Reasons Why Couples Should Be Friends First

November 30, 2011  |  
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I’m sure you’ve wondered if being friends first is really the best path to a lasting relationship.  The overlap in what we want from both friends and partners is actually quite significant. In a poll conducted for the women’s website handbag.com, 83% of female participants believed that a purely platonic friendship could exist between men and women. But, when probed further, one third said they secretly lusted after their male friends. It seems that physical attraction is often a byproduct of a concrete and strong companionship. Although not all friendships turn into a relationship, it’s very important to connect on a friendship basis, before diving into a relationship.  Take a look at these 7 reasons why being friends first will help build a healthy and lasting relationship.

1. Falling too fast doesn’t work

Often people jump into serious relationship quickly and into a bed too without getting to know each other well. It feels great for a short term but it distracts them from really knowing each other on an intimate level. Sex is an expression of intimacy and commitment for each other so it will do well if one works on being friends first.  Yes, a short run of “just sex” might very well work for you, but realize that the chances of a committed relationship may not be so great.

2. Sex isn’t enough

Most couples break up if sex is the #1 factor in their relationship. A man and the woman have to be compatible and find out if they connect emotionally as well and this is not possible if they are meeting only for sex.  Likely the man or woman will find someone who fulfills them outside of the bed sheets as well, and pick them over the occasional booty call.  If a connection in the bedroom is great, imagine that with a great guy who you respect and trust too!

3. Natural progression

In any relationship developing the bond of friendship is very important because it shows that a couple is comfortable and honest with each other. This makes the progression to next level easier and the relationship will be successful because certain quirks or habits that might annoy you in a hook-up partner, is actually endearing because you understand where it comes from.  Being a friend sets the table and gives a fluid opportunity to exchange likes, dislikes, information about family and friends, pet peeves, favorite vacation spots etc.  After that is established, the intimate part is icing on the cake.

4. Solid foundation with no strings attached

When you work to be friends, there is great understanding of each other’s needs and desires. There are no unreal expectations because you will know your man pretty well.  However, this does not mean that sex in a committed relationship should be boring.  Understand that time in the bedroom should reflect your love and admiration for each other as well as your desire to let loose and truly be yourself.

5. Excitement and passion

There is excitement and desire to please the other person when a mutual trust, respect and tolerance for each other is created from a friendship. There is an element of romance and attraction that is absent in casual sex when you come into it with more feelings and emotions attached to the person.  When your goal is to please each other you tend to enjoy your time together more which helps solidify a strong, healthy bond.

6. Better odds

As we live in a time when many relationships seem doomed to end in a dosi-do of partner swapping, few of us hold out much hope of ever celebrating a golden wedding anniversary. That’s why trust is key to the transition from friends to lovers. After all, if trust is established, you’ll be more likely to believe your relationship has a chance of longevity and will feel uplifted with this possibility.  Women tend to crave security and with a mutual trust and understanding, a relationship built from a friendship has much better odds of lasting and will therefore comfort her.

7. You’re good for the long haul

Although sexual attraction is very important to a relationship, unfortunately that drive biologically fades and you are left with more time spent out of the bedroom.  In this case, don’t you want to really get along with your partner and be able to look back on what brought you together and how great the courting phase was?  It’s important to have a basis of friendship so that you can always fall back on the fact that you two were brought together because of common goals, wants, desires, or interests.  If sex is all you’ve ever had to bring you together, a level of resentment can occur if the relationship goes south and there will be very little glue to stick it back together.

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