean that sex in a committed relationship should be boring.  Understand that time in the bedroom should reflect your love and admiration for each other as well as your desire to let loose and truly be yourself.

"passionate"
5. Excitement and passion

There is excitement and desire to please the other person when a mutual trust, respect and tolerance for each other is created from a friendship. There is an element of romance and attraction that is absent in casual sex when you come into it with more feelings and emotions attached to the person.  When your goal is to please each other you tend to enjoy your time together more which helps solidify a strong, healthy bond.

"better odds"
6. Better odds

As we live in a time when many relationships seem doomed to end in a dosi-do of partner swapping, few of us hold out much hope of ever celebrating a golden wedding anniversary. That’s why trust is key to the transition from friends to lovers. After all, if trust is established, you’ll be more likely to believe your relationship has a chance of longevity and will feel uplifted with this possibility.  Women tend to crave security and with a mutual trust and understanding, a relationship built from a friendship has much better odds of lasting and will therefore comfort her.

"long haul"
7. You’re good for the long haul

Although sexual attraction is very important to a relationship, unfortunately that drive biologically fades and you are left with more time spent out of the bedroom.  In this case, don’t you want to really get along with your partner and be able to look back on what brought you together and how great the courting phase was?  It’s important to have a basis of friendship so that you can always fall back on the fact that you two were brought together because of common goals, wants, desires, or interests.  If sex is all you’ve ever had to bring you together, a level of resentment can occur if the relationship goes south and there will be very little glue to stick it back together.

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  • Nate

    Wrong. Friendship first is not a safe haven.

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  • Gvision

    this is a bunch of bs.  sorry.  love at first sight is real.

    • Shanora712004

      I believe in love at first sight too. I believe in the fireworks, passion &desire at just one look, because I’ve experienced it. I also believe that you shouldnt give in to your passions or desire and get to know them first, because if you realy do want to fall deeply in love with this person and vise versa,sex too soon will kill it.

      • Eddie Rattlehead

        “Sex too soon will kill it”. Sex does not kill anything that was not there to begin with. There is, however, such thing as sex TOO LATE. It’s called postmarital sex.

    • Eddie Rattlehead

      LOL, triple LOL, actually, what are you, 16?! She is right on the money, and you are getting yourself prepped to be without any of it as your “love” at first sight fixates on your income. Less Hollywood more rational thought, for real!

  • Rahnesha

    My husband and I were friends first for a year and then we started dating. We dated for 2 1/2 years and were engaged for 2 1/2 years and been married for almost 2 years and I can tell you that he is my best friend and soul mate. Take your time and become that guy’s/girl’s friend first, it will pay in the long run. Love is not all about sex, because that will happen less and less, but passion and just enjoying your significant other because you all were friends first will never go away. It lasts for a lifetime!

  • jceizar

    I am trying it out with a girl i deeply care about now….its refreshing to get to know her on a friendship level first. I am hoping it progresses but if it doesnt..i have made a great friend.

  • Jomiya25

    Co sign this is what I’ll be trying next time, before I rush into anything ever again… Friendship first I’ve realised is key…

  • Sugar_Spice

    I co sign this article!  My husband was my friend first

    • chaka1

      My husband was my friend first too. When we became serious, it was a natural progression. Some people tell you it should come with fireworks, white horses, diamond rings, Kartrashian-type wedding, etc. Ours came very quietly and with no drama. We have a very strong bond and I can’t imagine my life without him.

      • Sugar_Spice

        Same here & at first I thought we were the weird ones because like you said it was just so natural

  • MrsIndependent

    I agree. Im trying this out right now. Friendship first lovers next